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So Tired of Being a Hypochondriac

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Posted 2/7/2007 9:22 AM (GMT -7)
I've suffered from anxiety/panic/depression on and off for over 50 years and along with that have been a raging hypocondriac since I was seven years old (started when I was hospitalized for Rheumatic Fever).  You'd think that after all these years of almost perfect health (other than that) - and having learned so much about anxiety/panic/depression over the years that I'd be able to rationalize this overwhelming fear of dying at every turn and realize it's just part of the whole anxiety/depression package.  But NOOOOOOOO, I can't so much as (and I'm not exaggerating) have something in my eye without being convinced I'm having a stroke (that's my latest fear)....I apparently rubbed a little of my face cream into my eye last night so my eye was blurry for awhile and I was SURE it was the beginning of a stroke.  Then I had a some very low back pain yesterday and figured - this is it, colon cancer.  It sounds funny now but when i get these things I exaggerate them so much that they actually seem to get worse for awhile until eventually they just peeter out and I'm on to another terminal disease.  The thing is - it was one thing when I was 20 - I could convince myself that I was too young to have all these things - now I'm 59 and SURE I have them all.  Problem too is that I RARELY will venture into a doctor's office - having always been convinced he'll tell me I have 2 hours to live.  I actually did go last year when my anxiety came back with a vengeance after 2-3 years and realized I HAD to go on some kind of meds and my blood pressure was sky high - which it has always been when I go to the doc since I was a kid (the old white-coat syndrome) so he put me on Toprol and it did seem to make a big difference - but I'm still convinced the end is near...what a waste of a lifetime - I've up to now been healthier than almost all my friends/family but I swear I've suffered more than them just from always having the "what if" syndrome.  Don't know if after all this time there's any hope for me conquering this - especially since before long I WILL have something just because of the age factor....I keep wondering what I will do when a doc actually confirms I have a sickness/disease - I'm afraid I'll stroke out right there in the office so it won't be a long, drawn-out disease anyway! I'm so jealous of people who actually DO deal so courageously with terrible diseases.   I know I'm making this sound silly but it really does affect my quality of life and always has.  Any advice?
Posted 2/7/2007 12:21 PM (GMT -7)

I completely understand what you mean.. I am 32 and have been dealing with this since i was 21.  IT SUCKS. Now i have a son and am convinced that i will have a heart attack and not be here to raise him.  And that another woman will be raising my child.  IT IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD... No matter what i do to convince myself that i am fine it does not always work.  It's hard but i just keep trying to hang in there and know that "THIS TOO WILL PASS" or so i am told...not sure when...i have been in a rough patch for going on two months now can't seem to get any relief medicated or not...NOT FUN AT ALL... well take care and i hope things get  better for you...HUGS

Posted 2/7/2007 12:34 PM (GMT -7)

 a lot of it is probably basicly a bad habit, try to find a good doc and hand over all your health fears and worries to him, its really docs job to be concerned about your health and not yours, doc gets paid for this

some people with your problems find halp and comfort in religion

Posted 2/8/2007 5:37 AM (GMT -7)
Health Anxiety is big amongst most of us so do not feel you are alone in this at all
I always thought the worst and then one day it was the worst but I am stepping up and dealing with it not dwelling on it
For today I am alive
Live,Laugh and Love
Post often and we will try to help you out as much a possible
YOU are not alone in this for sure
LYN
Posted 2/8/2007 7:16 AM (GMT -7)
you sound so much like me I swear I wrote that letter down to the eye cream in the eye lol yep I did that one too a few weeks ago, I have a great doctor same one for over 20 years, but I cant get over this fear no matter how hard I try it is always something always about the only thing I have never had was HIV something new comes out yep I have it. stroke and heart attack is a big one. do you go from symptom to symptom like one week dizziness the next heart pounding. It horrible to live with like you I am in my fifties and have had this horrible thing since I was a teenager. E Mail me if you need to talk.
Posted 2/8/2007 7:44 AM (GMT -7)
Hello andwes

 

It looks like you have already been given some great advice and support here. I'm so sorry you have been fighting this for so long but I wanted to stop and give you a ((((Big Hug)))) and hope things change for you soon.

Posted 2/8/2007 3:19 PM (GMT -7)
I have that too when the panic gets bad and it stinks! I will get a little headache and think, stroke, brain tumor...but I know its just a headache! I also have intense fear of taking any new medication. It is so hard because I am scared of passing out or dying from a med reaction. So I usually just take any new med around people(like at home or work) just in case! It is so dumb. In my defense I have had allergic reactions to about 10 different meds in my life(rashes, hives, etc). I don't have OCD about it, but if I have a symptom I can blow it out of proportion until I slap myself out of it.
Posted 2/8/2007 5:06 PM (GMT -7)
i have been living this exact same way for years.

My eyes were blurry when i woke up the other morning and i was convinced that my "lymphoma" had spread to my brain.

I wake up daily and get on the scale to make sure my weight hasn't dropped 10% (cancer)

Im afraid to brush my teeth cause i think i'm going to spit up blood or even a simple cough. (lung cancer)

Im terrified if i go to the bathroom, i'll see blood (colon cancer)

Every time i get my period i think it's too early for that and it could be ovarian cancer.

my shortness of breath (i have severe allergies) makes me think sometimes that i have COPD.

I feel my lymph nodes all day long..I used to take my temp.

Yes, this is no way to live. Especially at 33 years old. I'm terrified of going to the doc, and although they tell me I have nothing, I'm CONVINCED I do.   

Posted 2/8/2007 5:48 PM (GMT -7)
I too can relate to this all to well. With me however, the disease I have feared for the past 3 years is lupus.It consumes my every waking hour and I actually have nightmares about it most nights! I have repeatedly talked to my doc about this and have seen a specialist and I still am completely unable to get past this! I am CONVINCED that the docs are wrong! sad  I m so sorry you all also have to deal with health anxiety as I think its sometimes the hardest to deal with! This fear is tearing me apart. The worst part is that I am out of support options. My family has no clue what to say to me anymore and as nice as my doc is I am truely pushing the tolerance limits with her too sad UUHHGGG...

Shelly

Posted 2/8/2007 5:53 PM (GMT -7)
I am so glad that I found this forum. I am going through the same thing right now. All my fear is focused on my heart. I am getting palps all the time and even though I have been checked out, I still fear the worst. All the time! I am only 24 and I do not want to live this way any longer! I am in therapy and trying to work through it. I wa supposed to go visit my fiance today, but I did not go bc of my fears of driving for hours alone. I hate that this rules my life and prevents me from being happy.
It is unfair that we all have to suffer so. At least we can come here and support one another. It really makes a difference!
Posted 2/8/2007 7:23 PM (GMT -7)
Me too. I have three beautiful children, and I am scared that they will grow up without me. I have learned that if I sleep (or try to) I can make it stop for a minute. But then I wake up, and it comes back. I cant even go to work because every time I get a job, I have a melt down and get fired. Or I cant be there so I dont go back. I am hapy to know that I am not alone. But heres my question....When does it stop?
Mary
Posted 2/8/2007 8:13 PM (GMT -7)
I just want to add to sndwes that you haven't wasted your life, because I'm sure somewhere out there you've helped someone and someone loved you. Now that the mushy stuffs over lol I am a heart freak as well as some of you. I always worry about my heart. I swear everyday I'm having a heart attack. I work at the ER and in the ICCU sometimes and I am still convinced theres something wrong. As I have said before the mind is a very powerful friend or a very powerful enemy. Hope you all have a wonderful day today!!
Posted 2/9/2007 7:51 AM (GMT -7)
I would like to thank you all for showing such great support to each other here. This is why we have become an HW family. You are so strong even thou it don't seem like it at times. We all give each other stringth and support and I'm so proud of you all.

Posted 2/9/2007 8:09 AM (GMT -7)

Yes, well it's soothing to hear that I'm not the only one but apparently it still doesn't convince me because here was my day yesterday.

- Woke up feeling like I couldn't breathe - sure to have a heart attack before 7am

- Funny twitchy feeling in leg by 7:30 a.m. - must be a blood clot that was going to travel up to my heart and cause pulmonary embolism.

- Odd pain in back of neck driving to work (8:00 a.m)that I was POSITIVE was the beginning of brain hemmorage since it was such a "different" kind of headache.

- Dizzy feeling walking into work - waiting to pass out.

- Difficulty seeing computer - sure that blurred vision must mean stroke coming on.

- Sharp pain in foot near a varicose vein - another blood clot.

- Tinnitus driving me crazy  at 10am - must be blood pressure going sky high.

- Nausea after lunch - food poisoning??

- Shortness of breath walking up stairs at work around 2pm - clogged arteries - imminent heart attack??

- More shortness of breath driving home - what if I have heart attack on highway and cause an accident killing myself and l0 other people.

- Cooking dinner - feel numbness in left hand - STROKE!!

- Finally relax in front of TV - start to have mini panic attack so get up and walk around before it blows entirely out of proportion....afraid to take any meds that might make me worse so do nothing.

- Sit back down and feel another strange pain in a different part of my leg - blood clot must be travelling....dropping dead any minute now.

- Try to sleep but anxiety taking over every thought.

- Fall off to sleep and have crazy nightmares that leave me exhausted when I wake up in the morning.

And there it is - the day in the life of an anxiety ridden, depressed, hypochondriac.  WHAT FUN!!!!

The way I look at it, if we're going to be nuts let's at least try to laugh at ourselves outwardly (we sure don't do it inwardly).

Posted 2/9/2007 8:16 AM (GMT -7)
I can totally relate with you! I am feeling the same way everyday. I said in another post that I went to the ER yesterday, because I was constipated, and started to have a panic attack over it. I can't stand living like this. So, you are not alone. I'm sorry that any of us ever have to feel this way.

Posted 2/9/2007 8:18 AM (GMT -7)
I am glad you can laugh at you self I guess thats the best way for me to get thru my days as well .......
I dont bother worrying anymore for me it use to be worse due to Nursing background I would self dx all the time and it was so unreal ........yet I was convinced like you
Please keep postig and as was said the support here has been great glad to see all coming together
Luvs
Lyn
Posted 2/9/2007 9:03 AM (GMT -7)
Andwes

Honey I would be exausted from all of those thoughts and feelings I admire your strength. I know it can be hard having to push ourselfs so hard but your really doing great.

 

 

ScarletBlue

Welcome to HW were happy you have joined us all. You will find great support and friend ships here. Were all here for each other so please keep posting.

Posted 2/9/2007 9:56 AM (GMT -7)
andwes

i'm sorry you're going thru that but i'm glad i'm not alone!! I guess this is a daily routine for both of us. Sometimes i hope god will just miraculously cure me!
Posted 2/9/2007 10:16 AM (GMT -7)
I think it is a routine for many yet they are not here nor have found a support system like HW yet.........I am happy for the fact we do have each other to lean on
LYN
Posted 2/9/2007 6:48 PM (GMT -7)
Hang in there andwes! I am living proof that long time hypochondriacs can get over it and if I can you can too :)
Posted 2/10/2007 3:44 AM (GMT -7)
I guess I prefer to call it " Health Anxiety " lol
Just sounds better for me anyways lol
Thanks for your input and Welcome to HW
Lyn
Posted 4/28/2008 6:18 PM (GMT -7)
Hey Everyone, My Name is Brittney....Im am 21yrs old and I cant stand being a hypochondriac!!!! Ive been like this since i was 14yrs old....Im scared about everything!!! It all started off with just being scared of stopping breathing...I was always scared of that...I always thought that if when i went to sleep i would stop breathing for no reason and wouldnt wake up...So i would stay up all night until everyone else woke up and then id fall asleep feeling safer that just incase something happened someone was up to help....

 

Then my dad finally took me to the doctors and they told me it was anxiety and depression!!! So i figured they were right!!

 

Well after a while i still was scared and it was just doctor visit after doctor visit!!! See me unlike alot of people i liked going to the doctors because i liked hearing them tell me i was okay!!! it made me feel better for the moment...so yeah right now i have alot of hospital bills...SUCKS!!!

 

Well years passed and so many fears passed.....I have been scared about everything you name it....In 2004 a month after having my daughter I was diagnosed with a blood clot in my lung from just recently have a baby and also smoking while on birth control.....So i was in the hospital for a week...I was diagnosed a day before my 18th birthday which sucked....So you guessed it....now i have a fear that i will have that again!!!

 

 Its been almost 4yrs since then and im still scared of that!!! Thinking that ill have that again...cause that was scary!!! Right at this moment im feeling sick and have been getting headaches lately so my fear is i might have a tumor....or i might have an aneuryism....That is my biggest fear right now!!!!!

 

So i dont know what to do no more!!!! I cannot live like this no more!!! Its taking over my life...I just cant live and have fun!!! Going out with my friends is scary...Cause im scared that something might happen while im out with them!! And also working is horrible....Getting panic attacks at work SUCKS!!!! Having customers in line and knowing that i gotta take care of them and at the same time freaking out in my mind that something might happen to me right there....See i just cant deal with this no more....PLEASE HELP ME PLEEASE!!!

 

 I have a 3yr old daughter and its just scary living like this cause i dont want to leave her....She needs me!!! Thank you for listening to me....I HOPE TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO SOMEONE....THANK YOU.. 

 

Hi, this is Kitt.  I broke your post down into paragraphs so I could read it easier.  Old eyes here. :)

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 4/29/2008 7:56:57 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/28/2008 6:48 PM (GMT -7)
Brittney, firstly I am so glad that you have posted here at HW, welcome, you are in the right place here to get advice and support, so hang in there.  You seem to be going through a really rough time at the moment with panic attacks, anxiety and health concerns.  You seem to be having a panic attack at this very moment...I understand how scary this all is.  It doesn't sound to me that you are a hypochondriac..you had legitimate anxiety concerns in the first place and now having the headaches would really be pushing up your anxiety.

Sweetie, I know what it's like to go to doctors just to get a clean bill of health, there is NOTHING wrong with that at all.  Are you taking any meds at the moment or getting some counselling? It sounds like you really need someone to voice these fears to (and we will be here whenever you need us).

I guess all I can advise at this moment is to keep taking steady breaths, try not to imagine the worst about your head and do not classify yourself as a hypochondriac! You are going through something big and that is not your fault.  Please keep us posted and let us know if you are on any meds or if we can help you out in any way.  Hugs to you Brittney, hang in there..this will pass.

Posted 4/28/2008 6:59 PM (GMT -7)
HEY THANK YOU FOR GETTING BACK TO ME!!! WELL AT THE MOMENT IM ON A MED CALLED CELEXA FOR PANICS AND DEPRESSION!!! AND ITS HELPED A LITTLE FOR A WHILE BUT IT DOESNT SEEM TO HELP NO MORE!!! JUST LIKE WHEN I FIRST GOT CHECKED OUT I WAS PUT ON PAXIL WHICH HELPED FOR MONTHS THEN IT SORTA WORE OFF!!!! YEAH AT THE MOMENT IM SORTA GOIN THROUGH SOME STRESS AND ANXIETY AND I DONT KNOW...I TALK TO MY FRIENDS about THIS AND MY FAMILY AND THEY ALSO DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL ME NO MORE!!! IVE BEEN TO MANY DOCTORS AND THEY ALL SAY THE SAME THING...MAKE AND APPOINTMENT WITH A PSYCHIATRIST....AND BELEIVE ME I KNOW IT MAY HELP JUST....EVERYTIME I GO TO MAKE AND APPOINTMENT LATELY THEY TOLD ME I HAVE TO BE ON A WAITING LIST FOR THE INSURANCE IM ON...SOOO!!! RIGHT NOW THE ONLY PERSON I TALK TO IS MY MOM BUT THAT DONT SEEM TO HELP MUCH ANYMORE.....AND IVE JUST ALWAYS FELT ALONE ON THIS....I MEAN I ALWAYS KNEW THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE OUT THERE LIKE ME BUT IT WAS ALL SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHEN I DIDNT KNOW ANY PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU KNOW? BUT ALL THIS GOING ON IN MY LIFE IS JUST EATING AWAY AT ME AND IM ONLY 21YRS OLD AND I DONT WANT TO LIVE THIS WAY!!!  ITS JUST TAKING OVER AND CONTROLING MY LIFE!!! AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO CONTROL IT OR STOP IT NO MORE!!! I USED TO BE ABLE TO JUST TRY AND THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE BUT IT DOESNT WORK!!! MY MOM WOULD TELL ME TO DO CROSS WORD PUZZELS WHEN I WOULD FEEL PANICKY TO GET MY MIND OFF IT...AND IT WORKED TO A POINT THEN IT WOULD OVER POWER ME!!! EVERY LITTLE ACHE AND PAIN IN MY BODY THAT I EVER FEEL I ALWAYS THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG....IM SCARED EVERY SINGLE DAY...AND I JUST CANT DEAL WITH IT NO MORE!!!  THANK YOU FOR GETTING BACK WITH ME...I HOPE THAT THIS CAN AT LEAST EASE MY MIND A LITTLE BIT BEING ABLE TO TALK TO SOMEONE!!
Posted 4/28/2008 7:10 PM (GMT -7)
I really hope we can help ease your mind too Brittney.  It sounds like you are doing all the right things there, taking meds, talking to doctors and your mom (I'm so glad she's being supportive).  Maybe you need to get your medication reviwed if it's not working anymore..sometimes that just happens and the dose needs to be tweaked.

It's good advice to try and take your mind of things (I find silly movies work well for me)..but it only helps for so long.  have you ever heard of CBT? (cognitive behavioural therapy)..you can get access to free help sites on the internet and books as well.  This might help while you wait to get in and see a psych.  I know there are other people at HW who have some good links and they will, no doubt be along soon to share that with you.  In the meantime know we are here for you, we understand and keep posting..we want to help you through this sweetie.  Hugs for you.

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