I still haven't told him or anyone else. I'm really afraid of what he will say and I've been taking pills here and there, not enough to notice, and hiding them again. So obviously, I'm not ok. I keep justifying it to myself. I don't know why. It is like a back up plan for me in case I decide I need them. What is wrong with me?
We had a big blow today. We learned some news about our taxes that hubby's ex has done and will net us $2000 less than before if we can't fight it. I've been crying all day. I hate her so much. And I've been thinking about my stash. I'm not dealing well with anything and I don't know how to fix myself. I feel broken, worn out. I've taken all that I can handle and more. I'm at my breaking point. If one more thing happens, I don't think I'll be safe. And it feels ok to me. I know it's sick and unhealthy. Please put me in your prayers. I need them so much. I need Him to protect me. We are good people, she is not, yet she seems to get all the breaks. Where is there justice in that?
Thanks for letting me vent some more. I will try and get up the courage to tell him. I just know he'll be hurt and disappointed in me and I hate that. I'd rather have someone hit me than get the look. When I was little, Mom spanked, but Dad gave the look. I always hoped for the spanking. The look makes me feel very very very small.
You all have good advise as always. Kittie and Janet, I can always count on you both for a good but firm answer. Thanks for that. I just need to work up the courage. Do you think the Wizard will give me some?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
RX: synthroid, estradiol, prozac, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, maxalt, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006