You're not alone,but you are alone.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 2/18/2007 7:23 AM (GMT -7)   
A lot of times people say 'you're not alone' or 'we're here for you' which is a nice gesture and the sign of a good heart, but ultimately there's nothing anybody can do or say to help, when it comes to your anxiety.You are more than alone. You're not even by yourself when your with your anxiety,you're usually lost in amongst it,and when you come back out and realise you've just been living in your subconscious you want to tell people what you've expierenced in the hope they will emphasise and understand, but i don't know if this helps or is actually more counter-productive.

When your anxiety free for a minute,i think the best thing to do is direct all your conscious thought and will power into anything that takes your mind away from the anxiety,so by coming online to discuss it you're actually fuelling it and more likely to sit down and let the curtains of anxiety open which is usually a conscious nightmare- or daymare,i dont know what you'd call that. When your really anxious,you're not actually aware of why,you cannot sit and watch it,you partcipate in it until your thinking straight again,so it doesn't actually matter how your anxiety manifests itself and what symptoms are unique to you,coming on to tell people about it makes it seem like they are important and somehow telling people will benefit you,but really your just unconsciously reinforcing that they exist.

So then your left trying to differentiate what thoughts are instigated by anxiety and what ones you consciously want which isn't easy,but if you manage to find yourself in a period of stabality,surely the idea is not to think about anything that's happened to you no matter how bad it felt or what it made you do or not do but to motivate yourself to do something you enjoy doing,no?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/18/2007 8:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey shine, There really isnt anything that any one of us can do to help another physically on this forum.  Your right that we are not there for each other in the moment of the attacks when they hit and reach their highest point.  It is a very isolative feeling when your in that moment and cant breathe, thoughts are racing, focus is blurry and your heart is pounding out of your chest.  Even when we feel we are going to die in that moment we manage to come out of it or we perhaps have learned a way to better control these attacks when they do occur.  You think about what brought it on, where you were at, what the triggers were for you and how can you avoid this from happening again.

See, in my opinion that is what makes this site so great, people may say "you are not alone" or "we are here for you" and I know that it means that I am not alone in what I am going through personally and what I have to deal with everyday.  I dont think anyone who posts on this forum does so to get attention or to feel important.  Nor do the ones who respond who also have the same disorders feel the need to "reinforce that they exist".  Anxiety and panic disorder is a very real and serious disorder for those of us who have it and to be able to not feel so isolated in our disorder and be able to reach out to others, share like experiances with others and hopefully be able to help others who also have this is a great thing to experiance.  Which is what Healing Well is all about

I would have to wonder if you dont agree with this on some level as you have made over 20 posts on this web-site so you must of found some benefit from I wrong here?

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

tangerine bear
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 2/18/2007 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Diamond,

That is an interesting point of view.. I had to re-read your post several times to make sure I understood it. I tend to believe in the opposite, otherwise therapy would not be helpful, and from all I've read, it's avoidance that fuels the anxiety, and exposure that allows you to overcome it. I don't really think you can "over-talk" your anxiety triggers, symptoms, etc., as long as there are empathetic participants involved on the "listening" side. That doesn't necessarily hold true of family and friends though, as they may be "sympathetic", they actually have no idea what you are going through. I really feel that talking with either fellow sufferers or a professional makes me face my anxiety triggers, and although I still have anxiety, I don't fear it the way I used to. Thank goodness we have a place to vent, and that we are here for each other. I hope this makes sense, as I just woke up. :)

"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
"Turn this car around... I'm goin' back..."
Tom Petty
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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 2/18/2007 10:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey. Thanks for replying. Before i reply again,i'll try and explain what it is that led me to that conclusion. I suffer from body dysmorphic disorder which is closey linked with OCD, but it's anxiety related with appearance,i don't know if you've heard of it? Well i can only speak from my anxiety disorder,i'm not sure how closely they're all relted.

I was watching a movie earlier,and i couldn't really concentrate that well for the most of it,but i noticed my mind kind of split into two,i had the part of me that was concentrating on the movie and the part of me that was thinking,and i actually felt like i could watch myself thinking,has anyone ever had this? I believe it's called derealisation.I was just observing my natural thought pattern to see where it takes me,which is more often than not into a brick wall. But as I was watching the movie i noticed myself looking at the 4 guys in it and comparing their facial feautres to each other and mine etc... and as soon as the part of my mind that was thinking that (the worrying,anxiety side) it merged into my complete consciousness to start thinking as a whole about their appearance and mine,which is a typical BDD trait.

So what actually happened was my anxiety was just lingering about,i actually sat and watched it when i couldnt concentrate on the movie until it noticed something to do with appearance and then it brought to my attention that something was wrong and fooled me into thinking about appearance oritentated thing. The something that was wrong was actully that my subconscious thought pattern if you want to call it that was running on anxiety and it was distressing so it came to it's own conclusion that i had a problem and it notified my conscience that something wasn't right,but it fooled me into thinking it was something to do with my apperance,like it's been doing to me for a couple of years. If someone suffered OCD it could fool them into thinking they needed to wash their hands and their hands wern't clean,i don't know- however your anxiety and your personality combine.

The main problem from that though is what is it that's making us live in fear? Does everyone live in fear,but just think different ways to accomidate it or is it a specific thought pattern we established and other people didn't when we were younger? What do you's think?

Avoidance of situations where your anxiety persists is going to fuel it tangerine bear,your right because then you're telling yourself that the anxiety is important- real things to worry about - but an anxiety disorder is unrealistic worries- they're not real,it is things you don't consciously worry but more unconsciously and the effect is so overwhelming you believe there must be something to worry about.

Talking about things help,yeah,but to say to someone 'i'm anxious and worrying and distressed' is ok,but to delve into the worry and actually speak about it doesn't make sense to me. I'm really pushed for time here and i cant articulate what i want to say properly,i'll reply again at some point when i have more time to.

Thanks for your response and i'll get back to you's.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 2/18/2007 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Els summed it up pretty well.

I would like to add that even though we do ulimately have to deal with A/P OUSELVES, we do not have to deal with it ALONE. You can gain strength from the empathy, encouragement, advise, etc. provided so freely by everyone here at HW. And strength is what we need to work through A/P. As I've mentioned before in a reply to one of your posts, it is most often a long and difficult road (not to mention VERY frustrating).

I consider myself very lucky in that I am anxiety/panic free more often than not. I know there will be future attacks, but coming here and supporting others does not bring on the bad spells or make them happen more often. And the support I receive during those bad spells really does help. I have picked up some additional methods to add to my toolbox of coping skills.

It sounds like you are at a very low point. I've been there. If you follow the posts here, you know others have been also. There is no miracle cure, and it wont happen overnight, but it CAN get better. The first step is that you have to BELIEVE that. Without a positive (or at least a determined) outlook, you're fighting yourself as well as the disorder. Unlike other health issues, it is not just a matter of lifestyle or diet changes, we have to work on changing how we think. Finding the right combo of meds and therapists is a very important part of accomplishing this (IMHO).

You too CAN get a grip on this. Are you ready and willing to "fight the fight"? We'll be here to support and encourage you, provide pointers on what else may help, and let you know when you are slipping - all with the honest intentions of helping you.

Hope you decide to stick around and wishing you the best.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 2/19/2007 1:28 AM (GMT -7)   

  Sounds like you got some REALLY GOOD input from all here and I might just say it has helped me out sooo much too and had found miny good friends on here to help me get back up when I fall and for that I thank you all and HW for putting us all together with all kind of suport and help

  Cowboy up

   Forum Moderator Anixety/Panic
  Happyness is sitting around a warm campfire with no worry's or cares as day turn's to night.
  Help Healing Well grow as your donations are greatly appreciated @


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