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Had a major breakdown last night....

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 2/24/2007 11:55 AM (GMT -8)
Everything came to a head last night. I was crying so hard no one could understand me. I'm LDS and our Bishop is paying our rent and giving us food orders. My husband has FMLA so that he can stay home with me IF I need him. Well, I think he's been just calling in to stay home. He didn't work one day this week, so we aren't going to have a paycheck on Friday.I have a $188 power bill that is due on Monday that I can't pay, my car was out of gas and I put my last $6 in it. In my opinion, he has been abusing the system and by doing so, he's not taking care of me or his kids. He donates plasma so he can bowl and that's what he did last night. But it's all my fault for worrying about money. According to him, I need to just be happy and carefree and let him do all the stressing and worrying. Well, how in the hell am I supposed to do that. He has also been very careless with the key to my med safe and last night he left it out. You don't know how hard it was for me to ignore it. I called my counselor's crisis line, my parents came over. I was an absolute wreck. I hate my life and I hate being here. When I was in the hospital, we learned coping skills, but they never told us how to implement the things they told us.My coping skills are non-exsistant. I'm just very, very tired of fighting the depression, anxiety, bipolar. My body hurts everywhere because of my arthritis which is flaring right now. And I can't afford to go to any doctors appts. because I can't pay the co-pay. So I'm stuck in this rutt that I can't dig myself out of. Thanks for letting me vent. It always helps a bit to get it out in a safe environment.
Posted 2/24/2007 12:57 PM (GMT -8)
Chelle, sooo sorry for what you are going thru. I'd tell your husband point blank that he can help alleviate your worry (which feeds the A/P and depression) by using his plasma money to help pay the bills for a while and to go to work as you need the paycheck. Promise to call him if you need him.

You showed great strenth in ignoring that Key!! You should be very proud - especially considering everything else going on. Try to give yourself some "down" time to regroup. Can the crisis hotline give you tips on implementing the coping skills? What skills did you learn - maybe we can help?

Hope today goes better,
Karen
Posted 2/24/2007 1:35 PM (GMT -8)
karen has given you some great advice. I am proud of you for how you handled this...Hang in there...we are here for you...
Posted 2/25/2007 6:13 PM (GMT -8)
We had a long talk. Like I said my parents came over because they werr worried also. I acyually did call the crisis line and she told me to call my parents to see if they could help me. I'm a bit better today, not much, but an improvement. I'm very groggy and tired. I've got a migraine form all the stressing and crying. All I can do is tread water.

 

Posted 2/27/2007 5:17 AM (GMT -8)
Chelle
sorry just caught this post am so proud of you for ignoring that key for starters
Tell him to get his A** to work you will call him like was mentioned I think it is adding way to much pressure on you as do others you need to be living NOT just treading water
Coping skills did they give you any Karen is right we can help you
Dang you are hanging by a thread we are here to help you and the rope is long and many peeps are pulling on it for you
Keep the faith
LYN
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