As I read this thread, one thought came to my mind: Who really knows what makes a person the way he/she is? Sometimes there seems to be no concrete answer. Yes, I agree that a few people may actually want to be "sick", but I truly believe that in most cases, it's a lot more complicated than that. I can sit and psychoanalyze myself and others all day long, yet the more I know about myself or someone else, I'm still aware that in the end, no one really knows much at all! Sure, we can all figure out to a certain degree why a person may act a particular way or views something in a certain light, but even then there's so much more to it. I've been reading a book about an actress of the silent screen. She seemed almost agoraphobic towards the last years of her life. She's was a fascinating woman that seemed to mess up her own life. When she got very close to success, she'd flee. She died basically broke and alienated from her family and most of her friends. In her childhood, she was molested by a man. When she told her mother about it, her mother asked the child, "What did you do to that poor man?" It must've played a part in her view of things all thru her life, but other events molded her perceptions as well. So as with this example, can any of us truthfully say, with disdain, that a person wants to be sick? And if they do, is it necessarily because they're a lazy, good-for-nothing person? Can't it go deeper than what we are able to perceive or even understand? I'm sure that more than a few of us have been asked by a therapist "What do you get out of the anxiety?" I know that when I was asked that question, I got upset! So I was bringing it upon myself, was I? Could they actually believe that I wanted to be this way on purpose?!!? However, as time has passed, I have come to believe that deep within me, there's an unconscious reason for some of my panic and there must be actual benefits that it brings me. Some of the answers are not even unconscious anymore! Admittedly, I am relieved that I do not have to work a secular job, as I hate being "out there". Am I consciously glad about it though? NO or at least, not exactly. In exchange for my "freedom", I get a little over $600 a month in disability benefits. I've never married and have been living with my folks all my life (Dad died 9 years ago). Mom rules the roost pretty much completely. Sometimes I feel bitter about it. And I really don't get out of having to work secularly either, because I help Mom in her cleaning work. (I am NOT a paid employee by the way, so I am NOT scamming the gov't.) Anyhow, I do get something out of being the way I am. What do I get then? For the most part, I still don't know. I do know that I am glad to not have to deal with a lot of the stresses that most folks have to deal with on a regular basis. But if I'm subconsciously being anxy so I won't have to hold down a secular job, then I'm paying quite dearly for my "freedom". I've found that I can be glad, sad, mad, scared, and worried all at the same time. I ask myself:Why am I this way??? Am I then a bad person for not being what society generally expects? Can I help it? Is it all my own fault? Some may thus say YES, I suppose. But I say NO. Who to believe? Don't ask me, because I don't know. What I do know is that I'm doing the very best I can.