Went too deep in a mind maze, now I'm stuck

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 3/25/2007 1:41 AM (GMT -6)   
This may seem like I've been on hardcore drugs, or I'm psychotic or schizo, but it isn't. I've been pretty much the rational guy all my life. But for a while I've been building anxiety or something like it from trying to figure out what life is. And I feel like as long as I don't find answers to my question life is going to seem irrational for me, which causes me to severely panic.

It's weird. I doubt in everything now. Every single one of my thoughts and reactions are analyzed and I feel very distant to myself. Like I'm not there anymore, like I'm just acting acording to some old reflexes I used to have. Like I'm just a copy of what I think I've been before now.

It all started when I began thinking about how the universe was created. I've never been into religion. So when I thought about where humans come from the answer was earth. Earth comes from the universe. Universe comes from big bang. Big bang comes from where? God? And what is time? Why does it go by every second? How long does a thought last? What if everyone around me was just some sort of image? What if I'm alone in this world with a real conscience? What is my conscience? Where does it come from? What if just suddenly turned off? What if I lose control? Why do I act like this talk like this think like this?

I feel like the world is unreal now. And it's scary. I just wish I'd have never thought of all that.

The good thing is, I know all humans have or will at least once in their lives think about stuff like that. Tons of philosophy books, fiction books, movies, have been created on those subjects. Humans have been living since the dawn of time with things they couldn't understand without going mad like I am.

Anyone ever felt like the world wasn't real anymore, and they couldn't get back to their old self? Am I'm doomed to live in panic until I lose all affections I can give life? Will I really go mad? How am I supposed to cope with rationnal ideas causing anxiety, while there are no rational answers to those questions? What happens when you deeply doubt everything you are and think?

Sorry, I wish I could post something less pessimistic right now. I'm pretty desperate. Feel like I'm trapped in a rotting mind.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/25/2007 5:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Well, Floatingthoughts I think it may be time for you to take control of your life and seek some help from you doc - tell him everything that is going thru your head...just like you have told us.. It really is ok to question all these things that you have mentioned, but when we get to dwelling on them all the time - and find that we are missing out on so much in life..it's time to take action.
Take good care. Keep posting. Seek help.
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1449
   Posted 3/25/2007 2:09 PM (GMT -6)   
part of your problems might be derealisation, read about it on the net
recovered former longtime anxiety and panic attack sufferer and helper of other sufferers  but no training or  qualifications in medicine or psychology, any remarks that may be taken as advice must be confirmed with doctor or other health professional
emails are welcome but do mention healingwell to avoid risk of deletion as spam

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 3/25/2007 2:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Is there medecine made especially for derealisation? When I wake up in the morning I feel pretty relaxed, but my first thoughts are about if this world is real or not. During the first hour I can push em off or even aswer of laugh at the thought, but the more the day goes, the more these thoughts and fear about is reality real or not start bashing in my mind. At the end of the day I feel severe derealisation panic, and I grab a pill to sleep. How do you conquer this? I never thought simple thoughts and questions could ruin a mind. Anybody got through all this? How?

Thanks so much for your comments suggestions and support.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 934
   Posted 3/25/2007 2:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I have the same problem. Then extreme derealization follows when I ponder these same thoughts.

My recommendation to you is to not think about them ALONE but to discuss them with someone else that you trust.

I talk about these thoughts with my sister; and we almost make up our own philosophies. It helps to know that not only am I having the derealization during these questions me and her ponder; but she too has the derealization.

Derealization is the feeling of basically unreality. Everything starts to feel fake, the world around you is not how you would normally think it should be, and you feel like your in a bubble or you're not really there. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but I've had it for 9 years, and it is not fun.


Know that you're not alone!

And welcome to Healing Well.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 3/25/2007 4:30 PM (GMT -6)   
you may also have a touch of OCD, which would cause you to obsess about certain thoughts to the point you just can't stop thinking about them. and the harder you try to distract yourself the worse it gets. fortunately a lot of the same therapy and medications that work for anxiety and depression work for OCD.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 3/25/2007 7:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I've talked about the subjects causing my anxiety with my friends, and for a while it calms me down. But I feel like the derealisatio n will eventually come back. I don't know about therapy. I pretty much know the things in my life I have to change to relieve myself of stress. Still, I think the anxiety causing thoughts will still be there.

Is there drugs for to fix this? Do they last only for a while? Do you have to take em all your life? I'm 24 and my life was starting to look like what I've always dreamed of living. All I hope is that it won't be screwd for all I should have left to live. But there's a lot of hope in your replies and other posts in the forum.

Thanks again for your attention suggestions and support.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 3/25/2007 8:33 PM (GMT -6)   

I think you may be having a "dissa - I can't even spell it! -socciative episode.  It is quite normal to have these feelings.  Especially at you age.  You also seem to be exhibiting high levels of anxiety.  I suggest a visit to you GP would be good. Tell him how you are feeling sweetie. 

Are there medications to help? possibly thee is something to diminish the "anguish" you seem to be experiencing but I believe counselling and therapy are best.  Take the meds to give yourself perspective, do the therapy to understand what's causing it in the first place. 

I took meds for ten years but I don't anymore.  They halped me get to where I am now (nice place!!) but I won't need them "forever".  Have a chat with your doc and good luck! Welcome to HW :-)

I alone can do this, but I cannot do it alone. 

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 3/26/2007 1:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow. It's amazing how within 24hours you can feel like life is the real hell, and then later feel back like your normal self again. I started this thread at about the same time yesterday, thinking I was gone forever, and that if I'd have to go on like this for the rest of my life I'd either kill myself or become a numb vegetable.

And it's true, no matter how much it banged between my ears, I didn't go crazy, still myself, still can see the difference between dream and reality, and the world hasn't changed a bit.

Today i've talked about all I felt and my anxiety thoughts to some friends. Took low dosage of the doc's pills which are meant to help sleep better on high dose, and reduce stress on low dose. I've kept my mind busy on a video editing project, read some more on this forum, and spent time with friends.

All these simple things reduced the anxiety about 95% for today. I wasn't hungry at all before, and now the apetite's back strong. I know the battle's only half won, but now with this anxiety break i've had today, and being able to feel myself again just for 8 hours, gives a hell of a lot of hope that things can get better. And while I've had this break from anxiety, I've took the time to think and seperate paranoïa from what's real, so if it all strikes again I hope doing this will help me convince myself that my fears are abstract crap.

But there's a couple of could things from high anxiety I might miss. I've noticed that reaction time is increased while playing fighting game on playstation with my friends. I beat em easy while usually it's a big struggle. And while doing weight lifting during an attack, I was noticeably stronger than usual, and seemed like I didnt get tired from the execise. And when you're off it, it's like being born again. Like a second chance to life.

And thank you again so much for your support. I counts so much when you think you're alone in the universe who's going down and no one can help.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 3/26/2007 5:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Has your doc suggested an antidepressant or anti anxiety meds?

You sound very positive in this last post which is good and if you can hang on to those thoughts you can get through this. Anxiety can not harm you and I know you can see that when you are feeling well. Try and hang on to that.

Keep in touch with us, we are here for support. You can get through this and should be proud of your last post - you have come a long way since the first post.

Take care.

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 3/26/2007 9:00 PM (GMT -6)   
The doc gave me some Ativan (which is how we call it in french, maybe it's the same in english), it works on anxiety, and I think people usually take this when they have insomnia. I seem to be going up the slope for the last couple of days. I've got a lot of support from people around me, and comprehension when I talk about how I feel and why. And realize lots of people around have felt the same way before, and it's encouraging to see they got out of it. Also doing the things I used to like, listening to the music I used to like, even if at first it doesn't seem to bring any satisfaction, eventually it does a bit. On During my highs I still get the automatic negative thoughts, but the seem to be dim with little impact on how I feel. So I know for sure its just anxiety and not thinking making me go crazy. Anyway, I still feel fragile, but going up a bit day by day, is encouraging and helps me know for sure that this can and will end. I just don't know when yet, and I won't worry about that. And everytime I get a high, I try to enjoy the simplicity of life.

I've also learned that when anxious about irrational stuff, even if it seems absurd for the moment, because all you want to do is chase the negative thoughts away, it's really a good idea to start working on the stress agents happening elsewhere in your life. Even if you don't feel that they are the actual problem.

I'll never say this enough, thanks for your support, input and suggestions. I feel like without this forum I would be sinking deeper instead of moving back up.

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/27/2007 12:30 PM (GMT -6)   
yeah  Yep FT it is said and spelt same way here but I am in Ontario so who knows lol....I know the USA and Britain also spells it that way .........so you are good .........
Ativan does help and it is given for anxiety and panic ( sublingual ...under tonue)  works quicker BUT you can also let it melt under your tonue and it will work right quick I have had to do this as have others when really needed ........
I am really happy that you are doing things you enjoy it is a big thing and a good thing in " self help" .........
I still get the downs once in awhile too so have no worry k most ppl do it is kinda a rollercoaster ride at times nono
YOU are sounding much more positive and happy from the time of your first post and for this it makes me so proud of you .......Be PROUD of self as well
So glad you found us and I see you are becoming active on the boards ......good going
STAY with us hun and it will help as you know ......no need to thank all the time thats what HW is all about
A "lil Family" that cares supports and is always here for you and others
God Bless
Stay Positive and keep posting /Thanks for the email tongue
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