It seems that no matter how much I think I've learned or think I know, I end up feeling like an idiot anyway. I had several really good weeks, pretty much anxiety-free. And yes, I am VERY grateful for them and realize that many folks have not had any good days or weeks in a while (been there, done that!) Nonetheless, when I have a setback, it totally throws me down in a way.
The day before last, as I was eating lunch, I had a near PA and I sat there and told myself to not run, jump up or anything. Just to sit there and wait it out. I told myself that it would pass and to NOT make a big deal out of it, as I understand that such thinking feeds the fear. Although I was unable to finish eating, my tummy was too topsy-turvey, I went on about
my business as usual. Of course, the memory of it flitted thru my mind on and off for the rest of the day. The next day, I felt some anxiety, but managed to get thru the day okay. This morning I awoke and felt anxy again and was all upset at myself, wishing that the stupid anxiety would just go on and leave me alone!!! But I got up and have been self-talking myself remembering that I've had bad days/weeks/months before and survived them and will do the same now. I still am trying to not get myself all worked up, but it's kind of hard when your stomach feels all afloat! Sigh! I've had diarreah these couple of days from the anxiety and have been sick for awhile with an ear infection which is being treated with drops (no oral antibiotics). My BP was really high when I checked it at the pharmacy yesterday: 173/101. I've been extremely tired too with this ear infection and now a relapse of the anxiety. So I can't help but wonder what has happened to set me back? I always get afraid that the Paxil (75 mg) maybe isn't working, but then again, I guess we can expect trials even with ADs. I've continued to manage w/o taking xanax...in one way, it would be soooooooo easy to take that sweet little pill for relief. But then I get to thinking that if I take it, maybe my self-talk is of no value and I hate that idea! I need to think that I'm having at least some control in my being better! I dunno...if it keeps on, maybe I should take a little xanax...such a difficult decision for me anymore...
BTW, I've noticed from some of the other posts here that others seem to be having some setbacks at this time...it makes me wonder if it's somehow related to the seasons or "something" that we don't understand.
I love you guys...I hope we all feel better soon!
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.