Man oh man - do I need support THIS week!!!!

Here I am again - Ms. Health Anxiety trying to get through the last week before my new job starts next Monday (if all the paperwork goes through). Went for drug test today (I'm not on anything other than Toprol) and you'd think I was going for brain surgery - still worried they'll find something else lethal in my urine....shook like a leaf the entire time I was in the office.  Still contemplating what it's going to be like when I go for my physical (I can feel BP jump just by talking about it).  Then it's my son's l6th birthday Wednesday and it's the same day he has to finally go to the Cardiologist (here's hoping nothing's wrong with him) AND he's also hot to trot for me to take him for his driver's permit, then I have a get-together with old girlfriends from high school Thursday night which normally would be a hoot but I'm so nervous about everything coming together that I'm not sure I'll enjoy.  Frankly, I guess I'm feeling "boxed" in by all the things I "have" to do in order to get this job.....wish I could refuse physical but that would probably mean they'd refuse to give me insurance.  I'm just so scared when they see my BP spike that they're going to say something like "we can't let you start until you find out what's causing this.", blah, blah.  I've been sitting here at this temp job today and when I doodle, here's what I doodle - boxes within boxes.....do ya think that translates as me feeling "boxed" in - I do.  And boy do I wish I could have afforded a week or so off before starting this new job - which from what I've heard will be pretty hectic and stressful (yuck).  What I want in life is something I don't think I'm ever going to have - a job I truly love, money, and anxiety-free peace of mind.  And I know it's a source of so much of my anxiety and depression - any job I WOULD love doesn't pay worth a darn (doing rescue work with animals), interior decorating (considering I don't have any formal education) and so I keep opting for secretarial because that's where I can make the most but I hate it really - and after 35+ years of doing it I'm really just plan sick of it.  Oh well, we all have to live with the choices we make and I should have made some wiser ones many years ago.  Anyway, just venting to the people I know will understand.  Thanks for listening.

I so understand
Am doing alot off dealing with things right now as well Cait going away from me for the first time for that long to the big city of Toronto .....a whole month/ is already ripping me apart emotionally and now physically my crohns is way ouuta whack and in bed most of wknd just not up to posting ya know feel like i am going round in circles I have notes upon notes of things she has to take for her trip and it is alot believe me with a teen young Lady
Things I need to still get and so on
Just went thru her (daughters) BD and then Easter I had to spend in bed very ill blood coming out of me and so on but ........
I am a total flake last bit
Keep venting I am sure others will drop by as well andwes
I will prolly cut back on the posting for a bit I am involved in too much right now but will check in on you and some others as well there are other fantastic mods I am sure can do the job and give their support as they always do..Normal.Freezin,Jordan.Victoria..all fantabulous mods
Keep strong and
Be well
LYN

Take care my friend please take care

 

LYN

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And,

If you're trying to get an administrative assistant type position, I doubt there's anyway a physical is going to keep you from getting hired unless you're going for an Executive Secretary position or something. Then they might be a little more stringent, but I doubt it.

If you've temped for this company and they want to hire you outright, they're going to find a way to do it. Don't worry about the physical. It's clear that you've impressed somebody to the point they want you on board, and there's probably not much that can happen at this point that's going to change their minds. Just focus on the positive work that's gotten you to this point.

I'm sure you don't like the work, but your position is actually very important and they want competent people in them. That should make you feel good!

First off, thank you guys for your continued support - it's amazing what a boost just reading your posts can give!  Lyn, I'm soo sorry you're going through such an awful time - I have a friend with Chrons and the poor thing suffers just like you - a nasty, nasty, illness and it just doesn't seem fair that good, kind people like yourself should have to suffer with this awful disease.  Please know that I am thinking of you and will look forward to reading your posts once again when you feel up to it.

And debaser's kind words about job - trouble is, you're right - it IS an very high level Exec. Sec'y job and frankly, at age 60, I'm wondering if I can still cut the mustard - this guy is VERY, VERY demanding I hear and he's gone through three secretaries in three years, as they couldn't stand the stress anymore.  My only "out" is that after one year on the job you can apply for other open positions in the company - the secret is, just get your foot in the door and that's what I'm trying to do.  I know I have some unaddressed medical issues - so want that insurance REEEEEAL bad and I guess I'm just stressing thinking I won't make it through the initial screening - if they told me today I needed to go to the doc for something I'd be outta luck - NO MONEY!!!!  So it's just tugging at me to get through this.....I heard that you don't have to have your physical BEFORE you start the job so I'm going to start on Monday and just hope they "forget" that I haven't had it - I'm not going to call Medical Dept. - let them find me.  When they see me coming in there shaking like a leaf and acting a fool, they'll problem stamp my application "WACKY - DON'T HIRE!! (ha, ha). Oh well, I guess maybe if I tried to laugh off this stuff more, maybe I wouldn't be the neurotic freak I am!!

Well, it just so happens that I have a friend with severe anxiety who functioned perfectly well as the executive assistant to a VP at my company. She did so well, in fact, that she was always fielding job offers from everywhere...and not for assistant positions. She's doing really, really well at her new job. Her anxiety was definitely health-centered, too.

From the way you're talking, you've already been hired. They're confident you can do the job. Why aren't you? It's JUST anxiety playing head games with you. I'm sure that you'll be fine and especially when your insurance kicks in and you can get some treatment. The physical? Try not to worry about it. If it were that important to them there's no way they'd let you start work before having one, and since you're hired, they're going to have a hard time firing you for medical reasons without exposing themselves to significant legal liability (assuming you're in the States).

From a business perspective, look at it this way:

They've spent money on you already. They've paid for your drug test, they've probably done a background check, a credit check, and have probably had an admin check around on the internet to see if you have myspace pages and stuff. All that costs time and money. They're heavily invested already and for them to let you walk now would be EXTREMELY unlikely.

YOU ARE IN LIKE FLYNN. Relax! Celebrate! Live a little. I'll eat my shoe if you're not still working there a month from now.

Anwes
I am so taken back by your sweet words I am really emotional right now I think it has to do with weather and all of what is going on with health and of course Cait's trip.....THANK YOU for your caring and support ......

I like Debaser believe you are in " like flint" ( good choice of words) and I will bet anything you will BE THERE for a long time to come ......Debaser has covered it all

You have come so far and even "ole dogs like us " are valuable ya know lol......

Keep us posted please and
Keep laughing and smiling.......... always here for you

Luvs
LYN......feel free to email me if so inclined

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