Thanks for replying bennettgirl,
yesterday was horrible by afternoon I was a sobbing hysterical mess. I tried ringing the hospital to reach my pdoc but just got the run around with the end result sorry we're full we can't re-admit you.
I told them I didn't want to be re-admitted I just wanted to talk to my pdoc. I'm so angry before I left the hospital I knew that this week would be the test with the pms and I was worrying endlessly when my pdoc started me on a worry diary. I finally wrote down my worry and realised that he'd be able to help me organise a backup plan just in case. Well I brought it up and he didn't seemed concerned about me needing a backup plan so now I'm just a huge mess in front of the kids again. My youngest has been following me around everywhere she's worried I'm going to go away again. All I want is for the pdoc to get my moods/ pms under control. I can't keep this happening every month for the next 15 years.
Even my husband said you're getting better, but this happens every month. DER.... I know that and I can't take it anymore. The first 2 days I used the techniques I'd been taught and they helped me get through it but yesterday was just so full on the crying lasted 7 hours straight. (That's one positive of keeping diaries for the pdoc the good and bad is all there in black and white.)
I'm going to mums today which is more pressure on her as she's elderly, but I don't feel safe to be alone.