Hi there! I know it is hard in a situation like this to NOT blame yourself. But from what you have told me, I really dont see how her wanting to leave you is your fault. I am sorry that her business failed and that her friend treated her so poorly, but those are the times when couples should come together not get further apart. At least that is what I always thought marriage was about anyway. As far as your anxiety goes and your sleeping problem, I feel the same way about that....your wife should be doing all she can to try and HELP you and encourage you through this...not say mean, hurtful and unfeeling things. Marriage is for better or WORSE, not till something comes along you think you cant handle. When your spouse needs you the MOST that is when you should be there the MOST. I think you gain strength through prayer during this time. No one can handle situations like this on their own. Your wife should be praying about this and ways to help you( I dont know if she is a christian person or not). In my opinion, she should NOT be bad mouthing you on the internet, or saying hurtful things to you. You keep saying you think it might be your fault for how you treated her...what do you mean by that? Youve never mentioned anything to me in which I felt you said or did anything to her that would be considered badly. And as far as you taking care of yourself. I am sure you are quite capable of doing that. You seem like a very knowledgeable, intelligent person. You would be suprised at what you can do when you have to.
I hope you dont mind me saying this but, why would these girl friends of yours offer to date you whille you are still married??? Just seems inappropriate to me. I would think they would have more respect for your marriage than to do that. I know they are aware there are problems in your marriage..but to me that still doesnt make it right for them to be wanting to date you while you are still married.
I understand EXACTLY what you mean about the trust factor. It is hard after someone, who basically PROMISED in wedding vows to stay with you till death, leaves you, to trust again. I feel exactly as you do. If I ever get involved with anyone again it would have to be someone who is patient, kind and understanding of mental illness..anxiety/ panic attacks and who is willing to help and encourage me in getting help to conquer this problem. In fact, I wouldnt mind someone who is suffering from it as well. I mean...who better to understand you than someone who has the same illness. I think it would easier to talk to someone( start a relationship with someone) who has either been through it, or is going through it...because they would know EXACTLY where you are coming from. Helping someone with anxiety takes a LOT of patience, understanding and love. So I think in the future if I want to have a relationship with someone, it would have to be someone who I KNOW understands me, what I am going through, and is willing to be by my side and encourage me.
Sloan, you never babble on and on. I truly enjoy reading what you write everyday. I always look forward to your replies. :) . Thank you for saying you think I am a good mom. I needed to hear that. I try my best, am not perfect, but know it is my responsibility to bring them up in the Lord. They have devotionals they do, and I talk to them about God and how He can be their best friend..etc. I am Presbyterian. I have been in the church all my life. I used to go to Sunday School every Sun since I was a little girl. Since my health got bad. I dont go as much as I would like. So I listen to preachers on tv and radio. Your dad sounds like a great person to talk to about religion. That is wonderful that all he has gone through( his divorce) hasnt mad him bitter. Nope, my ex has nothing to do with the kids. He doesnt send them birthday or Christmas cards or birthday gifts or Christmas presents. NOTHING. I dont even think they remember much about him. My ex was kind of rough with my kids...and with me mentally. He used to call me names..like phychotic ass, use the f word with me a lot( which I cannot stand! I HATE that word, I find it disgusting and disrespectful). So he is just basically out of all of our lives.
That waterbed sounds NICE. Maybe I should think about getting one of those. I dont sleep that well myself so maybe it would help. Hope you get that one you mentioned. I was wondering, you mentioned you have a laptop, so you have your own computer and your wife has hers? I was wondering because I wanted to ask you if it was ok if I emailed you? I thought maybe it would be easier to talk through there. Sometimes I have trouble with this website coming up. I didnt want to do that though in case your wife would mind. I have a desktop puter that sits in the livining room. I wish I did have a laptop though..this one has too many wires and cords lol. Let me know about the email idea and maybe I could just start emailing you. If that would be ok. :)
Think I might go out and do some yard work today. It is supposed to be nice here. My son is going to see Spiderman 3 with my sister. So he will be a happy camper today. :)
Oh btw..speaking of camping...do you like to fish or camp or anything like that? I love it. My neighbor across the street went fishing yesterday and brought over some bass he had caught..oh man...was it DELICIOUS!! The best fish I have had in a LONG time. Just melted in my mouth. I think fishing is soo relaxing. Its nice to just go and take a lunch and relax.
Well, I hope you have a good day! Take care and God bless.
Oh btw,...do you have any messenger services on your puter? Like MSN or Yahoo?