I went back and read your post again. I too was abused as a child. My father abused me sexually : ( It was strange because he never "abused me physically" but used me to wipe up his other needs. I am now 44 and have had to work so hard though my life to come to terms with what happened to me. It has such a profound effect on ones life. My siblings were not abused that same way. I have had a lot of pain accepting what happened. I developed OCD symptoms then too--to have an outletfor the anxiety. I have studied about how any type of stress, abuse and how it damages the brain(oranically as well). I had trouble with mathematics and just spatial stuff. I found that there are many studies that show the actual damage to the frontal cortex when kids are exposed to too much--- stress hormones overload their brain. it's sad...but I have finally came to terms that "IT IS NOT MY FAULT!"
we internalize it as our own shame, our own sin. Once I began to "seperate myself from my abuse" I learned to see myself differently..........of course this is just the first part of the healing proccess. I personally believe that NOTHING can take it away completely. I know God can help us heal through others........
I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you have learned to not blame yourself, etc
My OCD is not obvious to others. I managed to get a college degree at the age of 42. I have managed to grow in many areas, but I'm still behind..
"God's love is shown daily when friends lend a shoulder--an ear; and then the healing begins"