I felt like I should share my list here, partly because I'm bored and partly because I'm not sure if it sounds okay or if maybe you thought I should make it shorter so she doesn't have to read so much? I guess I'm just nervous..
- Ongoing depression, greater than several months
- Feelings of hopelessness/worthlessness, very homesick, anonymous anxiety that I’m doing everything wrong and forgetting important things.
- Completely unmotivated, no desire to perform at work or home
- Severe anxiety relating to social situations, for example, being around other people outside of a work environment, going places alone (I feel like people see me and think I’m a loser for walking around by myself), approaching a sales person for assistance, to name a few.
Also, I haven’t made a single friend since I moved here a year ago because I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them or that they won’t want to talk to me because I’m boring and they won’t like me anyway so I am afraid to even attempt to start a conversation, not that I’d know where to begin. It makes me feel incomplete or like there’s something wrong with me because everyone should have a friend (aside from their significant other)
- Constant thoughts of “worst case scenarios” for everyday things, such as being afraid to go outside at night because there could be someone hiding around the corner waiting to jump out at me.
- Completely irrational jealousy problems where I know there’s nothing to worry about and I know I can trust my boyfriend but I can’t stop thinking “what if?” or “she’s more outgoing and interesting then me, he’s going to realize that it’s more fun to be with her and he’ll leave me for her” which upsets him and causes fights a lot.
- Crying for no reason or over little stupid things; very irritable.
- Insecurity over body image and especially because of weight gain from prednisone; I realize that I’m not overweight but when I look in the mirror that’s all I see and I feel bad for giving in to the prednisone cravings or eating at all. I guess I feel my boyfriend won’t be as attracted to me anymore if I gain weight, though he’s never made an indication of such feelings.
- Reverting to self-harming behavior; mostly just having a strong desire to do so but refraining because I don’t want anyone to see it and look down on me for it.
- Feeling like I am and will continue to be an emotional and financial burden on everyone in my life due to my health conditions and insecurity and this adds to guilt and depression.
That's what I've got so far...
Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia from long term prednisone use
Currently taking 10mg of prednisone (down from 40! Bleeding has returned but I'm sticking it out... I want off!!)
Waiting to start back on Azathioprine...