Yep. I've been where you're at...where it's no longer enough to "press on" and do everything you can to ignore the panic. When I realized I was at that point I went for meds.
For quite a while after that I was panic attack free, literally. I didn't have one for weeks and weeks and weeks. I was almost to the point of forgetting about
the panic all together, and then suddenly a lot of crazy things happened in my life that brought it back into the fold. I'm still doing well. The attacks aren't as bad and I have more perspective on how to handle them.
I'm just going to come out and say this...once panic gets to a certain point meds are necessary to blunt them. Only then can you get to work on yourself and rebuild your life they way you want it. The pills simply cannot solve everything. Nothing can. You have this and it's probably not going away. However, you can get a LOT better and lead a very normal life.
As for me, I'm still pretty close to the beginning of the recovery thing, but I've made some really nice improvements. There have been setbacks, sure, and yeah I still fear that one day I'll be as bad as I was, but I realize that those thoughts are irrational and it's unlikely that things will fall apart again. I've seen the light, so to speak. I've been full circle and I know a lot more about
what's going on, so when things get nutty I know what to do now.
Good luck to you.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorderanxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/