Please don't take this the wrong way, but the little things you say...you seem very negative and hard on yourself. Whether it's followed by an "lol" or whatever doesn't matter. Just because you have OCD doesn't mean you're stupid or anything, okay? I'm willing to bet you're a bright guy and probably have a lot of great qualities. Have you ever gone to talk therapy? Normally I don't suggest that to people but it seems you have a bit of a self-esteem problem.
Your brain doesn't suck. It's just different.
You didn't freak out after my last post. I made a joke and you just responded as if I were serious. No big deal at all. It was cogent and well-mannered...not a "freak out".
You don't need people to tell you how dumb you're being. You know very well what's causing these thoughts and that's why you're here. But, with all due respect, I think you're approaching it the wrong way.
You're not alone, and I doubt your selfish.
I know it's hard, but you're awfully negative. Do try to change that. OCD/Anxiety/Panic...these are difficult to manage in and of themselves...don't make it harder than it already is. "Be kind to yourself." I know that must sound like some new-age neo-hippy drivel, but believe me, I'm not the type. I've just learned through the years that guilt, self-loathing, etc., are very destructive behaviors.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorderanxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/