hunniebee- Thanks for the blessings and advice. I had never thought to try and get on disability, mostly because I never thought I'd get it because I'm so young and beyond me not eating, there isn't anything physically wrong with me (that I know of!). Besides, it's a topic I know very little about, and I heard it takes almost a year or so before it starts working. I'm probably off base though, just going off rumors.
stkitt- It's an outdoors type job, not exactly construction but kind of. I know that doesn't make any sense at all. It's working for the city, so I'd be mowing grass, cleaning up streets, things like that. Not heavy lifting the whole shift but still hard work. I normally would take that kind of job if I wasn't sick. I understand what you're saying about the high protein, high calorie diet but I kind of tried that already. Actually, I tried to have a slim-fast shake when my problems first started and it killed my stomach to no end. I'm not sure if it's milk, or maybe it's just in my head, but I've been staying away from milk products since that shake. I may try again now that I'm a little more stable, any other suggestions would be great!
debaser- You're right about making nourishment my #1 priority. For a moment I thought about just getting a simple job, like a fast food place, just to test out my idea of distracting myself. That way if it works, great, and if not I can just quit...not like those places aren't used to seeing people quit within 1-2 days. Don't get me wrong, I WANT to eat badly! But there's a mental block of anxiety about having something on my stomach, waiting for it to digest and running through my body...it sounds so silly but for some reason I can't get over it. I was nibbling on ice cream from time to time, but like I said above after one milkshake I stopped touching milk products. And I've never had a problem with them before so I'm certainly not lactose-intolerant. It just seems as if I'm only comfortable with liquids right now. I get this feeling on my stomach that's hard to describe, but it's almost like my stomach is full of a soapy water, which I know doesn't make ANY sense but it's the best way I can describe it. I've also got pressure on the right side of my abdomen, almost like someone is grabbing and squeezing my side really hard. I just can't find that one 'breakthrough' product to eat that will give me the courage to try more. And by now I'm certain my GI tract has little to no digestive acid, and my metabolism has slowed so much that I don't want to go into shock trying the wrong thing. Anywho, to answer your question(finally!): I saw my doctor last week, but that was about me not taking my klonopin. He suggested I break the 1mg tabs in half and take them but I still haven't since I honestly haven't had a real panic attack in awhile. I've got to go see my counselor on monday and hopefully she'll be able to help me out some more.