Welcome to Healing Well! So good to have you with us!
I have found so much support, validation and encouragement here, and hope you will too!
I agree with Debaser that you certainly sound like you have depression and anxiety is depression's sister. I am truly amazed at the strength you have shown this long but now it is time to seek help.
First of all Your story is similar to mine, but I had the "stepmother" who raised me from age 4 and my core beliefs were very much the same s yours.
It has taken therapy for me to let go of those beliefs and accept that I am a good person, I have rights, I can speak out and not pretend that I am ok. Most of all I do not have to cure the world and raise my hand for every request that comes my way. I have learned to say no to keep from over extending myself.
You are a good person that had a sad childhood and through therapy you can work through those feelings and learn to let go and love yourself.
I also take meds, tried many and I think the one I am on now is ok. Meds are not a miracle, but they help if you can find the right one.
Please do not turn to alcohol as that just adds to your problems.
My opinion is to see your physician and tell him what your have shared with us. Tell him/her that you need help and you need it now.
WE understand what you are going through.