Hello guys! I am new to this board. I have been lurking a bit just to see what is going on. Everyone seems pertty friendly around here, and that is pretty comforting!
I have A LOT going on. Let me introduce myself. My name is Tammy. I am a 26 year old female. Around 8 years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, and I was prescribed Xanax. I only used it once in a while, because I am not super big on taking pills. I did fine though, within a short amount of time, life went back to normal, and I lived the past 8 years with extremeley minimal panic or anxiety attacks. And, if in the rare case that I did have one, I could normally shoo it away pretty well.
In the past months, I am losing myself. A lot is going on in my life, indeed. I quit smoking around 2 months ago, which was huge, I smoked for 10 years. My mother has been in and out of the hospital fighting for her life since September. That has been tough on everyone. There has been some issues going on in my family, like feuds I guess you could say...that is how my family works. Anyway, the point is, yes, there are stresses in my life, that is FOR SURE.
So, in the past 2 months, I have been feeling TERRIBLE! Now, I lost my job around a month ago, because my anxiety has been so bad, I have become somewhat, or very, agoraphobic. I can't leave my house, and if I do, it has to be a very short distance, and even then it's a struggle. I haven't been able to visit my Mom in the hospital, because I can't leave...and that has started a lot of the fights going on, actually. I simply can't leave. The most I can do is go outside for alittle while, but that is generally short lived, and then I must come back in. With losing my job, the finances aren't good around here, and that is stressing me out too.
Anyway, I can't go to a doctor, becasue I don't have insurance. I am trying to get insurance through the county, but that is taking forever, and it requires me to meet them at their office, which I simply CANNOT do. I am feeling scared. I have sat here and diagnosed myself with every illness in the world from heart issues, to cancers, and more.
This may be my health, I can't get to a doctor to find out. Here are some of my issues...
Chest discomfort, pretty regularly for 2 months now. At first I thought it was tension from quitting smoking, but I quit 2 months ago, shouldn't that have gone away by now? Not hurting and not real strong either.
Shoulder tension...that is where I am getting the heart issues and cancer ideas from. Feels kinda like my arm was hurt and is now bruised or something, but I didn't do anything to it to make it hurt.
Rib tension. Sometimes worse when I push on it. This isn't a huge issue, it is more annoying than anything.
Sometimes rapid heart beat...generally in the middle of a panic attack, for sure.
Sometimes palpalations. Those are random and never last too long.
As I said, I constantly wonder what I am dying from. What disease can I discover today. It isn't fun, but my mind makes me do it.
I have panic attacks up to 10 times a day sometimes.
I KNOW I need to get to a doctor. That is common sense, believe me, I know I need to. Then I wonder, say I do get this insurance thing figured out, how do I get to the doctor? I am afraid to elave anyway, and I am afraid to visit him. I am sure he is going to tell me that at 26 years old, I have some terrible illness that will never go away, and taht I will die. That my 7 year old son will grow up without me.
Sometimes if my boyfriend rubs my back, I don't feel so tense. The aches and pains go away. I have started taking a lot of pain meds, like tylenol and motrin, but I know I shouldn't get stuck on taking those all the time. I know it isn't good. Maybe it's in my head, but when I take them, I feel better. That is probably in my head, huh?
I know no one here is a doctor...but does anyone know what the heck is going on with me? Could this all be coming from my anxiety again, or is my terrible thinking right, that I am sick? I knwo without an exam no one can say for sure. I guess I am looking to see what others think. I dont' know. I feel like I am going crazy. After reading this post, I am like "hey girl, you have issues." I know I have issues. I feel them everyday.
This is sad, and hard, and exhausting. AHHHH.
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I know it is long, and I apologize for that. I look forward to seeing what anyone has to say!!!
Oh, and other things that make me nervous, and can flare a panic attack...
Sitting down to eat dinner.
Taking a shower.
Being home alone.
I am losing all my friends and family because of this. Please, someone, help me, at least a little here. I want my life back!!!