So we have all had crazy thoughts. And I'm also sure that all of us think we are the worst or that ours are so weird or far out that you are embarassed or scared to even talk about them. With this topic you will be able to see that you are not alone.
I am afraid to even start, because I'm scared I'll be alone in some things I think or experience but I think someone should break the ice for the benefit of the whole group. Please keep in mind that I don't want these thoughts and that they keep coming back automatically just because I am scared of them.
I have had sarcastic thoughts in reply to things people say. Or a negative thought about someone in the room. Or a sick or perverted thought for example if someone on TV says "You want more sauce?" And I think of it in a perverted way. Sometimes I hear something on the TV and I think about how it relates to me. I read things about schizos because it's my biggest fear and what I read starts happening to me and then I think how I am really going crazy for sure. When I feel normal I think that maybe I will not notice if I do something crazy if I'm not paying attention to every thought I have. My mind tells me everyone is looking at me or that someone is talking about me, even though I know they are not. Sometimes my dreams are really scary or have a bad message. Sometimes I focus a lot on the sounds in my house and I get scared when theres a noise or a sound because I think I'm hallucinating. Sometimes when I'm reading I assume the next word before actually reading it. I don't like seeing violent images or talk, or hearing of people going crazy because it makes me feel bad and reminds me of the bad thoughts I had. Sometimes I feel like I want to get rid of things such as pictures or objects associated with a memory I don't like. Sometimes every move and thought I make causes me to panic. At one point even feeling cold water or any type of change would cause me to feel anxiety. Sometimes my thoughts run so wild I think over and over about reality or about why people go crazy. I think if I crazy before, that with all these anxiety problems I'm probably causing it to happen as we speak. Sometimes random thoughts that don't even make sense come up. I look for reassurance and then I will feel ok, then I'll think of something that starts the worry cycle again, usually something always happens to ruin it when I'm feeling normal. I think about my past and how I wish so bad I could have changed some things like drug use. Sick thoughts come to mind. Random thoughts come to mind about things I see or hear. A lot of times I have to tell myself how something is not real or not true or how I don't believe that or how those thoughts are not me. Also I think about how this experience has changed my life for the better, I appreciate life now, I want to love and life a full life. I want to be healthy and sane, drug-free, and peaceful and always be positive and if I could just fix these bad thoughts and feelings I would be a much greater person than I ever was.
How about you?