For everyone the side effects are different, and because i was on the medication before i think its "sparking" up some old receptors and maybe shocking them a bit more than maybe a first time user ( cause i dont remember these side effects before). I'll get into my side effects in a sec, but something you said is wonderful, even though you don't know it. "Well I sure hope i can control it and not let it control me". Brandy, know that panic NEVER controls you, you are always in control. Its accepting the panic that will allow you to be in control. Meaning, if you can tell yourself when you are having panic that its OK to have it, then it will subside. If you give into it, it will go away. It's one of the hardest things to do, and I'm struggling with it, but i was able to do it just on monday night. I just let it happen! When i gave into the panic, saying to myself " I'm having a panic attack and all the feelings i have are ok. I'm safe and the feelings i'm experiencing are normal, and "panic" please come and stay away" -- it subsided. Its really an awesome feeling. A quote from the book is " With the onset of intense anxiety or panic, or first reaction is to try and stay in control. It will help if we practice letting go; the less we attempt to stay in control, the more control we will feel"....
So yeah, my first reaction is the same " how can i control it", by letting go you essentially are.
Ok, so my side effects. I wrote these down the second day. Its long, but some really are just extensions of others (like lack of motivation and fatigue -- them seem to play of each other). But here is my list. And BTW alot have already subsided, i will put a * next to the ones that are still present:
* Lack of concentration ( most likely the ativan)
* Fatigue but anxious
* A bit removed ( the have a term for this, i just cant think of it right now, but it a little surreal)
* Loss of Appetite
* Feeling drugged out. ( meaning i feel like i can taste the drug, i feel medicated -- not in a "high" kind of way)
zombie like, on autopilot
Almost a feeling of a lack of oxygen or slowing of blood flow.
You will feel normal again, but know and except that this can come back ( it may not) and if it does brandy its OK.
And everyday you feel better is a great day! Dont be discouraged if you have a bad day in the mean time. Set you expectations low and you will really be proud of yourself. If you try and beat this really fast, and dont, you might think you failed ( i kept thinking that). But you never fail at this stuff!
I hope that was helpful! It helps me to write about it :)