I am sorry your feeling this way. I believe that you are exhibiting signs of anticipatory anxiety.
This natural, instinctual response to threat works against you. When you stay on guard as you approach events, you increase your tension and become more vulnerable to a panic attack. When you warn yourself to stay on guard in the midst of panic, you secrete even greater amounts of adrenaline into your bloodstream, causing more intense symptoms. You can't remain anxiously on guard and simultaneously learn to control panic.
Try to stay in the moment and not worry about the future or the what ifs. I know that your feelings are very real and it takes a lot of hard work and practice to let go of the "worrying". I bleieve in you and you have my support and understanding.
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”