I am so sorry you are in this place right now, but I truly believe you need to talk to your therapist or see one soon so you can work through these feelings. This question is very serious and needs to be resolved for your sake.
You need a professional to help you with this. I cannot answer the question. You wrote "i fear of going crazy and harming my family." Does your family know you feel this way?
Gentle Hugs and please post and tell me you have talked with someone who will help you or present to an ER if your feeling strongly about this.
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”