Hi all, it's been a while since i posted....for the same reason as always, I've been busy/anxiety has been low things have been pretty good so far. If anyone recalls i'm 19 I've had GAD for my entire life. Coming to college was a huge shock, I failed my first semester before i picked out my classes, and dropped out halfway thru the semester. Determined not to go back i had a tearful argument with my parents witch resulted in my staying in school in exchange for them paying for me to see a psychologist. They followed thru with this, i saw the very inconvenenly located Dr. about 8 times before classes started for the next semester, surprisingly when classes started again i had no time to see her anymore (working and going to school, no time for a two hour bus across town) I did end up taking this class called college sucess, witch i, ironicly failed, but it helped me a lot in life and gave me a great deal of coping mechanisms. I did get an A in my Drama class, and a BC in art, i did not do so well in speech. When the summer started my parents informed me that if i wanted to see a Dr. we would have to find a new one b/c we changed insurence and the copay was to high...frustrated i decided against starting the serch all over, i took up full time hours at my job and after some time, got myself into a clinical trial for seroutinin (sp?) unfrountetly it doesn't seem to be working for me (or i'm on plausbo)
Work...witch had been another story all along, seemed to be getting to be a dependable part of my life, that is until last week. As you may know i have major self esteem issues and have in the past had a hard time with my job. I always try to do my best at work but sometimes fall behind other employees. As i have reached the one year mark of working at my job i began to feel less, as all of my peers had been promoted and i had not, this probably led to my becoming slightly more careless in my everyday. A few days ago i was taken aside by my boss (like all the way outside and in back) and explained that i would not be promoted, and that it was likely, unless i make some major changes, that i would not have a job at all in the near future. I agree with a lot of the things that i was told, but I also belive the deliverer of the message to be somewhat of a hot head, and in general she is not the nicest person. I was full out crying when she was done, and all i could tell her was "i always knew i sucked at this, but then again i think i suck at everything, thanks for setting the record straight" after that i went home, cried my tears, and decided that it was time indeed (as had been suggested in said conversation) to begin looking for a new job.
This job has been good to me over the past year, but i am ready for a change. I never really liked the job itself but enjoyed greatly the company of my co-workers and the interesting campus location, but i am ready to move on, perhaps even to work somewhere off campus where i can be more independent and get more regular hours. Almost no one from the original crew is around anymore, i'm not happy. But then again there is the anxiety of getting a new job, who will hire me with no references (I'm not using the mean lady who told me to quit) i don't know i guess i need to get my phone fixed first and then i can worry about stuff like that. I was going to do so much today, but the last few days i've hardly left the house,just too much to think about out there. As alway even just typing this message makes me feel a lot better and relize some things in reveiw that i should have seen all along. Thank you for just being out there, and especheily thank you if you made it thru this autobiographical mess. PEACE