Want to "live" again - want my life back!!!!

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 708
   Posted 8/26/2007 1:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone.  I am new to this forum.  I am usually on the lupus side of this.  I have been suffering from anxiety for several years off and on.  This summer has been a roller coaster of doctors appointments and new diagnosis of a liver disease.  I have been on multiple antidepressants over the years and cannot take them due to they all seem to cause heart problem (for which I have wound up in the ER).  My PCP tried Cymbalta this past week and again I called her after taking just two and she said to stop immediately.  I have been tested for everything in the book as far as a "physical" cause for all my symptoms and nothing found.  I have racing heart, shakiness, fatigue (to the point where sometimes just taking a shower seems like too much), weakness, sweaty palms. 
My life as I used to know it has come to a screeching halt and I am just "existing" and not "living".  I have withdrawn from family and so much that I used to enjoy doing.  Just concentrating on reading a book is hard.  I just seem to be in this everlasting anxiety mode.  I try to keep up with just the daily chores of living and am exhausted from just that.  I am tired of living like this and want the old me back again.  I'm trying to eat healthier.
I'm looking for any ideas or suggestions on how others have dealt with their anxiety without medications since I can't take antidepressants.  I have been on Xanas PRN for almost a year now and have now started taking it twice a day.  Could this be the cause of the racing heart?  It used to work to "calm me down" but sometimes just doesn't seem to work any more or is it just that my anxiety is getting worse?
I'm in the "why me" mode as far as my physical illness is concerned and angry that I got stuck with it.  I look at the rest of my family and they are all out enjoying life and I just can't find the energy to do it.  There is absolutely no physical explanation as to all my aches and pains and other symptoms so it has to be all in my head.  How do I get rid of it?
Any advice would be much appreciated.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/26/2007 2:04:50 PM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/26/2007 3:08 PM (GMT -6)   

Dear Ocean 1

I may have missed it but do you see a therapist? If this is all due to anxiety it may be time for CBT. The term "cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)" is a very general term for a classification of therapies with similarities.  There are several approaches to cognitive-behavioral therapy, including Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Rational Behavior Therapy, Rational Living Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, and Dialectic Behavior Therapy. These would be something to discuss with your therapist.

As far as your meds if you are in constant anxiety you sound like you need to be on a regular dosing therapy of one of the benzos, Valium is the longest lasting, A lot of members use Klonopin and there are topics alread on this page that cover Klonopin.

Please do not give up, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and many of us have been in this same dark tunnel.  Keep on moving forward and take our hands to help you through.

Gentle Hugs

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/26/2007 3:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there and welcome to this forum ....sorry for all you are going thru
I do agree with what Kitt has posted I just wanted to welcome you to our "lil family" as well ........

I have read many posts in the Lupus forum and again I am soorry for all you do go thru

I have crohns .PG..........and other illnesses .........and YES I get angry too but I am on Valium which helps with the styress when needed so does coming here and having ppl like my lil sis to talk to about things ya know .........

I hope you will give the CBT a chance it works for me and just might do good as well for you as Kitt said

Take care and plz keep coming back

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 8/27/2007 2:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe benzodiazepines and maybe even SSRIs are contraindicated when liver disease is present. It may depend on the type of liver disease, of course. I'd check with your doctor about this. I would agree that CBT may be a good option for you.

Lupus...for a while they thought my mom had that. It's apparently very tricky to diagnose. I know I'd have anxiety if I were dealing with that (I had anxiety when I thought my mom had it), and I hope the best for you.

Since you're having all these different problems, have you considered going to a good teaching hospital? A place like the Cleveland Clinic, Scott & White, Johns Hopkins, ect? From what I can tell, they can treat all of your problems under one roof and the doctors are VERY good about keeping in touch with one another. When I went to Scott & White I was VERY impressed with the care I received. The doctors there were also researchers and academics, so they're aware of the best possible treatments. Combine that with the fact that the institutional structure is different (better communication between departments), and there's some pretty compelling reasons to go to one.

Again, I'm sorry you're going through all of this and I wish you the best.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/28/2007 8:31 PM (GMT -6)   

Just wanted you to know that i feel the same way as you.  Everyone seems to be happy go lucky and I can't even plan a day to go out with friends....or pick my daughter up from school.

I was FINE (although I had mild anxiety throughout my life that didnt' stop me doing anything) until I caught a virus while waiting to get a flu shot in a church with 300 people.  3 days after the flu shot....I could barely lift my arms....my daughter (age 12 at the time) got the virus 10 days after I did...she did NOT have the flu shot.

My fatigue, muscle aches, feeling horrible, etc. was unbareable.  The docs just said we had a virus and it would get better in a couple of weeks.  It did not.  It set up a chain of events that has not ended.... 2 years later.  It is just accepted now.  My daughter had to be schooled at home.  She was so tired she could barely make it through the day.  Her tests were negative except for a positive ANA and high sed rate...as I had.  WE clearly were battling something.  We were diagnosed with fibromyalgia, polymyalgia, lupus, mono (for my daughter) CFS and I have connective tissue disease...and I had MVP (mitral valve prolapse) for 30 years.  From there I started getting severe panic attacks.  I used to drive all over the state of Florida.  NOW,  I could barely drive across the street to the market without anxiety, fear, dread, etc. 

2 years now.  My daughter is better, but has Fibromyalgia, is in school and works part-time.  She is constantly tired....but keeps pushing.  They say that if you have fibro as a teen....you can usually get rid of it as an adult.

I am still going through flare-ups....that are dibilitating.  I was taken to the ER so many times in the past 2 years because I felt like I was going to die.  These past 6 months, I have learned to live with this feeling and when it happens, I take deep breaths and  try to relax.  I still have pain, and my muscles sometimes give out on me.  I can't work.  I never know when I will have a flare-up.  I too look at my friends and family and want to travel, work, go out and laugh.  It is a struggle everyday.

You are not alone.  After doing so much research, many have correlated a gene that predisposes many to these diseases as well as panic attacks.  Most Docs BLAME us and tell us to seek therapy.  It is not our fault and I always feel like shrinking whenever my PCP looks at me like I am crazy....so I just go to him for colds etc.  I have a web site that explains so much...if anyone is interested...please contact me.   I am here......Tova


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