It's me again...

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 8/28/2007 7:59 AM (GMT -6)   
sad  I am going to be posting a lot I see.  This is not my dentist appointment update...this is the story of taking my son to school.  As you all know, I have no more Xanax...thanks to my Dr.  My parents are going to give me some to get me through my dental appointment today, but I am not taking that til later.  Normally, I take a Xanax right when I get up, and I feel pretty good all day.  Today, I didn't have that Xanax, so I felt edgy, but my son still had to get to school.  Well, he asked me to come in and meet his teacher.  I agreed to do that.  He was nervous, and excited all at the same time.  So, we got to school, and they weren't letting people into the classes yet.  So, we had to stand there.  Well, after about 5 minutes of standing there, I went into a panic attack... skull ...I had to leave.  I asked him if I could meet his teacher another day.  He said yes, but I could see the dissapointment in his face.  He wanted me to be there with him, and I COULDN"T DO IT.  I feel like a bad mother, I feel very sad right now, and I am angry.  I am angry that this stupid disorder robs me of so much.  I am angry that my Dr. doesn't seem to understand what a difference .25 mg of Xanax makes on my life.  I am not like trying to take it 3 or 4 times a day.  I am not asking for least I don't think so. 
It sucks to depend on the drugs, but honestly, if I had that Xanax, I could have been there for my son today.  Instead, I had to run out of the school, in a panic, abandoning my poor son, and drive home, in a nervous wreck. 
Well, I decided to skip my nap, because I am too anxious to even think of sleeping, and I am going to start calling psychiatrists soon here.  I gotta get into one ASAP. Maybe one of them will give up some Xanax, or something similar.  I need it for right now.  I don't want it forever, but for right now, it is what I need to help me.  Once I can start getting some therapy, maybe I can start to pull away from the little bit of Xanax I need to get through now, ya know?
UGH...this is not starting out to be such a hot day.  sad    I hope my son has a good first day, eventhough I neglected him. 
Dealing with panic and anxiety for 8 years off and on...right now more on than off.  Major health anxiety as well!
New found issues with agoraphobia...working on that too.
I am NOT weak, I am just down right now.  I am doing what it takes to get my life back!!!
Best Wishes to all...Tammy

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/28/2007 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning Tammy,

I am sorry you had a bad start to your day. I hope you can get an appointment with a Pdoc soon, meantime I think you should set yourself up with a therapist. You can usually get an appointment with a therapist easier than the Pdoc.

I feel the sooner you can get started on working on the therapy piece the better off you will be. 

I know you feel bad about your son, but that does not make you a bad Mother so just talk to your son tonight and make sure he knows you love him.

Take care and ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))


Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 8/28/2007 9:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Don't feel that you are a bad Mum at all. My son starts school in 2 and a bit weeks and about 4 weeks ago he had a parents evening for us to go and meet the teachers etc, and i had an attack when I sat down, and kept saying to my sister that I had to leave, I got into a bit of  a state and eventually by writing down everything that the headmaster said I managed to get over it and stay for the duration but I empathise with your situation very well. I know exactly how you felt because I thought I was a bad Mum for wanting to leave too, but if you had stayed and felt worse what good would a poorly Mum be?
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