I know this sounds trite but I really feel therapy would be good for you. There are places that will help you, can you contact a local mental health department to see what might be available.
I have the info for the online free CBT program if you cannot find any other help. So please let me know if you would like it. OK?
Hang in there sweetie, there is always a way. Gentle Hugs
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”