After almost 8 years of having OCD, I am still disappointed w/ how it can affect my life. I have harming thoughts which is very upsetting to me. It seems that anywhere from 3am-5am is when my attacks hit the worse. I have lived thru hundreds, maybe thousands of attacks over the years, but yet, as one begins it is still a horrific feeling. I'm flooded by the what ifs - going crazy, hurting someone, doing or saying inappropriate things. I have a great family and I love my job. I fear of losing those things when my OCd comes on strong.
Just wondering if other OCDers out there found a pattern to the attacks. I don't understand why one day, a harming thought can come into my mind, and I can just let it pass and continue on my day. And then, that same thought comes in another time and it becomes crippling to try and deal with it.
I read a post from a new member today w/ OCD and they have fears like mine and then fearing that maybe a tree isn't a tree.
I find that I become panicky when I start overanalyzing things. Like, how does the human body work - how does it remember where I'm supposed to go each day - things like that.
I also am finding, that w/ so much tragedy in the world, I feel helpless. Animals are a big thing to me and when I see them being abused or used for fur to make clothes, I get sick inside and I can't do anything about it. Same w/ wars and crimes - I wish they didn't exist. Natural disasters - there have been a lot of caved in mines and I start to put myself in that position of being trapped and then I can't breathe. I think it is call empathizing, when you feel for others, but I get myself very worked up over it.
Many times I am fine, and I don't overanalyze those times. It seems these bad ocd times stay w/ me longer and I still find it difficult to manage.
Thanks for listening.