This time last year was the time when I finally properly addressed my problems with anxiety, which had led to me getting depressed and dropping out of university. I was put on anti-depressants, which really helped me mentally, and gradually I got to a stage where I felt strong enough to not take them anymore. I drifted for a while at the start of the year and eventually got a job in April, which really helped build my confidence up. I started to feel better and develop more self-esteem. I then met my boyfriend in June and it was the most amazing period of my life compared to the way I was last year.
Thing is, I now have no job and I'm starting to feel completely hopeless and scared again. I'm still with my boyfriend but he works elsewhere in the country during the week, so I only see him properly at the weekends. This messes with my nerves because although I trust him I get anxious that he'll get fed up with me and that when he doesn't send me a text message until late in the evening it must mean that I'm not first on his list of priorities and things like that...when I think about it logically it's ridiculous because he's tired and the whole world doesn't revolve around me...but I still find it so hard, particularly when at the very start of the relationship he seemed to have all the time in the world for me. It's like I'm actually waiting for the day when he'll say he doesn't want to be with me anymore, because I'm convinced him liking me in the first place is just some joke and that surely there must be another girl out there he would prefer to be with.
There's no work around at the moment either, so even when I try to find a job there's just nothing to apply for. I feel so useless, it's as though I haven't achieved anything since last year. I'm so fed up, I just want my brain to think normal, stable thoughts like everyone else's seem to.