Just as bad as last year....just a rant really

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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 10/2/2007 11:48 AM (GMT -6)   
This time last year was the time when I finally properly addressed my problems with anxiety, which had led to me getting depressed and dropping out of university. I was put on anti-depressants, which really helped me mentally, and gradually I got to a stage where I felt strong enough to not take them anymore. I drifted for a while at the start of the year and eventually got a job in April, which really helped build my confidence up. I started to feel better and develop more self-esteem. I then met my boyfriend in June and it was the most amazing period of my life compared to the way I was last year.
Thing is, I now have no job and I'm starting to feel completely hopeless and scared again. I'm still with my boyfriend but he works elsewhere in the country during the week, so I only see him properly at the weekends. This messes with my nerves because although I trust him I get anxious that he'll get fed up with me and that when he doesn't send me a text message until late in the evening it must mean that I'm not first on his list of priorities and things like that...when I think about it logically it's ridiculous because he's tired and the whole world doesn't revolve around me...but I still find it so hard, particularly when at the very start of the relationship he seemed to have all the time in the world for me. It's like I'm actually waiting for the day when he'll say he doesn't want to be with me anymore, because I'm convinced him liking me in the first place is just some joke and that surely there must be another girl out there he would prefer to be with.
There's no work around at the moment either, so even when I try to find a job there's just nothing to apply for. I feel so useless, it's as though I haven't achieved anything since last year. I'm so fed up, I just want my brain to think normal, stable thoughts like everyone else's seem to.

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/2/2007 12:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HW

You have basically answered all your own rant and questions hun.............
TRUST is the tantamount to any relationship
Yes he is tired and I am sure you know that he loves you and is not doing anything to hurt you ........

Maybe this wknd when he is back TALK rationally to him and explain your feelings to him...........

In the meantime stay with us and get the support you need and you can rant away ..........

Take care

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Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/2/2007 4:53 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello and Welcome to Healing Well, I am Kitt.

I agree with Lyn, and she is wise. :)

Learn to never speak badly of yourself, even in jest. Some people  will have problems with this as they  have what is called a "self-deprecating" style of humor. They  cut themselves down in order to make people like them. I know I will do this myself. Each time people  use that style of humor, they  cut themselves down in  their own  eyes and sometimes,  weaken others' view of them as well. Choose to speak well of yourself; or if you're too modest to try that, at least don't cut yourself down.

Believe in yourself -- in the power you have to control your own life, day by day.

Again a warm welcome.

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


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