Seems like everyone is leaving me...

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 10/10/2007 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Today has been horrible. All weekend my best friend was pondering the idea of being homeschooled. I told her it was her choice and to do what is vest for her. I was playing the role of supportive best friend. Honestly, along with everyone else, I think it was a stupid idea. It is not like her at all. And she doesn't have a great excuse as to why she wants to do it. I feel so horrible though because now she has left and I have no one to talk to.
She came to school today to return her books and she sat beside me in one of my classes and I could not even look at her. I could not speak to her. I felt bad for it, but I could not do it. I just cant face it. She is the only friend who knows about my a/p and depression and some other stuff so now I feel alone again. Her choice has taken a huge toll on me in the depression department. I havent spoken to anyone and I have been really sad. I cant help it though. I just want to go home and ly under my covers and sleep or something. Everyone is walking around trying to make me smile and I feel like I may never smile again. I just lost my best friend. I just cant believe she actually left. And she knows how bad this is affecting me. I wont talk to her so she is talking to my other friends who are all talking about how bad this has been for me.
I have been worried sick about her because I think may be wrong is why she wants to be homeschooled. I feel like she is hiding something and I keep trying to talk to her but she wont say anything.
I didnt think it would have this big of an affect on me, but it has been driving me down so much. I just want to explode. Its like depressing to the n-th degree. I dont know what to do. I was going to go talk with my counselor about it but she is not there right now. It is eating away at my insides though and making me feel so bad. My other friends, who I know dont suffer from depression or anything, arent as sadden by it as me. They can tell the difference in me. And they dont know that I really suffer from depression and stuff. For a person like me, losing your best friend is going to tear me up inside. And it has.
Well, I guess that is enough venting. I just needed to get it out I guess. For now, I guess I will continue to sit and stare at the wall with grief. Take care.  

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/10/2007 4:46 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm a little confused... Why does the idea of your friend being home schooled upset you? Is it that you will miss them at school?

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 10/10/2007 4:56 PM (GMT -6)   

Try not to look a it as your losing your friend. Now you'll just be seeing her at different times. Maybe after school instead, and more on the weekends.

I know this is upsetting to you but try not to be so hard on her. Maybe she is going through something herself like you said, just be supportive and give her time to open up.

Just keep reminding yourself that her being home schooled doesn't mean your losing a friend, and I'm sure she did not mean to hurt your feelings. Talk to her about it. Clear the air. I'm sure it will help.

:-)  Cheer up! :-)


28 years old

Bipolar II, Panic Disorder, OCD

Seroquel and Klonopin as needed



Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/10/2007 5:37 PM (GMT -6)   


I am sorry your feeling upset and abandoned by your friend. Let's assume she wants to be home schooled and she is probably feeling upset that you are not happy about it.  I think that would be unjust to her if you consider her your best friend. but are ignoring her for her personal choices.

I would like to see you expand your group of friends so you have others to talk to and support you.  Putting all your eggs in one basket is not always the best way to go.  So please think about talking with your friend and making times to get toghter outside of school so you may continue this friendship.

Take care and keep posting.

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


New Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/10/2007 9:18 PM (GMT -6)   
an essay by Arthur Schopenhauer, called 'The Emptiness of Existence'

...That human life must be a kind of mistake is sufficiently clear from the fact that man is a compound of needs, which are difficult to satisfy; moreover, if they are satisfied, all he is granted is a state of painlessness, in which he can only give himself up to boredom. This is a precise proof that existence in itself has no value, since boredom is merely the feeling of the emptiness of life. If, for instance, life, the longing for which constitutes our very being, had in itself any positive and real value, boredom could not exist; mere existence in itself would supply us with everything, and therefore satisfy us. But our existence would not be a joyous thing unless we were striving after something; distance and obstacles to be overcome then represent our aim as something that would satisfy us—an illusion which vanishes when our aim has been attained; or when we are engaged in something that is of a purely intellectual nature, when, in reality, we have retired from the world, so that we may observe it from the outside, like spectators at a theatre. Even sensual pleasure itself is nothing but a continual striving, which ceases directly its aim is attained. As soon as we are not engaged in one of these two ways, but thrown back on existence itself, we are convinced of the emptiness and worthlessness of it; and this it is we call boredom. That innate and ineradicable craving for what is out of the common proves how glad we are to have the natural and tedious course of things interrupted. Even the pomp and splendour of the rich in their stately castles is at bottom nothing but a futile attempt to escape the very essence of existence, misery.
found at

Post Edited (sheltercrow) : 10/10/2007 8:25:18 PM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/10/2007 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Every moment is precious. Stop what you’re doing. Stop reading and look around you. There will be signs of the cult of the ego. There will be people around you doing a job or you will have a job. Think about what you do for a living. The doctor, the road sweep, the unemployed guy. What difference do you make, to the ultimate outcome of the universe? Some you think? Really? Didn’t we just think that the doctor would give up his time to be happy? What is the point in toiling for a future that will never come? Even if tomorrow, all humans worked together to end suffering, pain and disease, death can never be overcome. The end of the universe can never be overcome. What point in propagating genes throughout the universe, when that universe will one day die. It is a fruitless endeavour. It is like a preparing for a party that will never happen. The birthday will not come. There is no endgame. No final pat on the back. No thanks a lot chum, you really, really made a difference. The people that will pat you on a back are those that are alive now. When you’re dead it doesn’t matter if you were respected, or thought you made a difference, as you won’t know anyone is patting you on the back. So you care what the people around you today think? Why? You do know one day they will all be dead? Why else might you care? Because you think you’re important? That’s it. You have bought into the cult of the ego. You think that you’re special. That in the grand scheme of the universe you played a significant part. Why are you important? One day everything you know will be destroyed. ****, “we don’t know crap”. We know it will one day all end. The first part of this tale talks about happiness in the belly of the Space Whale. Yet that is a best case scenario. An imagining of a possible distant future. In reality the death of our species will probably come much sooner. If it’s not avian bird flu, more world wars, asteroids from outer space, it’s the earth being consumed by the sun, or the final end of the universe. One day it will all be gone. That means that you’re not special really. You’re a brief flash of conscious experience. What does that mean anyway?
As that fleshy analogue computational device sitting between our ears is testament to, brains have got big. They’ve got big dealing with job number one. Survival. The fittest genes survive. Those best suited to the environment live. Those unable to cope die. That’s evolution. What is consciousness then? It is an ability to cope in an ever changing environment. Our brains reached a point where mere assimilation of sensory input analysis and behaviour grew into a sense of awareness which allowed us to do more than ever before. We could develop ideas about situations. How to get across a ravine. How to work together to kill large prey. How to fashion tools to accomplish goals. And that was it. That’s how an ape gets to become us.

found at

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/11/2007 8:14 AM (GMT -6)   
I totally agree with Kitt and others

YOU have to let her decide what she needs or wants right now her friend stand beside her and support her......try and open self up to meeting new ppl ...........

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