Today has been horrible. All weekend my best friend was pondering the idea of being homeschooled. I told her it was her choice and to do what is vest for her. I was playing the role of supportive best friend. Honestly, along with everyone else, I think it was a stupid idea. It is not like her at all. And she doesn't have a great excuse as to why she wants to do it. I feel so horrible though because now she has left and I have no one to talk to.
She came to school today to return her books and she sat beside me in one of my classes and I could not even look at her. I could not speak to her. I felt bad for it, but I could not do it. I just cant face it. She is the only friend who knows about my a/p and depression and some other stuff so now I feel alone again. Her choice has taken a huge toll on me in the depression department. I havent spoken to anyone and I have been really sad. I cant help it though. I just want to go home and ly under my covers and sleep or something. Everyone is walking around trying to make me smile and I feel like I may never smile again. I just lost my best friend. I just cant believe she actually left. And she knows how bad this is affecting me. I wont talk to her so she is talking to my other friends who are all talking about how bad this has been for me.
I have been worried sick about her because I think may be wrong is why she wants to be homeschooled. I feel like she is hiding something and I keep trying to talk to her but she wont say anything.
I didnt think it would have this big of an affect on me, but it has been driving me down so much. I just want to explode. Its like depressing to the n-th degree. I dont know what to do. I was going to go talk with my counselor about it but she is not there right now. It is eating away at my insides though and making me feel so bad. My other friends, who I know dont suffer from depression or anything, arent as sadden by it as me. They can tell the difference in me. And they dont know that I really suffer from depression and stuff. For a person like me, losing your best friend is going to tear me up inside. And it has.
Well, I guess that is enough venting. I just needed to get it out I guess. For now, I guess I will continue to sit and stare at the wall with grief. Take care.