Dan and Kitt,
Thank you both for your thoughts and advice.
Dan, yes I do think I bit off more than I could chew and a part of me wishes that I had just stayed home. But if I'm ever to get past the Agoraphobia I can't stay home and never go anywhere; I just have to learn how to do things a little differently I guess. Your suggestion of lowering my expectations is a good one and I will try to do that. That one is a bit difficult for me as I have always had very high expectations for myself (I have always tended to be a Type A personality) - not so high for my family though because they aren't me, especially the kids just for the simple fact that they are kids and kids often screw up. So my expectations for them are different. But since my hospitalization, the expectations I have for myself are very low at this point, because I am just so scared that I'm not going to get beyond the Agoraphobia and anxiety issues. I'm afraid that this is how my life is going to be from now on. I do have to say that I am kind of surprised at myself that I didn't just "freeze", as you put it, because in the recent past that's exactly what would have happened. I think the difference this time is that he was p***ing me off! So instead of being anxious and having an attack, I got mad. HMMMM....I hadn't really thought about that difference until now. Look at that, you made me see something that I hadn't put together....thank you for that!
Kitt, I honestly thought my family and I were all on the same page for this little "outing" (weird word to use, since it was only going to the store - LOL), but I don't think I really explained what I wanted to take place. Next time I will talk to them first and explain how I would like things to go. The severity of the Agoraphobia is new to all of us and I have to remember that; the kids still don't fully get it that it's extremely difficult for me to leave the house, never mind going to the store. OY! They are kids after all and they don't really know what this is all about. They are also used to Mom being able to do anything and go anywhere - so this is a HUGE difference for them.
You know, I really hadn't thought about having them check in with me to see if I'm alright - my husband does it fairly often (although he didn't this time). But I hadn't thought to have the kids do it too - great idea that I will be using for future outings.
Unfortunately, at least at this point in time, going by myself or even being in the store by myself isn't an option yet. I'm just not ready for that yet. If my husband does go to another part of the store, and I don't go with him, I have one of the kids stay with me. The thought of being there by myself just absolutely terrifies me. I sure hope I can get past that some day.
I'm not a very patient person, especially with myself - but as my wonderful father and my therapist keep telling me - patience, patience, patience. It's so annoying - LOL . They also keep telling me that baby steps is what this whole process will be along with lots of time to overcome this, to stop beating myself up, for me to acknowledge what I have done, be okay with it, and even give myself a little pat on the back for it.
The only problem I have with that is that I want this to be BIG STEPS, not baby steps.
I truely thank you both for taking the time to read my post and to give me some great suggestions for me to utilize. This is what makes being here at HW so good, the family here is just so wonderful.
(((HUGS))) to you both.
ps - my son needs to go to Wal-Mart today to get supplies for a science project (but of course he couldn't have told us the other day before we went to the store). Sorry, I digress. What I was going to say is, I'm NO GOING WITH HIM. My husband is.
Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, and Social Anxiety
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Lexapro, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
A slip of the foot you may soon recover,
but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.
Post Edited (wen4003) : 10/14/2007 10:15:48 AM (GMT-6)