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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 11/6/2007 10:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I have had anxiety and OCD my whole life. It has never totally immobilized me, but certainly been enough to affect my daily life and prevent me from fully enjoying and participating in life. Although the panic and generalized anxiety are difficult, the WORST symptom is disconnection. I was reading online about dissociation and depersonalization. I don't feel that I have it to the degree that they talk about, but it is definitely a problem. I often feel hollow, like I am going through the motions, like I am completely disconnected from my self, my heart. I often can't make decisions because I just don't know who I am enough to make them. Sometimes I am talking.... and praying that the right words come out because I feel so out of control of what I am saying. I feel totally separate from friends and family, and especially myself. Like I am wasting precious time not fully enjoying the moment. Missing out on LIVING life.
Does anyone feel this? I have tried different medications like Lexapro, Zoloft and I end up feeling even more numb. Klonopin helps the anxiety and sometimes the disconnection, but I hate being reliant on medications.
Am I nuts? This sucks.
I am going through the most stressful time in my life right now with work, and personal situations, and the disconnection, OCD and anxiety are at their worst.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 11/6/2007 10:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I know all to well how you feel.  BUT, what I will say, is when I was going to a therapist years ago, disconnection is on of the body's ways of dealing w/ stress.  It sucks for us, cause w/ the ocd you tend to interpret that feeling as crazy (and why wouldn't you, it feels different and out of the norm).
I'm not always stronger than my OCD, as it still gets the better of me, but what I have learned is those of us w/ OCD are very aware of our bodies so any differences or strange feelings tend to get categorized as wrong and / or crazy.
What I did for a while, was I kept a reminder card that listed the symptoms of panic and used reassuring lines from books I had read.  I had trouble sitting in meetings at work behind closed doors.  I kept that in my planner (for no one else to see of course) and would read it before my meetings and would peek at it during if need be.
I wish we could push an off button to ocd, but we can't.  Panic and anxiety aren't easy, but I have harming thoughts for my ocd and I think it is the worst thing to live with.  I am so ashamed of my thoughts and I feel that if people knew what I was thinking, I would be alienated from everyone and everything I love and know.  At least panic is something many people feel, even if they don't have a problem w/ it.  But w/ OCD, the thoughts are like a horror movie and the feelings of going crazy are just awful to deal with.
Please feel free to write to me if you want to share any other stories.  I have been thru this for 8 years now and it's never easy dealing with, what I call, the "ocd zone".  I've never been on meds, but did go to therapy for several years.  I worked on cognitive behavior therapy and did a lot of online research and read many books.
Best wishes to you,


Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/6/2007 10:50 PM (GMT -6)   

Dear Emmie

Welcome to Healing Well. I am Kitt.  I am just dropping in to welcome you and I will respond to your post later.

You will meet many good people here in the A & P forum.  Again a warm welcome to you.


Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 11/6/2007 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitt, thank you for your welcome letter, and Laurie, thank you for sharing your story and taking the time to write such a personal and thoughtful response. I feel better even sitting at my computer writing it all out. Especially to people who feel as I do.
Hope to talk soon.
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