I just want to let you know that I'm sorry you're going through this, and i know that it is a VERY stressful time. While they anxiety and relationship stuff, and the idea of being overly committed is eating you up, i have a story to tell they may help a little. My close friend (who's a woman) was in a very similar situation. She went through with purchasing a house and after about a year her relationship fell apart. So, what they did? They rented out the house to cover the mortgage (they were lucky, cause they stayed friends) and after about 5 years they sold they house and split the money. I asked her "what would you have done if you guys weren't friends? Thats a lofty investment you both were involved with." She said " No big deal, we woulda just sold the place then". So it's a different perspective, coming from someone with out an anxious mind. At the end of the day, no matter how hard it feels, you are never trapped, obligated, or incapable of changing the situation. Never. It's your life, and you are in complete control. You know, if all this stuff is really stressing you out and now you are questioning the relationship, maybe it would be good to talk to your boyfriend and just tell him that something doesnt feel right. Back out of the deal. You're never trapped, and if you lose a little bit of money in order to feel more comfortable, i think its worth it. I think you BF will understand, and who knows -- he might feel the same.
It sounds like this house purchase has been riddle with some many obstacles, it would be hard NOT to question the relationship and what not. Maybe its a good sign to take it back a step. Work on one thing at a time. Maybe dropping this place will allow you to regain certain feeling that maybe masked by your anxiety? Maybe it will just help with your piece of mind, and you wont feel that over commitment. Maybe you're just not up for that yet...
I dunno, I personally have never experience this particular cycle, but it does feel like the house stress is taking over and maybe causing you to question everything.
Be good to yourself right now, you're going through a tough time and you need to be kind to yourself. Remember that no matter what happens, you will be ok! You are always in control of your life. And while you are dealing with this, dont forget the simple things like eating well, sleeping, and exercising, if you can. A lot of times that will help release some of that built up tension.
Please keep us posted.
Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Depression.
"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
- Pema Chodron