This is Kitt. I can only guess but from your history I feel you should have had some kind of counseling. You obviously have serious issues and I believe the best thing for you to do is, please, see your physician and get a psychiatrist to work with you.
You have so much history of abuse which alone makes be suspect you have huge issues with post traumatic stress as well as poor self esteem issues. I am not a professional and can not guess at what a physician would say but I can deduct from your post you need someone to advocate just for you.
We have many forums here that you may benefit from but I think you need to find out just what mental health disorder you may be dealing with. This is the Anxiety Forum and we are more than glad to help you with your anxiety and panic issues. :)
I welcome you to Healing Well and you will find many people that know where your coming from and what your going through.
Healing Well is a online forum with scheduled chats. Online forums can be a great resource to help you manage your mental disorder and to help you with your recovery. We can provide you with a great opportunity to meet with other people who are suffering from the same conditions and talk about your problems in a safe, anonymous environment.
There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of Healing Well and still being able to be anonymous.
Please know we care. Keep posting.
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~