No I dont see a therapist. Or use CBT. I would like to though. Anything that helps.
You see the problem is my mom doesnt really understand the things I tell her. And last time I tried telling her I was depressed, she flipped out. So, its really hard for me to talk to her and explain everything.
Its was weird though. I wanted to go to school. As much as I hate it, I actually like it also. I guess it gives me something to do. Today wasnt even going to be hard. I tried talking to myself, like saying how much I want to go, telling myself it will be ok. Nothing scary or anything happens at school. It just feels like a subconscious thing. I am not actually worried about school, but its like I am 2 people and the other person is and I feel it.
I went to sleep after I posted this, woke up at 10 and went to school at 10:30. I checked in because I can't miss Chemistry or Pre-Cal. My first 2 classes aren't all that important. I still felt really bad after I went. I was feeling dizzy. My head felt really weird, like I was going to get sick. I haven't had much of an appetite lately either. It got a little better toward the end. But, even right now I can feel it. Probably because I know I have to get up and do it again tomorrow.
Also, for those from the Fibro forum, I have talking to my mom about going back to the doctor. I think that if I do have it, all this depression and anxiety stuff is just part of it. BUT, if I can get to the doctor for the Fibro, I can tell them about the other stuff and get help for it also. She has seen the commercials for it a 100 times, yet I still have to feel as if I am dying everyday because she hasn't yet asked about it.
I just hope school goes better tomorrow. Its hard to explain to people when they ask why I wasnt there. I just say I was sick. And they say 'with what.' Ummm....change of subject please!
I just want some treatment. I want to be better. I want to quit hiding it. I want people to know so I dont have to explain myself all the time. My teachers should know as well. I shouldnt have to worry about whether or not they will allow me to go to the restroom or something if I am feeling bad. Believe it or not, some teachers have policies against going to the restroom!! We have 5 minutes inbetween classes, I go to the restroom every chance I get! Every 5 minutes if I could, plus going to my locker and traveling to my classes in 5 minutes without being late is impossible! So, I am really hoping I can get to the doctor soon!
Sorry this is so long.