I think you're right, Serafena.
I've often wondered about
the future when I get like this and some of the questions I put to myself are: "How am I going to hold down a marriage if I can't even take care of myself properly yet?", "How will I be able to handle the ups and downs of a job if I can't deal with substantial change without getting into this state?"
I really think I may have to go back on medication, much as I don't want to.
At the moment the only things that relax me when I feel like this are my family and my friends, and they obviously can't be there to hold my hand all the time. Even when my father brought me back down to my apartment last night after taking me up to the old home to spend time with him and my mother, I felt guilty and like I was relying on both of them for something I should be able to handle on my own.