It sounds like you've had a ton going on and I totally understand the anxiety that major change brings, even if you don't feel it until well after the fact.
Stick with the meds. The best advice I've recieved is that people with anxiety and depression issues have "abnormal" brain chemistry and that the meds allow us to function with "normal" brain chemistry. Scientifically, I don't know if this is necessarily true or not, but I've found alot of comfort in it because hey, it's obvious that I am a much happier person when my meds are working effiectivly. I'd rather think that that peace of mind comes with the "normalization" of my brain chemistry.
Challenge yourself everyday. Put yourself in a postiontion that might bring on panic even if just for a minute. Let the feelings have their way with you and then step away from the situation and realize that you are indeed still safe and sound. I've had to do this everyday for the last two months almost. It started with merely leaving the house by myself and progressed very slowly into more challenging feats. I had some minor attacks and tons of aanxiety and apprehension about
the next big one. Even when a big one came, I knew that I was safe (benzo and paperbag easily accessable
. Right now, I'm fucntioning almsot as well as I was before this most recent episode started back in October, but it's been a process and a daily challenge.
Also, if you can find a therapist that you are comfortable opeinging up to, that is very helpful is well.
Good luck and I hope that you've been able to find some comfort in reading some of these posts as I have.