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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 12/16/2007 7:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Right before anyone assumes I'm just some stupid kid, I am 16 and I do have ALOT of jumbled feelings.

Well, a few months ago I had a break-up from a serious relationship (Please don't judge). I mean yeah, he had a school trip which involved a disco and over-night stay at a university. That morning everything was fine between us, infact on the day it was 1 year since we met. He held me and told me I was his life and stuff and I was happy, I felt safe with him I daresay he completed me.

When he left was different though because apart from him 'being upset' because he missed me on his trip, he soon fell for someone else and slow danced with her at this disco. That alone, was enough to drive me insane. He did tell me he liked her, which I give kudos to, and that week on one year he proposed to me too. I was pretty happy and I thought nothing more of it.

But seen as I'd just finished school I had a little weekend job, but seems he fount this the time to, in his words, 'Do whatever he wanted'. So while I was at work he was with this other girl, and he even had the audacity to ask to borrow money from me. But, this wasn't the final blow that finished us. He had a party that night, which he assured me she wasn't going to, and he saw fit to 'accidentally' forget his ring on that day. Sure enough, that night he finished me by text, which I later find out was off HER phone.

And once again, as expected that week he had asked her out. Even then, he still turned around and told me he wanted to be with me and it drove me into despair. I didn't know what to believe. Although he was with her he continually tried to kiss me and tell me he loved me. I was at the end.

They only lasted two weeks, he finished her to get back with me. He assured me over and over he only kissed her once because he still loved me, which I've now found out to be a blatant lie as he was all over her. So I don't know how to believe he actually wants to be with me.

We have now gotten re-engaged after one month, but I don't see how he can lie so much and hurt people so indiscrimanately.

Luckily not being diagnosed with Cynical Depression, just with Severe Anxiety. But it seems everyday I find out another lie about what he has done, what he has said and told me, and I know have Sever Panic Attacks at night when I am alone, and I can't get to sleep for nightmares.

Anybody know how to help me get over this? The attacks are getting worse and worse, ranging from being in floods of tears to being unable to breathe. Also, I have lashed out at my poor wall numerous times out of anger at what he did.

I'm getting desperate, it's driving me to depression.

I am sorry I had to edit you post due to Rule:
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
I left the rest of your post intact.
Thank you in advance for your understanding.
Edit:- I feel asthough I should add this.
Since this occured I have lost interest in food, along with 1 1/2 stone.
I am 5'4", weighing in at 6st9lbs. My BMI is 16.83, severly underweight.
I also have an increased concern of the way I look, as I no longer feel desirable.
I've had a desire to become a size0 model of late, so have started purging to achieve this.
It seems my weight is the only thing I can control.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 12/16/2007 6:10:50 PM (GMT-7)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/16/2007 8:18 PM (GMT -6)   

Dear Chuttery

Welcome to Healing Well and the A & P forum.

Please give us the benefit of the doubt of not assuming anything about anyone. We are not judgemental here but we are a group of members who are caring and are supportive.

You have many issues in your post and I would wish for you the chance to see a physician and get into therapy.

I could say alot about the boyfriend but I think you already know in your own mind he is not safe for you.  You are allowing him to walk all over you and then let him come back and do it again.  This is not the true love of your life.  I promise you that. This is my opinion and I am not being judgemental.

Judge with your mind and not your heart in the case of this person. You deserve so much better in life, be good to yourself. 

You said you are not depressed, I would reevaluate that as the actions in your post are of a person with depression and anxiety.

Please keep posting. Coming here and talking about this as well as sharing it with others is the best thing to do.

Take care and gentle hugs to you



Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 12/16/2007 8:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for the warm welcome.
Sorry I did not mean to offend by assuming you would judge me, just alot of the reactions seem to be based off my age and not by me. Especially from my family, who just seem to think I can easily get over this. I'm afraid I can't.
Well, after a visit to A&E I had an appointment with a psychologist, and it was them who told me it was Severe Anxiety and I had no signs of Depression.
Although, I have gotten alot worse of late.
And, although I know he may be bad for me (and my mental health as it appears) I cannot deny I was completely lost without him.
Somedays you're the bird, others you're the statue.
I may not be old, but I am a wise and tortured soul.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 12/16/2007 8:27 PM (GMT -6)   

It sounds to me like you are having a really rough time Chuttery.  I can't remember being 16, but I know all too well what it is like to live with extreme painic, anxiety and depression.  I agree with Kitt that you should seek out some counselling.  You're battling some serious issues there.

As for you wall, give it grief! I'm sure it will forgive you, but please don't abuse your body.  It's really only going to make the anxiety worse even if it feels "better" atthe time.  I lost a lot of weight when I first had panic attacks.  Try and eat small, low fat meals, it keeps you saner, trust me.  I wish you all the best Chuttery, and please be kind to yourself and reach out to someone.  Thanks for being so honest and posting here, I hope we can help you out just a little bit.


I alone can do this, but I cannot do it alone. 

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/16/2007 8:55 PM (GMT -6)   
I actually remember my first "love" and now it seems pretty sweet but at the time is was much the same as your story.  So I do understand. 
I was beside myself trying to figure out why I was not good enough and that this guy who swore he loved me would go out on the prowl after leaving me off at home.  I had a curfew.  He was older than I was.
Imagine my heartache when he announced he had someone else and had decided to marry her..............but he really loved me.  redface
It got even better when he invited me to the wedding..........twist that knife.  nono
So sweetie, do follow through with your taking care of you.  The man who you end up with will be honest and sincere and he will not treat you like this.
No one is perfect but a foundation of love is not built on lies.
Keep posting, we are here and we were young, too.  I now have granddaughters your age that are right into that same time zone as you.
Gentle Hugs and great advice by NervyMeg too.  She is a wise lady.

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/17/2007 9:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HW

NO one will ever JUDGE you here sweetie
Let your heart pour out the pain....I know I would .........and especially here as there are so many understanding ppl that know what you are feeling and going thru .......

I have no doubt as to what I would do but this is me hun k
I would break it off immediately with him no matter how much I loved him ......he is using you ...........
"Once a Cheater Always a Cheater".........IMHO and I believe you will find this is almost true with over 90% of cheaters............

YOU so deserve are young and have a great life ahead of you
Please do k
keep coming back for support and caring here
WE ARE here for you sweetie............I have a daughter just a wee bit younger than you .......

Kitt and Meg gave great input as well
PlZ call a hotline if you come close to doing stuff to self again .....PROMISE me ..........
The wall it will be okay will be too once you see him for what he really is ..........and what he is doing to you

Be well

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  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
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DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
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        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us

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