Right before anyone assumes I'm just some stupid kid, I am 16 and I do have ALOT of jumbled feelings.
Well, a few months ago I had a break-up from a serious relationship (Please don't judge). I mean yeah, he had a school trip which involved a disco and over-night stay at a university. That morning everything was fine between us, infact on the day it was 1 year since we met. He held me and told me I was his life and stuff and I was happy, I felt safe with him I daresay he completed me.
When he left was different though because apart from him 'being upset' because he missed me on his trip, he soon fell for someone else and slow danced with her at this disco. That alone, was enough to drive me insane. He did tell me he liked her, which I give kudos to, and that week on one year he proposed to me too. I was pretty happy and I thought nothing more of it.
But seen as I'd just finished school I had a little weekend job, but seems he fount this the time to, in his words, 'Do whatever he wanted'. So while I was at work he was with this other girl, and he even had the audacity to ask to borrow money from me. But, this wasn't the final blow that finished us. He had a party that night, which he assured me she wasn't going to, and he saw fit to 'accidentally' forget his ring on that day. Sure enough, that night he finished me by text, which I later find out was off HER phone.
And once again, as expected that week he had asked her out. Even then, he still turned around and told me he wanted to be with me and it drove me into despair. I didn't know what to believe. Although he was with her he continually tried to kiss me and tell me he loved me. I was at the end.
They only lasted two weeks, he finished her to get back with me. He assured me over and over he only kissed her once because he still loved me, which I've now found out to be a blatant lie as he was all over her. So I don't know how to believe he actually wants to be with me.
We have now gotten re-engaged after one month, but I don't see how he can lie so much and hurt people so indiscrimanately.
Luckily not being diagnosed with Cynical Depression, just with Severe Anxiety. But it seems everyday I find out another lie about what he has done, what he has said and told me, and I know have Sever Panic Attacks at night when I am alone, and I can't get to sleep for nightmares.
Anybody know how to help me get over this? The attacks are getting worse and worse, ranging from being in floods of tears to being unable to breathe. Also, I have lashed out at my poor wall numerous times out of anger at what he did.
I'm getting desperate, it's driving me to depression.
I am sorry I had to edit you post due to Rule:
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
I left the rest of your post intact.
Thank you in advance for your understanding.
Edit:- I feel asthough I should add this.
Since this occured I have lost interest in food, along with 1 1/2 stone.
I am 5'4", weighing in at 6st9lbs. My BMI is 16.83, severly underweight.
I also have an increased concern of the way I look, as I no longer feel desirable.
I've had a desire to become a size0 model of late, so have started purging to achieve this.
It seems my weight is the only thing I can control.
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 12/16/2007 6:10:50 PM (GMT-7)