afraid of getting better

mcbhaff · May 17, 2006, 4:15am

Hello,

akramh · May 17, 2006, 6:52am

well sort of, 2 years ago i was hooked on an internet computer game i was happy, and going to the doctor was the last thing on my mind but i was forced to do it by my family. so yes i was feeling misrable but at the same time i wanted to stay within my walls which is the game, playing it made me feel good about myself and forget the troubles of life

To be or not to Be

Narianna · May 17, 2006, 1:50pm

Same with me... Depression may be miserable but after so long, it becomes normal... And while it seems ridiculous to be afraid of getting better, it's more about the fear of change... When something becomes such a reality and a part of You, it's scary to think what You would be and how You would feel without it... i know this doesn't help much but You're not crazy at least... Lots of people struggle with the same issue... lol Anyway, good luck!

mysts_gurlz · May 17, 2006, 5:07pm

I agree with Narianna. I'm feeling the same too mcbhaff. I want to get better but a part of me like has already get used with the life I had. It's like I fear to find myself so happy and free from depression. Like it's not me anymore when I get well. I always end up feeling more depressed when thinking about this too much.

:: Chronic Major Depression :: BPD ::

rseadon · May 17, 2006, 8:32pm

Hi there,
It makes a kind of sence to be scared of getting better.
If you get better It means you are going to have to cope with things you are not capable of doing now. However when you are depressed you can't even imagine, let alone remember what it's like to feel able to cope. So you think of trying to manage from where you are now.

Lyndsey · May 23, 2006, 11:37am

My boyfriend has often said he's scared to feel happy and loved because then it can all go wrong again.

If he stays feeling like this with the barriers he's built, letting nobody get too close then he can't get hurt...but he feels hurt and really low every day anyway.

But I always think that if things are so bad then it's worth a gamble to let people in and feel 'well' , you have nothing to lose.

Wishing you all the best in feeling good again

Lyndsey

els · May 23, 2006, 11:42am

Very good insight Lyndsey...glad to see you back on

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

Lyndsey · May 23, 2006, 9:23pm

Thanks els

Have been staying at my b'fs for the last week and things were looking good, no arguements...we had fun doing some decorating, cooked meals together when he was back from work, cuddled up and watched a dvd..all just like the old days.

The minute I came home (I had bills to sort, had my neice for the day, my best friends b'day-the usual) it was like life was all too difficult for him again!! The sad voice on the phone was back, can't be bothered to cook, anything good I'd done it was 'oh good for you' but if I say nothing it's 'can't you think of anything to say to me anymore?'.

Now, to me this is getting a bit like 'selective depression', maybe it's chronic loneliness? I deliberatly leave lots of my things at his so he knows I'm coming back but I wake up and it's like he's gonna decide if we're gonna have a nice day or not.

I've been keeping my cool really well but earlier I had to come off the phone and told him I think he's better having some peace tonight - I said I don't mind him moanig TO me about anything, I'll always listen but I won't have him moaning AT me, it's 2 different things...

To be blunt HE WAS DOING MY HEAD IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surely there's a fine line between being supportive and being a human verbal punchbag !

Lyndsey

SnowyLynne · May 23, 2006, 10:27pm

I hated being depressed,& couldn't wait to get better,which I did...........

SnowyLynne

akramh · May 24, 2006, 11:45am

can't say if i hate it or not , well its sort of a part of me sometimes, other times i just wish to get better.
but its getting weaker everyday, i am sort of on the right track ( i think lol ).

To be or not to Be

els · May 24, 2006, 3:35pm

Lyndsey, Very good for you sticking up for yourself that way. As I said before depressed or not behavior and actions should always be accounted for. There is no reason to punish someone else because we feel bad.

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

rachv12 · May 26, 2006, 7:09pm

hmmm...i kinda worry about getting better because then i'll have no excuse for being the way that i am. i know that sounds terrible, but my depression has allowed me to have an excuse for laziness and lack of enthusiasm

S.B · May 27, 2006, 10:42pm

As much as i want to get rid of my dark cloud, i am also scared. I have also built walls, very big ones, i also seem to be stuck up to people at times. it has to feel better to be better, take it one day at a time.