AFTERTHOUGHT

Diseases & Conditions Bipolar Disorder
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 PERHAPS I HAVE BEEN IN DENIAL THAT I AM BP
 i AM SELF SUPPORTIVE AND HAVE STRIVED TO BE SELF SUFFICIENT. aT THIS TIME I HAVE BEEN DOWN FOR 3 MONTHS AND HAVE LITTLE OR NO ENERGY, AGORAPHOBIC WITH PARANOIA THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH ESPECIALLY WHEN I SEEK EMPLOYMENT, I AM A PROFESSIONAL AND QUALIFIED YET i FEEL SO INADEQUATE AND SOMETIMES SCARED.i HAVE NOT HAD THESE FEELINGS UNTIL RECENTLY.CLOSE TO HOMELESSNESS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COME OUT OF THIS, THAT IS WHY I CHOSE A SUPPORT CHAT ROOM.mY FAMILY AND FRIENDS JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND,I AM TIRED OF BEING CALLED WIERD, I AM TALENTED, CARING, AND RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS. INITIALLY I DID NOT THINK THAT BP WAS THAT DEBILITATING, NOW I AM CONCERNED.
I SEEK REASSURANCE THAT THIS WILL GET BETTER SOON!
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Jobee, to be honest, it only gets better with the right medication. So the first thing you need to do is work closely with you pdoc to make sure he/she is giving you what you need. And remember, you are good enough, that is just the BP talking, try not to listen. Did they tell you whether you have type 1 or type 2 BP?

No truer statement than "they just don't understand". It is so hard to communicate what you are feeling to someone who has never "been there" and never will be. It is not necessarily that they are being rude, it's just that it's an impossible thing to empathize with if you aren't BP. You have come to the right place for someone "understanding" to talk to. Most of us have been exactly where you are now. My email is listed so if you want to chat privately just email.

Good luck. Most everyone will be on tomorrow and have plenty to say to you about your situation.

Sandra

BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs

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 THANK YOU SANDRA, PERHAPS I HAVE FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE
 i FEEL THAT THIS IS A START AND WILL OFFER THE HOPE THAT I GREATLY NEED. BP#1 I AM MIDDLE AGE AND HAVE BEEN BP MOST OF MY LIFE AND EVEN AS A TEEN ACCORDING TO MY PDOC.i DO THINK THAT IT IS GENETIC WHEN I LOOK AT FAMILY HISTORY. fOR YEARS I WAS TREATED WITH ANTIDEPRESSANTS ALL OF THEM! wHICH ONLY MADE MATTERS WORSE.i CAN'T RECOGNIZE MYSELF WITH A LABEL OF MENTAL ILLNESS YET I AM
READY FOR A BETTER PATH AHEAD.i KNOW I CAN GET BETTER WITH SUPPORT I WANT TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE. YOUR INSPIRATION IS A BLESSING ESPECIALLY A FIRST RESPONSE. I WILL SLEEP MUCH BETTER TONITE.
                                                                                                      JOBEE
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Hi, Jobee -

I am so sorry you're doing so badly.  Yes, it's that debilitating, I lost a good career due to it, even tho I'm stable, it's fragile and the stress of working is enough to keep me in the hospital, so I am now on SSDI.  Not proud of it, either.  I never in one million years would have thought I would end up this way, it wasn't in the plan, ya know?  But, it has been a blessing, I never felt stable before (suffered 39 yrs) and it's really great.  Still do have mood swings, more than other people and always will, but nothing like before meds, at all.

You are experiencing all the normal feelings, denial, and surprise at how bad it can be, also tired of being called "weird".  We have all been there and still are to some degree!

Do you have a really good psychiatrist? (pdoc).  If you're feeling this bad, you are NOT on the right meds, far from it.  Whenever you feel this bad, or even a new bad episode sstarting, call your pdoc immediately.  The only way to get better is to be in constant communication with your doc; they can't help if they don't know what's going on. 

I am very concerned, tho about your taking Ritalin!   Why on earth would ANY pdoc prescribe an amphetamine to a bipolar, esp type I???????????????   That  I would be very interested to know, I'm surprised you're not in a straightjacket!    Lamictal is a very very good drug IMO for BP depression.  It saved my life, but I also take Wellbutrin with it, excellent combination for the depression part.  When did you get diagnosed?

I am glad you found us, Jobee, we're a good lot here and great to talk to about anything, we've all been where you are and totally understand everything you think and feel.  

Shannon

Bipolar disorder in one word:  Intensity

Post Edited (psychnurse) : 11/11/2005 8:13:52 PM (GMT-7)

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iT S GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU SHANNON.i HAVE BENN ON RITALIN FIR 3 YEARS AS I SUFFERED SAD FROM WORING 12 HOUR SHIFTS AT NIGHT AS A NURSE I STOPPED FOR A WHILE BUT REMAIND DYSFUNCTIONA WITH FOCUS AND ORGANIZATION. MY PDOC THOUGHT I SHOULD CONTINUE IT AN I ADMIT IT DOES HELP ME TO COMPLETE TASKS AND FOCUS. lAMICTAL WAS WORKING WELL BUT WITH THE RECENT ADDED STRESS i FELL INTO SOME KIND OF VORTEX. ALSO A MID LIFE CRISIS DOES NOT HELP. i AM PST THE STRAIGHT JACKET, I AM JUST SOMBER AND ALMOST NON FEELING WITH NO SPONTANEOUS REACTION OR EMOTION. FACING A CHALLENGE IN MY CHOSEN PROFESSION, I AM SEARCHING FOR A JOB THAT WILL ALLOW A DAILY ROUTINE,I UNDERSTAND THAT IS VITAL TO BP STABILAZATION. hOWEVER WITHOUT THE RITALIN I CANNOT CONCENTRATE AS WELL IT DOES NOT MAKE ME HYPER AND I AM ON A LOW DOSAGE. yOU ARE VERY KIND TO RESPOND, LET'S STAY IN TOUCH! JOBEE
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THAT WAS NOT EDITED BEFORE SUBMITTING.PLEASE OVERLOOK THE POOR COMMUNICATION AND LACK OF SPELLING, I AM NOT ON BARBITUATES THO MY WRITING MAY APPEAR SO!
A LITTLE HUMOR THERE!
AS A BP I DO STRIVE FOR PERFECTION. GUESS MY RITALIN IS WEARING OFF
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT SHANNON
j
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Good a.m. Jobee;  you're probably still asleep.
 
No problem; your spelling/grammar is fine!  But, I find it kind of difficult to read all caps, if you don't mind too much could you make it lower case? :-)  
 
How are you feeling today?  I can be a little on the paranoid side myself, and really don't like to leave the house TOOO much, but am not a classic agorophobic.  More like I love seclusion.   I find it also depends on my mood alot; when I'm hypo I love to get out some, but anything else and I'm very happy to stay in and not leave the house for days, not depressed, just like staying in without the hassle of driving and going places. 
 
So you are in between jobs now?   What field of nursing are you in?  Are you looking to do something else with it?
 

Bipolar disorder in one word:  Intensity

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Good morning to you. I am just awake approaching today with some hope of accomplishment in mind.
 I have been a nurse for many years and now considering the need for another profession but finances and school and keeping a home with little or no income are factors. I like helping others I enjoy acute care for I am always busy and learning each day. I have done many phases of nursing including natural medicine which is my preference. I have worked in an Indian Health clinic which was very interesting.There comes a time one must be in a healing atmosphere so I am just asking for my angels to assist my directions where i should choose.I have done other work at times but i go back to what i do best it seems.
Like you, i get up and could stay in a cocoon. I have to force myself. I am job seeking on Monday. I WISH YOU A BLESSED DAY

Post Edited (JOBEE) : 11/12/2005 8:03:00 AM (GMT-7)

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  F.Y.I. It seems that my symptoms surfaced with recognition and concern when it was determined that I had a pituitary tumor,a lipoid that can affect balance,vision,moods. I have been on synthroid for years since the thyroid has diminished..

I accept the diagnosis of bp yet I wonder? :-)
 
Has anyone had this sort of medical history before or after being diagnosed as BP..................................j