Post Edited By Moderator (boo~baby) : 12/19/2004 11:38:44 PM (GMT-7)
Thanks alot john for responding. I don't know the guy personally but I know he likes me and he is causing alot of stress in my life. I just can't take it anymore. I just wish I could drown myself. But I am a christian and I know I will not make it to heaven. It seems like everything in my life is bad luck. No matter what I do it always backfires on me. No matter whether its good deeds or intentions it always seems to turn out bad and backfire on me. But I am getting realy sick of it. I have been dealing with this sh88 for 7 years and I dont want it anymore. It seems like everyone hates me. My relationships never work out, my job is not working out, and my so-called friends seem to talk about me and lie about me. I am just ready to freakin end it all. I have had enough of this. Its not normal for a person to have all of this bad luck. Its not normal!!! Hear me john! Its not fair. I do so many dam8 good deeds for other people and guess what I get in return? Sh88 on. I am just so tired and just feel like giving everything up. I don't want to try to work no more, I dont want to be nice anymore, I dont want to make friends no more. I just want to give everything up and stay in a psycho ward so I can get some mind rest time away from this world. So I can regain my energy that has been lost over the years. To gain my confidence that has been lost over the years, to gain my slef-esteem that has been lost over the years. I am just so darn tired and I shouldnt be. I am only 25. My life has just started out. I really appreciate you all listening. I just need to vent. And I am going to find out if I can stay in a mental hospital for sometime. At least 6 months or more. I think I need it.
Depresedandlonly
Well said Ralph !
(BTW, that's the first properly spelled post I've ever seen - are you dyslexic too ?
)
Hope this neighbour doesn't give any more trouble DAL, if he abuses his girlfriend he might be the kind of guy who just dances on any sort of weakness he can see in a lady rather than protecting vulnerable women as should be; phoning the cops unnecessarily is on a par with that type of behaviour. The sort of guy who is really nice until you're "his" and then he won't let you out of his sight until he tires of hitting you...
I can see why you were annoyed at joeboot. I went to a rather notorious bar the other night, to a friend's leaving party, got chatting to a pretty girl... people who saw me with her the next day might have jumped to conclusions. But neither of us frequent that meat market, or do drugs, neither of us go out much (my second bar this year ! ) and although she came to see me next day, that's as far as it went. If a total stranger suggested otherwise to me, I'd ask, why do you assume the worst of me ?
But for all that I would not condone his assumptions or his approach, I can see where joeboot was coming from. (And for all his clumsiness, he did think you are "wonderful and beautiful" - so can he be all bad ?
) Once you start seeing all the bad things, and expecting them to happen to you, it is almost as if you are programming your life to work that way. Not that you want it to - just that the people around you do respond to your expectations of what is going to happen, and seeing the negative side of things makes it enormously hard to see any advantage to a situation, so you are not able to make lemonade out of the lemons.
The hardest thing I ever did was learn how to do circumstantial judo, and I'm afraid I can't even tell you how I learned. The hard way, knowing me !
I wish I could tell you how to get out of this hole you're in - I remember vividly what hell it was to feel that way, I remember the desperation and the awful dread of facing each new day - but all I can say is, life is a numbers game, at some point it has to improve even if only by chance !
Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 12/20/2004 9:48:20 AM (GMT-7)
I understand snohare. But joeboot does not have the right to be judging people when he doesnt know them. Thats why I cussed him out. You can't be an adult when you come to a depression chatroom and instead of people helping you, they are judging you. People who come here should have compassion and understanding for the other person or they shouldnt come here at all. He deserved every last cuss word. I don't take anything back. He should have thought about that before trying to judge me. Since I am getting negativity from joeboot instead of positivity, maybe I should just leave this chatroom. I don't find it to be helpful at all especially when he is sending messed up messages like that.
-Depresedandlonly
(Please forgive my OCD spelling, I can't help it, I mean no disrespect. I'm an old lady and don't know the cool ways.) My heart breaks to hear you so sad and frustrated. You are only 25, your life should be happy and full of fun adventures. It seems to me that the serious pains in life should be many years yet from your reach. I am so so sorry that you are feeling them so incredibly prematurely. But here you are, and a chat room friend even younger, feeling such hurt already at 17! It is horrible. One thing I can promise you for certain, the older you get, the easier life gets. But that's not much help now, is it? But here's my best guess at how it works, so you can maybe get a jump on it. First, you get so that the very first thing you care about is your own safety. YOU had a WONDERFUL idea when you said you thought about just moving away from your creepy neighbor. The chatroom people who have bad gut feelings about him have them for good reason: they are probably right! Second: you realize that you only have 24 hours in a day, so you only have time ro really care about a few things. So you just pick a few, sink you heart into those, then call it a day, and have a good night's sleep. Get up the next day, wash your face, eat well, and do it all over again. THAT'S IT. That's all there is to Life Itself! For me, it's nursing mentally ill men at a prison, doing animal rescue, being with my friends and my sweet little hubby, and playing house! That's it. But those few little things give me a rich deep satisfying life, for which I can lay my head on my pillow every night saying "Thanks Lord for another day." I don't know the answers to everything, I CAN"T know the answers to everything....but for some reason some people want to. I have a sister who is SIXTY and she is STILL having plastic surgery, STILL driving herself crazy with philosophical and religious arguments,STILL cannot form a solid relationship with anyone, and still is not 1/100th as at peace nor as happy as I am. Just make a choice already. Who you will love, what you will love, and do it. Listen to your heart. YOU ARE TRUSTWORTHY. IF there's too much noise in your head to hear your heart, talk out loud to somebody. We will hear the repetitions, and be able to help you sort out what we hear as real. I"M betting MY money that you are an AWESOME individual!!! You may feel freaking nuts. But I'll bet you're not. As an adult psychiatry nurse of 23 years, I may be hearing that you might be running a bit low on Seratonin, and that's why you feel so crappy, but I can easily give you a list to check that out yourself (look under AliceBlue stuff for my list). One pill a day would fix that imbalance and you'd stop crying, stop feeling crazy, and have a new access to the real you, if it turns out that it's appropriate for you, and only you can decide, based on good information. DON'T YOU GIVE UP!!! You got some good spunk, which always lies inside a GREAT PERSONALITY!!! Take Care. Pammi (who talks waaaayyy too dang much!)