Apologies to All a d Humira update

fatigued · September 25, 2005, 10:34am

Dear HW Gang,

i am so sorry that I have not written or replied to anyone in so long. I have had you all in my thoughts. I read your posts and flag a mental note to go back and reply later and then I forget.

I just seem to have such horrible problems with memory, organization of time etc.

And then there is the SIX big ones:
a) depression
b) guilt for feeling depressed when I know so many are so worse off than me
c) procrastination AND FORGETFULLNESS
d) pain that keeps me in bed a lot of the time
e) poor self esteem that makes me feel that I am not worthy of belonging to a group of such outgoing people
f) feeling like I have nothing to say and if I do start I will never end.
g) writing a post and then somehow losing it

Now no one here as ever made me feel this way. You guys are wonderful!!!!

The words just do not seem to come out that easy any more.

I have spent weeks trying to fill out disability forms that I know if I do not get them done, I will get cut off.

I have avoided the family doctor who fills out the forms and gives the pain meds.

The housework never ends and the pain is enormous when I try to do what I would have whipped through five years ago.

Hubby has been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and psoriatric arthritis. Imagine marrying someone with the same illness. However his range of mobility is better than mine. but his sleep apnea is very SERIOUS!! The sleep clinic that we were both suppose to go to, but I backed out of has confirmed that he stops breathing on average 103 times per hour. He stops breathing from anywhere from 30 seconds to almost ten minutes. I do not quite get that part. However I guess there are different levels of how a badly a person stops breathing or something. He has been to several urgent appointments. The neuro psychiatrist has him hooked up to a machine now and he is gradually building up how long he can have it on for. It is so nice to have a house free of snoring. The doc also told me no wonder he was always fatigued and lethargic.

I will be going on Humira once a week. rheumy is angry because I have too much pain and says it is mechanical whatever that means and that with the diabetes and fibro she does not know how anyone could make a diagnosis on me.

Anyway you have all been in my thoughts.
Craig you are an inspiration to us all.
Ducky you are too!!
CaMama I am so proud of you!!!
I am so sorry the doc was so mean to you. One day I will tell you about a similar experience I had.
Oreo, I pray that each day is getting a little easier and your dad is following the doctor's orders.
Erin you never cease to amaze me. You rock girl. You are so intelligent and a survivor!!
Flopsie you always have kind and encouraging words at just the right time.
Straydog, you have gone through so much and you still are there to lend an ear.
Curley you too are always there for others.
And to so many others that post on this board, I apologize that I have not replied. I do keep you all in my prayers always and look forward to reading your posts everyday. It gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

So I sincerely apologize I will try and write more often and join chats. thanks for being here. This is my life preserver.
Thinking of you all fondly,
Judy/Effie
p.s. if this was too long please delete

user11 · September 25, 2005, 12:08pm

Judy,
this is a difficult time for you, i know. and perhaps difficult doesn't even begin to describe it! maybe the weekly Humira will help more. that's serious about your hubby! he doesn't fall asleep driving does he? sleep apnea does indeed cause enormous lethargy and fatigue during the day! i mean...no oxygen for a while!!! yikes. but at least some prgress is being made.
when the doc mentioned "mechanical" to you...she might have meant that the pain and all isn't just joint related. muscles can be involved and the rest of the skeletal system. I HATE ANSWERS LIKE THAT TOO! it's like the Dr scapegoat for when they don't know what else to say! LOL.
i will write again later.
how's everything so far today?
my prayers are with you as always!! hang in there. i know it's tough. i'm in the same boat. i'm taking every hour as it comes. don't think too far ahead Judy...tackle one task at a time and leave the rest! the disability stuff and docs are most important right now....the dishes, laundry, housework...they'll all wait for you! LOL.
{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}
erin

CaMama · September 25, 2005, 3:11pm

Effie, I'm sorry to hear how bad you've been feeling. I pretty much am in the same list as yours most of the time, so I can completely relate.

The house and a few rooms around here are a sore spot between me and my husband...I'm not proud of the way the house looks and am embarrassed about a few things - but, they have, they will, and much of it can wait. I have a big problem with procrastination and forgetfulness myself....to the point now I'm really worried about forgetting big items. I try to remember to write EVERYTHING down now so I don't have to be such a constant worry wart - it feeds the procrastination, too busy worrying to actually DO anything! Knowing some of my issues make for foggy brain AND alzheimer's runs in the family - it freaks me out.

Having Hubby w/problems too doesn't help and if he's tired that makes it more difficult to have a relationship (boy do I know this one.....between both our fatigue and issues last year, we were really close to breaking up. We didn't talk for months - a tough thing to accomplish when raising 2 kids tag-team while both working full time.)

You can and will get through this, Effie. We're here for you to get it off your chest. You are going through a lot and that also feeds the other issues.

Big hugs to you and I hope the Humeria works and the doctors start giving you some actual answers.

**