God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
i write everything down, but i love to write, poems, stories, songs, and of course what ever is bothering me,
i would suggest your Lady is expressing her thoughts, and they are not neccesary what she is really feeling, a though is just a thought, and thousands go through our mind every day, some good some bad, and in those there are many associations which arn't corrrect, we all have some negative thoughts about those we love at times, and your Lady has focused on a few of them, it doesnt mean she doesnt love you, or thats what she really thinks, she's feeling low and you are close to her so you will get some of the blame as it is a part of human nature to blame those close to us, just dont add to the problem, stand back when you need to, but be there for her when she needs you
i hope this helps
Hi james, I was wondering if your wife normally communicates with you about her feelings honestly or to a level that you believe to be honest? I dont mean to be nosey here, but I know in my marriage I had built up a lot of anger and hostility toward my husband and got to the point where I wouldnt even talk to him about my thoughts and feelings anymore. We pretty much just co-existed together in our house until I couldnt take it and had to move out. I was pretty depressed at the time and on an antidepressant which wasnt helping much. If I had been willing to go to a marriage counselor at the time it most likely could of saved our marriage but I refused. I just felt to overwhelmed. Its hard to explain.
It just doesnt seem right that she would say something hurtful to you on paper in a fit of anger or really depressed state then turn around and almost say never mind I didnt mean it. Or pretend it didnt happen and nothings wrong.
i ve suffered depression for 14 years and recently lost my mother which was a double dose of depression lately. As a person with depression I will isolate myself at times, but total isolation is not good.
My husband tried to give me space but it was too much space, i needed him close and he was trying to help by letting me be. I know he feels like he walks on eggshells at times, i try to be open and honest with him.
I guess from my perspective is ......dont let her push you too far away , deep down it is not probably what she wants. I also tend to shy away from anger and confrontation, and go off by myself and have my quietness. I should write like your wife does, i think that is good.I probably would not take everything to heart that she throws at you, sometimes our anger is rolled into one ball and thrown at the person we love the most.
strength in your struggle........Ann
els ,thats pretty much how I feel lately,I think she has the hostility thing going at me but in a few days she could be the very best and it will be as if nothing ever happened.You are so right about pretending she never said it comment its not fair ....but I gotto live with it ..i am 32 and feel like I am an old man at times dealng with all of lifes curves here .
Ann,Iknow she is pushing me away and not realizing that she is doing it and I dont usually let myself get to far away but sometimes I ask myself if its all worth it or not ..so far it has been.You should for sure write your thoughts down but dont share them all with your husband ,some of the stuff I read i wish I didnt but its to late to dwell on that...tommorow is a new day ,I live one day at a time ,that way stress doesnt get me ....that being said thankyou all for your kind wordsand I hope you all have a good day
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
From what I read about your description about her, she sounds like she has BPD. But this is from my point of view only. I'm no expert.
I said so coz that's exactly what I did to my fiance. I didn't realize what I did was pushing him away. Sometimes I know what I was doing is wrong but I can't seem to help it. I can be angel at one minute and appear to be his perfect woman but suddenly i can turn into a really heartless demon and torment his feelings. He said I really make him crazy. Seems like he cannot do anything right. But now I know and I'm trying hard to fight the devil inside me - my BPD!
I love him and I want to change. But really, it's hard!! well, I hate myself for hurting him over and over and I want to stop doing that. When the feelings are overwhelming, yes I could say or do anything that I would regret later and feel guilty and then depressed for doing so. What makes me motivated to keep trying harder is the support from my fiance. To see him enduring the torment I gave him really touch me. If he can stand my illness for our love, why can't I learn to be better with my illness for our love too?
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Again James, like me, I know I have problem, took meds but stopped taking it as i think they never help and thinking of trying other meds, and thought the doctor just put Chronic major depression and Borderline personality disorder to make their work easy. Sometimes I think I have no illness. it's just me. it's just my sucks bad attitude (my fiancee once said it to me). Is it??
As for your Q, I suggest a counsellor. You said she needs someone to talk to right. I see my psychiatrist for prescription and a counsellor to talk with my feelings and thoughts. At first I go to a doctor. then he reffered me to a psychiatrist. Then the psychiatrist get me a counsellor. But I don't know how it's done at your place. Good Luck!!
-Jane-
Hi James,
Years ago, I got therapy and it helped. From what you say, I think that would be a good alternative. My only concern would be that there are good therapists and bad therapists. I was lucky (I got the name from the phone book).
For me, trying to design a better future helps. I know what you're saying about one day at a time. I like to have something to work towards. That just me.
Best of luck.
Ed
ELS..thanks that is what we will have to do ...really soon !!
Ed, I take the one day at a time approach for my own sanity ...my wife is like you plans everything out as far down the road she can..
Again thanks for all the input folks
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Thanks els,
she actually went to a pschologist had some cognetive counselling ,she made an appointment with family doc and is gonna get her to refer her to a psychiatrist for proper diagnosis and meds..things are looking up I hope !!!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.