I don't know how much of a factor this is for the other posters but denial and confusion was very strong in my case. For starters I would ask myself maybe it is just my imagination. I mean everyone is sad or energetic, right? Maybe I am just using the behavior as an excuse since I am lazy... Then there is the general cyncism of the public towards mental disorders like they are all behavioral and have nothing to do with chemical imbalances. For example: "Everyone thinks they have ADD and they are just trying to get time extensions or special treatment". Great so because some diagnosis of ADD is questionable all mental disorders are a sham? Another thing is the criticism ( like Cruise in the media) from some pundits of people who try to remedy their situation by taking pills and that this is a campaign by pharmaceutical companies. As a person with BP my incentive is to live and therefore if my living is contingent on X pills than I will consume X pills regardless of naysayers and cynics. Again BP is just as physical as cancer. Now that I am in school I am forced to see some counselor/pyschologist in conjunction with the pyschiatrist.... which is useless and fruitless. BP is 99.9 percent neuro imbalances so why would I go on a weekly basis to some pyschology intern who is about my age. It is so ridiculous.... she cannot understand and even if she does understand what exactly is she trying to achieve. My aggression is from BP not because I am genuinely angry. My depression is from BP not because I am genuinely upset. My delusions are from BP not because I really want to dwell on them. My anti social and narcistic behavior is from BP not because I really love myself.... BP is a seriousl debilitating force and although we (or I) cannot always articulate it to other people it is a potent, ever-present machine that dictates what we do.
Post Edited (dgoldberg) : 9/23/2005 3:33:07 PM (GMT-6)
Funny, I just had the SAME thought about it dictating our actions, not just moods, this afternoon! That's something non BPs cannot even fathom. I know when they hear that they're like "Oh, the devil made you do it is ridiculous, so you blame it on a mental illness". Do you know how embarassed I was when i had to explain to the trustee at my hearing WHY I had to file bankruptcy? I thought she would probably laugh at me, but she didn't. But, she might have been a good actress. My attorney did say she has heard this before.
Thanks for the post, very enlightening for non BPs.
Wow, couldn't of put it better myself. " Myaggression is from Bp, not because I am genuinely angry". Geez ... if we could have a seminar on that it would be wisely informative. have you ever thoght why did my doc go into Psychiatry? They try so hard to understand the nature of the beast, all the while I wonder ... all the studying and research they have done, do they truly understand? If not it makes no difference because they are on MY side. They truly should be commended on just wanting to learn, help, and educate. Thanks for putting that in such complete terms. Nickie
My aggression is from BP not because I am genuinely angry. My depression is from BP not because I am genuinely upset. My delusions are from BP not because I really want to dwell on them. My anti social and narcistic behavior is from BP not because I really love myself.... BP is a seriousl debilitating force and although we (or I) cannot always articulate it to other people it is a potent, ever-present machine that dictates what we do.
Are you by any chance a poet? Many of us are, and that sounds like a very poignant (sp) poem, and it actually made me teary when I read it again. So very true.<!-- Edit -->
Hi dgoldberg---good post. Re: Denial---I was in denial for my BP for the longest time---maybe... ht
The reason was because my brother is BP-1 & has been hospitalized twice & attempted suicide...& this scared me. But, i've come to grips w my illness. It's not something i want---but, i have no choice but to be treated by Drs who i have utmost confidence in (my pdoc & my therapist)---keep posting & i hopej you're doing well---Blessings---Robert
Thank you for so articulately summing up all the things we struggle with everyday. You have put into words all the things that I have tried to tell people so many times over. Its hard to make people understand that you "just don't feel good" and that there isn't any other reason why.
