Hi, I'm new here.
A bit about my background; I am Chinese-American, 18, male. I've been moderately depressed since maybe eighth or ninth grade, but it seems that over the past year it's gotten a lot worse.
Now I'm at a summer camp thing at the college that I will be attending in the fall(CU-Boulder), and I've never felt so alone. I feel like I'm not able to make any connections with my peers, and they all get along with each other so well. It hurts so much. We're also doing a paid internship thing here, but I hate the task I've been assigned, and it's making things even worse.
I'm really scared since I'm up here for a month and there are activities even on the weekends which my parents refuse to grant me a break from. My parents being Chinese have the whole "boys don't cry" stigma going... my dad thinks I'm weak and self-centered and my mom thinks that it's all in my mind and that I don't try hard enough, and it's just awful.
Professional help and pills are out of the question since my parents won't condone it, and I have no money to pay for the help or the medicines on my own.
I could really, really use someone to talk to and just listen. This will make me sound like a jerk but I really don't want advice right now because I think it will make me feel even worse. Maybe if someone would want to talk to me that would be great. Since I'm expected to be at activities my time is limited but any support you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Please talk to me, either on here, or by e-mail; it's my screen name on here @msn.com. I also have this screen name on msn and aol messenger. Please... only talk if you have the patience and the time and the kindness to deal with me. I'm probably going to be high maintainence and I don't want to overburden anyone.
I'm sorry this sounded so whiny. But I could really really really use someone to talk to right now. Many thanks in advance for any help you can provide.
~James
Hello James,
I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. I will honor your wishes and not give advice, except for one thing . . . there is usually some staff at the college for counseling. Have you confided in someone in authority there? They can be a great shoulder to lean on since they deal with this regularly.
I hope you will keep us updated.
Blessings!
In His Grip,
I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. I will honor your wishes and not give advice, except for one thing . . . there is usually some staff at the college for counseling. Have you confided in someone in authority there? They can be a great shoulder to lean on since they deal with this regularly.
I hope you will keep us updated.
Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel
Thank you for your response and your kind words. I did try going to the counseling center, but for some strange reason involving the fact that it is summer and the fact that I am technically not a full-time student yet(it's only the summer program so far) they can't do anything for me...
...I don't understand it either.
Ironically my evening passed well, considering the fact that I couldn't stop crying several hours before. Maybe I'm bipolar? How can I tell?
Also, I think I could use some advice at this time, if only to just get through this month. Earlier I don't think I could have handled it but I'm at least feeling in control somewhat tonight.
Again, thanks so much for your caring and support. There are a ton of activities planned all the way through Saturday, but hopefully I'll be able to update sometime then.
Thanks again.
James, First, welcome to our depression group where hypocrisy has no boundries, not for me anyway. Sounds like the classic "New kid on the block and I feel lost". That is perfectly normal for someone your age. The suggestion I can make is to go to a youth center in your city and join to make a better life for yourself. I know you are probably saying, "Yea, right". but these kids came from the same place you did so they can relate. If all else fails, contact the Health Care and Rehabilitation service in your area. I hope that helps and post all you want. Also read the past posts. They may be helpful.
"Lefty"
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.
Hi James,
I understand how you feel about honoring your parents. Traditional thinking is hard to break from. Please know that you can seek help that will be confidential. I know that you don't want to go against your parents . . . but this is pretty serious. You need to talk to someone who can help you through this. My parents always thought depression was something you could snap out of . . . but they had to be educated. When I finally sought help, they actually were supportive. I was surprised. There are posts here from parents who WISH their kids had sought help before taking their own lives. Depression can really take a fast down hill cycle and it gets harder and harder to reach out. You've made a great first step here. Keep looking for a counselor, they'll help you through the mom and dad thing too.
Blessings!
In His Grip,
I understand how you feel about honoring your parents. Traditional thinking is hard to break from. Please know that you can seek help that will be confidential. I know that you don't want to go against your parents . . . but this is pretty serious. You need to talk to someone who can help you through this. My parents always thought depression was something you could snap out of . . . but they had to be educated. When I finally sought help, they actually were supportive. I was surprised. There are posts here from parents who WISH their kids had sought help before taking their own lives. Depression can really take a fast down hill cycle and it gets harder and harder to reach out. You've made a great first step here. Keep looking for a counselor, they'll help you through the mom and dad thing too.
Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel
Sorry I am so late in welcoming you to our family. Hope you are finding ways to connect with those around you. Please keep us posted on how things are going.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
Randy
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
Hi,
Do you feel worse being around a big group of people? Just wondering, cuz there is a thing called "Social anxiety" also. If you have some free time... look up the symptoms.
Remicadex6weeks, 6-mp, b-12once x month, lamotil, bentyl, aciphex,Lexapro, And Trazadone to sleep.
Do you feel worse being around a big group of people? Just wondering, cuz there is a thing called "Social anxiety" also. If you have some free time... look up the symptoms.
Remicadex6weeks, 6-mp, b-12once x month, lamotil, bentyl, aciphex,Lexapro, And Trazadone to sleep.
~Michele~
Hi,
I want to thank all of you first for you kind words and suggestions. I've made some progress... I've talked to my parents and they are going to let me see professional help after summer camp which is good.
With that said I think I am relapsing back into depression again. The weekend was tolerable, but I'm back at the very bottom as I'm writing this. Mesh, I may have social anxiety, I'll have to check it out, but I still have 3 more weeks to do in summer camp, and I so want to go home. I really hate it here but I can't stand to just quit... so many people will look down on me and be disappointed in me whether they say it or not, myself included.
Any suggestions for me to get through these next three weeks would be so helpful. Keep in mind I'm stuck here and I can't really get any help, nor do I have the time to do so whilst I'm here.
Thanks so much, again, for all the support you are providing. I'll keep you updated.
~James
I want to thank all of you first for you kind words and suggestions. I've made some progress... I've talked to my parents and they are going to let me see professional help after summer camp which is good.
With that said I think I am relapsing back into depression again. The weekend was tolerable, but I'm back at the very bottom as I'm writing this. Mesh, I may have social anxiety, I'll have to check it out, but I still have 3 more weeks to do in summer camp, and I so want to go home. I really hate it here but I can't stand to just quit... so many people will look down on me and be disappointed in me whether they say it or not, myself included.
Any suggestions for me to get through these next three weeks would be so helpful. Keep in mind I'm stuck here and I can't really get any help, nor do I have the time to do so whilst I'm here.
Thanks so much, again, for all the support you are providing. I'll keep you updated.
~James
Hi James,
The first suggestion that I have for you is to start journaling. This has helped me so much because I find that I have so much to get out of my system and I can't lay in on my husband all the time. When I get a lot of it out of my head and onto paper its a big release. I have to admit sometimes I don't always save what I write because I really don't want to go through and read all of the negative thoughts in my head and I will just throw the paper away. Just knowing that its out and gone at least temporarily helps me tremendously. Also music is a really big therapy for me. Did you bring headphones with you to camp? I'm glad to see that you have computer access though which is good with talking to us at HW, we are always here to listen when you just want to let it out.
Take Care :)
The first suggestion that I have for you is to start journaling. This has helped me so much because I find that I have so much to get out of my system and I can't lay in on my husband all the time. When I get a lot of it out of my head and onto paper its a big release. I have to admit sometimes I don't always save what I write because I really don't want to go through and read all of the negative thoughts in my head and I will just throw the paper away. Just knowing that its out and gone at least temporarily helps me tremendously. Also music is a really big therapy for me. Did you bring headphones with you to camp? I'm glad to see that you have computer access though which is good with talking to us at HW, we are always here to listen when you just want to let it out.
Take Care :)
Des (dbab)
IBS, Diverticulosis, GERD, Disc Degeneration
"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it" - Mary Engelbreit
Hey James,
What dbab said is a good suggestion. I have done some writing myself and it has provided temporary relief for some of the problems I had been expierencing at the moment. At a type of summer camp like that, I am sure you have your time off, if you enjoy sports or anything you could just jump into a game and have fun with that. I know when ever I just get away and do anything social even if I suck at the sport, it shows some relief as I forget about what is bothering me. If you're to shy to ask, like dbab said music is a good possibility. I hope you have been feeling better since you joined HW. Take care
What dbab said is a good suggestion. I have done some writing myself and it has provided temporary relief for some of the problems I had been expierencing at the moment. At a type of summer camp like that, I am sure you have your time off, if you enjoy sports or anything you could just jump into a game and have fun with that. I know when ever I just get away and do anything social even if I suck at the sport, it shows some relief as I forget about what is bothering me. If you're to shy to ask, like dbab said music is a good possibility. I hope you have been feeling better since you joined HW. Take care
Dear James,
I just joined after reading your post. I have a parent who is from another country as well, and he also doesn't believe in my depression (even though he is a manic depressive himself!). Where he's from they have a different name for what we go through and their own ways of dealing with it, but it was hard on me to have my illness dismissed. I had to wait until I was a legal adult to get treatment.
Journaling is really an excellent suggestion. During a really low point, my therapist had me write in my journal a little every hour, just to track my mood throughout the day. Not sure why it helped, but it did.
I just joined after reading your post. I have a parent who is from another country as well, and he also doesn't believe in my depression (even though he is a manic depressive himself!). Where he's from they have a different name for what we go through and their own ways of dealing with it, but it was hard on me to have my illness dismissed. I had to wait until I was a legal adult to get treatment.
Journaling is really an excellent suggestion. During a really low point, my therapist had me write in my journal a little every hour, just to track my mood throughout the day. Not sure why it helped, but it did.
Guys,
Thanks for all of your kind words and suggestions; it's really helped me get past that month. I'm back home now, but I'll be back in school in two weeks.
Right now I'm feeling half-decently, although I'm kind of scared that it could come back to hit me at any time. I'm going to see a psychiatrist on Tuesday, which hopefully will provide some answers.
Regarding journaling, I do that and I agree that it's a great thing to do... my only problem is that when I get upset I actually stop doing it... writing it and then reading it can be very... depressing in itself and I haven't had a good experience of it. I will try though.
I'll keep you updated. Again, thanks for listening. Thanks for caring.
~James
Hello my name is Regina, obviously.
So I really need to get this out of me because there is no one else for me to talk to and i'm too embarassed to blog about this on my myspace or facebook. I just don't want people i know feeling sympathy for me or feeling like i am a ***** that always whines about her issues.
So I really need to get this out of me because there is no one else for me to talk to and i'm too embarassed to blog about this on my myspace or facebook. I just don't want people i know feeling sympathy for me or feeling like i am a ***** that always whines about her issues.
Anyways it's tuesday and since saturday I have cried every single day. The reason is simply because i have a brother with an extremely ugly personality. I have been making plans with my friends to go to NYC, and he states "I hope you get raped". This, might I add, is just an exert from the many many many insults i recieve from him. I will be talking and he would go "shut up i'm not talking to you", or "shut up i don't want to listen to you". I am not a submissive person, you tell me to shut up with such disrespect than anger overtakes me. Of course over the past few months i have grown a little stronger but for some reason this week has really done it for me. Lately I have punched a hole in the wall and broken the door.. i don't hit him of course because what will that do to me if i end up in jail or worse from my hate towards him. Oh by the way i really do hate him, don't tell me he is my brother i should love him unconditionally, noo - i hate that boy. He has ruined my life.
Also my mother cant do absolutely anything to stop him. He is just as rude and disrespectfull to her as he is to me, except for she is more forgiving. She believes him when he apologizes and they are all happy making jokes the next minute. I, on the other hand, do not believe any of his apologies because i know that the very next day he will say something so disgusting to me that will just get me in fumes again. So basically i try to ignore him, but that is impossible. I lose my temper so easily with him, i hate it.
When you see me around my friends i am a loving person, i am never angry. I feel like when i'm at home i am a totally different person. I really do hate my brother.. i just can't stand living with him. I don't know what to do anymore, and i'm so tired of crying over him.
Thanks for taking the time to read this
hi!
welcome =) feel free to talk to me anytime! im always willing to listen.
welcome =) feel free to talk to me anytime! im always willing to listen.
Hi Ilyregina,
I am so happy that you have decided to join us. I am sorry for what you are going through. I think that you do best when you ignore your brother. And try not to let him get to you. He has to be pretty miserable himself when he has to put others down in order to feel good. So he is really not a happy camper, though he might try to act like it.
Try not to take things out on yourself by breaking things or doors. You are only hurting yourself and it is making him happy. He got to you and that is his goal.
You can do this. Don't let him get you down. We are here for you. Keep posting.
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
~James
Hello and welcome to HealingWell, I am Kitt and it looks like you got some good advice from the members.
You will find the members of HW are wise and wonderful and so willing to support you. We know where your coming from and what you are going through so please keep posting.
Again a warm welcome.
Kitt~
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& Moderator GERD Forums
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& Moderator GERD Forums
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources
Just to let you know kitt this post was made in 2005 :P regina just bumped it though, 12000 posts!! well done :D
Hi Regina,
Welcome. I am so sorry to hear about your jerk brother. I kinda had a similar situation when I was growing up. My brother would brutally beat me & my sister on a daily basis. My dad would just say "boys will be boys" and my mom denied everything and put turtlenecks & makeup on my sister & me to hide the marks, threatening us if we ever told anyone what he did b/c anyways "he was sorry & it will never happen again". Within a day or two he was back doing the same thing, but by then she was completely denying the previous incident even happened. I was also told by someone not to react to him & that things would get better. That advice was not good advice in my case. Things got even worse.
Listen to your gut. As much as possible, stay away from him. Join clubs/sports, go to the library, go to the mall, stay with friends, do whatever you can & are allowed to do to limit the time you're around him. Maybe you can work something out with your parents & a friend's parents so whenever things get too overwhelming at home, you can go spend the night with a trusted friend.
A couple other options would be to call the Covenant House Nine Line (1-800-999-9999) or National Runaway Switchboard (1-800-RUNAWAY) [the line is for any youth in crisis situations, not just runaways]. The volunteers who staff those lines have a lot of training & experience in handling difficult situations and if you feel comfortable talking with them they might be able to help. You can call anytime day or night. Calls to both numbers are usually confidential, but if you agree to it, they do offer mediation services where 3-way calls can be set-up with a parent, the youth & a call center staff member to try to work out a good solution. They also can provide you with referrals to counselors in your area to try to work on the anger & depression. CovenantHouse.org even has info on free/low cost counselors on their website.
It really sounds like an unhealthy environment for you to be in. Please protect yourself. You are right to say that you shouldn't do anything to physically harm him (or anyone else for that matter). Maybe you can find something physical to do to work out some of your aggression -- running, aerobics, dance class, etc. Count down the days until you get to leave home for college/work. Keep focused on your goal & if things start to get dangerous please consider talking to a teacher or counselor so they can help get you safely out of that situation.
take care of yourself,
frances
Welcome. I am so sorry to hear about your jerk brother. I kinda had a similar situation when I was growing up. My brother would brutally beat me & my sister on a daily basis. My dad would just say "boys will be boys" and my mom denied everything and put turtlenecks & makeup on my sister & me to hide the marks, threatening us if we ever told anyone what he did b/c anyways "he was sorry & it will never happen again". Within a day or two he was back doing the same thing, but by then she was completely denying the previous incident even happened. I was also told by someone not to react to him & that things would get better. That advice was not good advice in my case. Things got even worse.
Listen to your gut. As much as possible, stay away from him. Join clubs/sports, go to the library, go to the mall, stay with friends, do whatever you can & are allowed to do to limit the time you're around him. Maybe you can work something out with your parents & a friend's parents so whenever things get too overwhelming at home, you can go spend the night with a trusted friend.
A couple other options would be to call the Covenant House Nine Line (1-800-999-9999) or National Runaway Switchboard (1-800-RUNAWAY) [the line is for any youth in crisis situations, not just runaways]. The volunteers who staff those lines have a lot of training & experience in handling difficult situations and if you feel comfortable talking with them they might be able to help. You can call anytime day or night. Calls to both numbers are usually confidential, but if you agree to it, they do offer mediation services where 3-way calls can be set-up with a parent, the youth & a call center staff member to try to work out a good solution. They also can provide you with referrals to counselors in your area to try to work on the anger & depression. CovenantHouse.org even has info on free/low cost counselors on their website.
It really sounds like an unhealthy environment for you to be in. Please protect yourself. You are right to say that you shouldn't do anything to physically harm him (or anyone else for that matter). Maybe you can find something physical to do to work out some of your aggression -- running, aerobics, dance class, etc. Count down the days until you get to leave home for college/work. Keep focused on your goal & if things start to get dangerous please consider talking to a teacher or counselor so they can help get you safely out of that situation.
take care of yourself,
frances
Does your brother abuse you physically? If so, I would consider some of the things that Frances suggested. I didn't realize that it could be that bad. If that is the case, you do need to do something for your own safety.
Let us know how bad it really is. We are here to support you. Also migth have more ideas for you too.
Keep posting,
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
Let us know how bad it really is. We are here to support you. Also migth have more ideas for you too.
Keep posting,
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
I don't know if this is the right thing to be doing... but I feel like I need to talk to someone and I don't have anyone that I feel like I can open up to... I don't know what is wrong with me because I have no reason to be upset or angry or anything... but I cry myself to sleep just about every night, I have to drag myself out of bed every morning and I find it so hard to find any enjoyment. I am annoyed at the simplest of things, I doubt everyone and everything and I am constantly second guessing myself... I just feel like I am drowning here and I don't understand... I can't pinpoint when this all started, I have no idea why... but I am sick of burying my face in my pillow at night praying that no one will hear me as I sob myself to sleep... what do I do? How can I stop this? I want to be happy... but... I feel like I've forgotten how...
I'm sorry if this was a waste of your time... I just... I thought it might help if... if I let some of it out... I guess I just don't know what to say or where to start or... I don't know...
I'm sorry if this was a waste of your time... I just... I thought it might help if... if I let some of it out... I guess I just don't know what to say or where to start or... I don't know...