depression leading to anger

CheerDad April 29, 2006, 3:54am 1

Life's circumstances have really gotten me down lately and find myself getting angry over the littlest things. It is taking everthing I have learned to cope with these events but still find the anger seeping through. I really want to be able to go through the divorce without seeking vengance and be vindictive, but it seems like every conversation I have with my exwife only points me in a direction to be less amicable as we try to settle the assests and debts of our marriage. Thanks for letting me vent. I know that I need to keep expressing these feelings rather than shove them into a hole for them to fester and become emotional poison.

We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

Randy

_{Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating:}_{http://www.healingwell.com/donate/}

Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12. Symptoms since age 5.

Learning to live with this Disease rather than be its victim after 40 years.

Nanse April 29, 2006, 1:10pm 2

Randy,

What could be more normal than feeling anger during a divorce. You have every right to every one of your emotions. Feel it; it's okay. Put off acting on it. If at any time you feel angry during talking about the assets, etc. then give yourself a break by saying "I need to think about this some more."

That way you can experience the anger and then have a less stressful environment to decide how you want to respond. This is about you, too, and if you need time then you need time.

Of course come here and vent all you want to. We understand you are angry and hurting and we're here for you when you want us.

((gentle hugs))

Nanse

els April 29, 2006, 2:06pm 3

Randy, Your anger is perfectly understandable. I was just like that too when I was going through my divorce as was my ex husband. It was devastating to know that someone that I loved so much couldn't be there for me emotionally like he should of been, like he promised he would be. While trying to be amicable and divide up property and possessions between us it just didn't work as we always ended up arguing and one of us getting mad at the other. So, we went the route of communicating through our lawyers and fighting for everything that way. I had moved out of the house we bought when we got married and only took my clothes and basic necessities when I left. After many months of this I finally just said enuf I just wanted out and for it to be over and gave him everything.

Divorce is so hard and especially with you having worked for the past 3 years on fixing the problems in your marriage to have that turn to this end result. Take care and we are here for you....

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

CheerDad April 30, 2006, 5:47am 4

Thanks for the insights. I moved out 2 1/2 years ago and finally said that enough is enough too. One of the most difficult things is to listen to my soon to be ex playing the victim and not getting dragged into that pit of poison. I know that each time I follow her into that path, I give her all my power and am really working at staying in the present and keeping the perspective of what she feels and says is her own issue and I need to stay where I know it is healthy for me and putting on my emotional armor and marching to battle is not what I want or choose to do. The difficulty is that every time we talk, I am less willing to settle and want to ensure I get all that I am entitled to. Stating that I need time to think about it is a great way to remove myself from the conflict and allowing me to center myself again and know that I am acting how I choose and not reacting to the situation. Thanks again, I am soooooo glad I found HW.

ShynSassy April 30, 2006, 2:32pm 5

Hi Randy
Divorce is so hard in every way. I became a person that I thought I could never be when I finally left my husband. In fact I was quite amazed that I could say and do the things I did. I had been so submissive and took everything that he gave and usually did not talk back as I did not want the scenes to be worse. Then the day I walked out of him I became so angry,and just wanted him out of my life.
The day I will never forget was in my mom's front yard...he came over running his mouth like usual threated again to take the kids and run ect ect. Then he pushed me causing me to fall onto a brick wall that was about ankle high. I saw red,and got up and punched him right in the nose. I just stood there totally amazed that I did it,and was at first mad at myself for doing it as I am not a violent person like him. But then I was proud of myself for a split second,until I looked over at my kids then I felt shame.
He had no idea what to do,just grabbed his nose and looked at me and said "I can not believe that you hit me back".
For about 2 years I fought with the anger...he basically made my life a living hell,and I played right into his hands with the anger.
It is so hard as you remember how you felt during the marriage and you blame that person. Then you just want out and it seems as though they are doing everything they can to stall it.
Even when you walk away it takes a long time to get over it.

shynsassy@healingwell.net

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

james_macdonald May 1, 2006, 2:27am 6

Randy , I cannot understand what you are going thru ,but my thoughts are with you ...I have had friends go thru this process and they have all said when things start to boil over and the anger and vengence comes thru ,just let the lawyers handle the leg work ..I know it is im-personal but it may save you alot of un-necessary pain

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

karen_in_north_idaho May 3, 2006, 6:50am 7

When I married my husband he had some baggage... an ex-wife! So now I basically have an ex-wife and oh my goodness...I dream of beating her up and I wish she would pass away. I have never experienced such hatred... But I guess life goes on and when I feel like my life is miserable I can always look at my Ex-wife's life and it never fails to be 100x worse than mine! Also when my husband and I are fighting she'll do something stupid or mean and we band together like allies!!! She is good entertainment, but the price is high!
Take care,
Karen in north Idaho