Hi MySamCat, and welcome. My name is Renee. I have been living with Bi-polar disorder for 20 years. One thing I have learned is that if you stay on your meds it isn't so bad. Getting off your meds, even if you think you feel ok and don't need them, is the worse thing you can do. It will make your symptoms come back even worse. It may take awhile to find what combination of meds work for you, so you must be patient...a hard thing to do when your world is falling apart. Once you get your disease under control, no one will even know you have it!! I hope you have a supportive family or close friends, mine have been the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.. If you don't and feel you need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me..I won't judge you and believe me I've been through it all!!! My E-mail is americanvet63@cox.net. If you don't feel comfortable with that just reply to my post..anyway good luck and don't worry it's really not the end of the world, even though it may feel like it. You're not alone 
!! By the way I'm a cat person too, I volunteer at the local animal shelter in the cattery!!
Your friend,
Renee
We can all Unite in Spirit...
You are definately not alone. You didn't post about your irl situation, but you have alot of company here. We've all been through the depressions. Not a fun thing but once endured there is a future. There is also help.
Are you on meds? Seeing a Dr.? Just deciding to pull yourself together is probably not going to work. Thats something my ex always told me to do. Just pull it together. Sure didn't work for me. I spend a decade trying to take his advice. Wrecked my life pretty good too. Professional help can pull you out of that darkness.
Don't let it go too far. You deserve better.
Take care
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.