I am feeling very blue today. I woke this morning from a dream that included one of my late husbands, it was so real. My body was excruciating with pain(FMS), I feel maybe I was so tensed up in dream. Who knows? I feel like I have to hold back tears in front of my newest Angel(new hubby), afraid of hurting his feelings, like he's less of my last hubby or something. That's the furthest from the truth. He is just that "My newest Angel". It has been 10 yrs this month since my last loss and 20 yrs this yr from loss of my first hubby. Loss my Mom in between. aaaaaaggggggghhhhhh.........I am on Cymbalta, Wellbutrin SR, Trazadone, Lunesta for depression. I cry almost daily recently either missing my late loved ones or feeling guilty about not being able to work and all I do is create medical bills. I hate that I can't work daily. Hubby just says we will be ok. But I know that we are sinking into a black hole called debt. Please tell me what anyone of you know about grieving. Today I feel like I am loosing it, I have a Psych appt. on the 15th. I know I can count on my friends here for some sharing. Please send prayers this way. I am feeling very blue today. I woke this morning from a dream that included one of my late husbands, it was so real. My body was excruciating with pain(FMS), I feel maybe I was so tensed up in dream. Who knows? I feel like I have to hold back tears in front of my newest Angel(new hubby), afraid of hurting his feelings, like he's less of my last hubby or something. That's the furthest from the truth. He is just that "My newest Angel". It has been 10 yrs this month since my last loss and 20 yrs this yr from loss of my first hubby. Loss my Mom in between. aaaaaaggggggghhhhhh.........I am on Cymbalta, Wellbutrin SR, Trazadone, Lunesta for depression. I cry almost daily recently either missing my late loved ones or feeling guilty about not being able to work and all I do is create medical bills. I hate that I can't work daily. Hubby just says we will be ok. But I know that we are sinking into a black hole called debt. Please tell me what anyone of you know about grieving. Today I feel like I am loosing it, I have a Psych appt. on the 15th. I know I can count on my friends here for some sharing. Please send prayers this way. Be blessed!!
~Kathy~
I don't think you can say that grief lasts a certain amount of time. We are all different and all need to grieve in our own way for as long as it is right for each of us. I think anniversaries are particularly difficult times when it is easy to feel pain that perhaps we thought was gone. These people were important in your life and will always have a place within you. Cut yourself a little slack and just go with it. Cry if you need to, go out and take a walk, do what is right for you. If you husband is truly your angel (and I am not saying that he isn't) he will understand what you are feeling. Talk to him. You have already taken positive steps to be in control of your grief by calling for an appointment and coming here for support.
Thanks stronglady4me, he does understand, he was actually the one to say call for an appt. I just hate for him to see me crying over late hubbies.(it's a my guilt thingy, I guess) Since I previously posted I gave thought to perhaps why the dream and crying with pain. Maybe subconciously I know this is one death anniversary month. I don't know what's going through my mind. Again, thanks for your words of encouragement.
~Kathy~
Hi Cajunbrat,
I think the grieving process differs from person to person. You are bound to still have thoughts about loved ones you have lost. Your husband should understand how hard it is too lose loved ones and you shouldn't feel guilty - it doesn't make you love him any less.
I cry all the time for the people I have lost. Anniversaries are especially difficult. Four years ago my best friend was murdered, she was 19. I still think of ehr every day and sometimes can cry every days too. I know it will get easier in time but for some people it just takes longer. Some people never get over their grief but can control it.
I'm glad you have a psych appointement. Maybe some counselling will help unresolved issues you have with your grief and help with guilt issues you have. To me it doesnt sound like you have anything to feel guilty about.
My step mum is 57 and she lost her mum when she was 25. She still struggles with this and has a lot of unresolved issues about it. You are not alone with your feelings and thoughts believe me.
Take care and good luck with the appointment
Victoria
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age
I think the grieving process differs from person to person. You are bound to still have thoughts about loved ones you have lost. Your husband should understand how hard it is too lose loved ones and you shouldn't feel guilty - it doesn't make you love him any less.
I cry all the time for the people I have lost. Anniversaries are especially difficult. Four years ago my best friend was murdered, she was 19. I still think of ehr every day and sometimes can cry every days too. I know it will get easier in time but for some people it just takes longer. Some people never get over their grief but can control it.
I'm glad you have a psych appointement. Maybe some counselling will help unresolved issues you have with your grief and help with guilt issues you have. To me it doesnt sound like you have anything to feel guilty about.
My step mum is 57 and she lost her mum when she was 25. She still struggles with this and has a lot of unresolved issues about it. You are not alone with your feelings and thoughts believe me.
Take care and good luck with the appointment
Victoria
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age