Okay, after 20 mile bike ride I blew up with my brother, to me he was not accepting responbility for losing the house, not keeping a job, not keeping the house clean, and drinking sneakingly. He actually try to blame me for something that was corrected, by me with my nephew. When I asked let him stay with me, I called him a alcoholic, a drunk, and told him the above reasons I was praying for the words to come in a quiet peaceful matter, it never did happend. He told me I backdoored him. I responded still drinking I see. It hurts, someone needed to say the words, I just gotten fed up. I refused to let him take me back to that dark place I was when my mom died. I know I am in the wrong chat room. But thanks to you and others I finally said the word that needed to be said.
ALCOHOLIC I will asked my nephew does he wants to stay with me and try to get him help, and I will be his place of refuge. Boy! does this hurt, right now. I know I am not the only member with this problem but I feel like I am.
Thank you again, for letting me vent.
WOO HOO, Zorna hear her roar!! Good for you girl!! Sometimes you need to take the direct road. How was tiptoeing around the issue helping your brother and your nephew? It wasn't. It took real love and courage to take the direct road. We all need to be able to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of each other. You have nothing to feel bad for and sometimes it just comes down to s**t happens and we go one.
Yes, this hurts but you had reason to get fed up.
Of course this is the right place to post this because you came here before. That means that we are invested in what happens to you and would worry if you didn't keep us updated.
Yes, this hurts but you had reason to get fed up.
Of course this is the right place to post this because you came here before. That means that we are invested in what happens to you and would worry if you didn't keep us updated.
Sometimes we have to "loose it" in order to take care of ourselves, in order to get our power back and say the words that we know to be true. Getting stepped on, taken advantage of and put through the wringer can only go on for so long - we finally hit overload - and today was YOUR day! Congratulations!
It is very empowering to stand toe to toe with someone who is damaging us and have our say (for a change) without holding back or mincing words. Your brother needs to be responsible for his actions and behaviors. You can't fix his life, or him - he'll have to do that for himself when he is ready.
You did really good today. Hang in there. Don't let him drag you down or use you up ... Never Again.
Hi Zorna,
Right there with Strong and Wmnak! -- I know you must feel terrible right now, but you've been tiptoeing so much and your brother's had too much of a wall up for that to make any difference to him. Maybe some of *this* will get through. I agree that this came out like it did because you feel so strongly -- and that's because you love him. It sounds like without help he has a great propensity with his depression to blame others for his situation -- and that, of course, will include you (*whatever* you do or say). We'll never feel ok when we've spoken harsh words to someone we love (however true), but please remember that sometimes a bit of a "shock" is needed to help break the pattern. You didn't say any of this stuff to hurt your brother: you said it because watching him destroying himself and things around him is hurting you deeply.
Take care Zorna. Try to give yourself a break -- maybe step back now that you've got this out and see how things pan out for a bit.
Rosie x
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Right there with Strong and Wmnak! -- I know you must feel terrible right now, but you've been tiptoeing so much and your brother's had too much of a wall up for that to make any difference to him. Maybe some of *this* will get through. I agree that this came out like it did because you feel so strongly -- and that's because you love him. It sounds like without help he has a great propensity with his depression to blame others for his situation -- and that, of course, will include you (*whatever* you do or say). We'll never feel ok when we've spoken harsh words to someone we love (however true), but please remember that sometimes a bit of a "shock" is needed to help break the pattern. You didn't say any of this stuff to hurt your brother: you said it because watching him destroying himself and things around him is hurting you deeply.
Take care Zorna. Try to give yourself a break -- maybe step back now that you've got this out and see how things pan out for a bit.
Rosie x
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People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
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Zorna,
I just posted to your other house posting before reading this one. I am proud of you for standing up to your brother. It actually takes a lot of love to do something like this, as it is much easier to try to solve their problems than to watch them hit rock bottom.
Being there for your nephew is wonderful of you - truly. I am the child of an alcoholic, and knowing there is a port in the storm where it is safe, and you are understood and not judged because of who and what your parents are is a huge help. Make sure he has information about al-anon/alateen. They can be a big sorce of strength for your nephew.
Do not let yourself feel guilty or the least bit unloving for finally speaking out to your brother. You have done what you needed to do, and you should never accept guilt from an alcoholic. We do not owe it to them to walk on eggshells around their problems. I'm sure you have great relief from finally speaking your mind!
Good for you!
Cliche
I just posted to your other house posting before reading this one. I am proud of you for standing up to your brother. It actually takes a lot of love to do something like this, as it is much easier to try to solve their problems than to watch them hit rock bottom.
Being there for your nephew is wonderful of you - truly. I am the child of an alcoholic, and knowing there is a port in the storm where it is safe, and you are understood and not judged because of who and what your parents are is a huge help. Make sure he has information about al-anon/alateen. They can be a big sorce of strength for your nephew.
Do not let yourself feel guilty or the least bit unloving for finally speaking out to your brother. You have done what you needed to do, and you should never accept guilt from an alcoholic. We do not owe it to them to walk on eggshells around their problems. I'm sure you have great relief from finally speaking your mind!
Good for you!
Cliche
Yes, It is a great relief, although it did not feel that good at the time. My brother gave my consent to take my nephew to counseling. I did asked him again to go, he said no, but I made him promised he would think about it. And I promised him I would continue to ask him about it. I know my journey with my brother is not over and its a long road ahead. Thanks again everyone.
Zorna,don't feel bad for what you said ....I wish someone had been like that with me before I almost completly ruined my life ,I am now almost 5 years sober and it took my wife blowing at e like thta to realize my problem and yes zorna I am an alcoholic ,proud of it, no!!just proud that i am not drinking .....hope your family member gets better
J
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
It is my experience that as scary as the thought of therapy is for us it is ten times scarier for teens. We only have ourselves and our families to worry about but teenagers live and die on the opinions of their friends, much more so than what their families have to say. For a teen to have a "friend" find out about going to therapy it would have to be someone they could have absolute trust in. If someone else found out and spread it around it could really be a setback. Give your nephew time. Chances are that his knowing that you are there for him will bring him around in time. He doesn't have anything else to compare his life to. If he can get a sense that life can be different when someone is there to love and take care of him, he may begin to understand that his life does not have to the the way it has been with an alcoholic parent. In the meantime, do some reading on children and adult children of alcoholic parents. There are usually 4 personality types that they fall into and it may give you some insight into how your nephew is dealing with things.
Alanon?
Hi rybird, Alanon and Alateen is a network of support groups geared toward the family members effected by someone close to them drinking...you can Google it for more info
My point exactly.