i'm having a rough day today. i knew it was going to be a rough day when I woke up I felt tired already, like i didn't sleep good last night and I just can't seem to get going today. i get to work the boss is still out and i only had a little bit today which cause a bit of anxiety cause I think how the heck am i going to fill the next 7 hours of my day. it's been a long day and i am so ready to get home and relax as much as i can. just wanted to say hello. feeling a bit down and out today so i'm going to go.
Hi Angel, Curtiss & Rosie,
I can relate to your post Angel. Got a similar story to yours. The ptsd, panic attacks w/ suicide ideation along with the depression is alot, to say the least. All of this is not my fault!!! It is a biological response to trauma in the body. Not my choice either. I think other people are not going to ever really going to understand unless they experience this type of thing first hand. I can really understand what Curtiss is saying. I don't know if I'll truly get better or if this is as good as it will get, but even in the midst of horrible and excrutiating mental and sometimes physical pain I fight to not give into the ideation. I know if I give into the ideation I will probably be sucessful. What helped me first was thinking of people who loved me. Then using that image along with tremendous amounts of prayer, sometimes from others because I couldn't pray myself (too much self hatred), to get myself through the day or the afternoon. I try to make it a discipline in the middle of the battle to take on one part of the day at a time, not the full day, not the week. It try to identify where the anxiety is coming from. Anxiety bites!
That is the most difficult thing to do.... It is hard for me to see the forrest from the trees. So what seems absolutely logical and resonable to others is like climbing a mountain for me. It is difficult and sometimes treacherous. I have to be absolutely honest with others, most importantly with myself, that is actually the hardest thing for me, and at the same time be guarded and watchful so I am safe. I don't sleep well either and around 5p.m. it catches up with me so I try to prepare for it by taking a bath or a walk, if I can, getting dinner early so I can set myself of for sucess as opposed to disaster. When this doesn't work I journal, call a friend, ask for prayer put on some uplifting music, whatever it takes.
When I used to teach kindergarten I would say if you can't get in through the front door, try the back or climb through a window! I hope what I'm writting makes sense. And mostly I hope to keep on having hope because hope does have it's reasons.
netty
I can relate to your post Angel. Got a similar story to yours. The ptsd, panic attacks w/ suicide ideation along with the depression is alot, to say the least. All of this is not my fault!!! It is a biological response to trauma in the body. Not my choice either. I think other people are not going to ever really going to understand unless they experience this type of thing first hand. I can really understand what Curtiss is saying. I don't know if I'll truly get better or if this is as good as it will get, but even in the midst of horrible and excrutiating mental and sometimes physical pain I fight to not give into the ideation. I know if I give into the ideation I will probably be sucessful. What helped me first was thinking of people who loved me. Then using that image along with tremendous amounts of prayer, sometimes from others because I couldn't pray myself (too much self hatred), to get myself through the day or the afternoon. I try to make it a discipline in the middle of the battle to take on one part of the day at a time, not the full day, not the week. It try to identify where the anxiety is coming from. Anxiety bites!
That is the most difficult thing to do.... It is hard for me to see the forrest from the trees. So what seems absolutely logical and resonable to others is like climbing a mountain for me. It is difficult and sometimes treacherous. I have to be absolutely honest with others, most importantly with myself, that is actually the hardest thing for me, and at the same time be guarded and watchful so I am safe. I don't sleep well either and around 5p.m. it catches up with me so I try to prepare for it by taking a bath or a walk, if I can, getting dinner early so I can set myself of for sucess as opposed to disaster. When this doesn't work I journal, call a friend, ask for prayer put on some uplifting music, whatever it takes.
When I used to teach kindergarten I would say if you can't get in through the front door, try the back or climb through a window! I hope what I'm writting makes sense. And mostly I hope to keep on having hope because hope does have it's reasons.
netty
Angel,
I am like you . . . if there is not enough to do, the day is Sooooooo long. I hope you feel more rested tomorrow. Doing something physical usually helps that drained feeling . . . unless you have chronic illness.
Hi Netty,
Your post made perfect sense to me . . . those are some really good coping skills!!!
Blessings!
In His Grip,
I am like you . . . if there is not enough to do, the day is Sooooooo long. I hope you feel more rested tomorrow. Doing something physical usually helps that drained feeling . . . unless you have chronic illness.
Hi Netty,
Your post made perfect sense to me . . . those are some really good coping skills!!!
Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel
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TA,
One thing you need to know is that spouses like others have no idea what we are going through. All they can see is how we are, how we act and how we react. They don't know what's gong on inside. Tht's why they question our moods and why we are unhappy. Maybe you should sit and think about your feelings and write him a simple note and let him know what's inside and how you feel. Sometimes words speak lounder on paper then in person.
"Lefty"
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.
Amen Lefty!!!
Actually, I have done that for hubby and for family . . . it has been a long while, but it really made an impact. I simply let them know how I felt and how they could help. Before that, I don't even know if I knew what I needed.
Blessings!
In His Grip,
Actually, I have done that for hubby and for family . . . it has been a long while, but it really made an impact. I simply let them know how I felt and how they could help. Before that, I don't even know if I knew what I needed.
Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel
Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
I don't know if anyone else does this, but when I am down/depressed I tend to write; Poems, short stories, whatever pops into my head. Its usually on the darker side hense my mood anyway here's one i just wrote it's ok.
Darkened wings
Darkened eyes
Darkened soul
feeling hallow
Running nowhere
running fast feeling
breathless will this last.
The pain I feel deep inside
makes me wonder and question
why
wanting and waiting
for the hurt to lift
wanting and waiting
for a greater gift
a gift of love, hope, and peace
a gift of deep and peaceful sleep
a gift of happiness with no more
tears.
I don't like the ending so much but its just something I jotted down a few minutes ago.
Darkened wings
Darkened eyes
Darkened soul
feeling hallow
Running nowhere
running fast feeling
breathless will this last.
The pain I feel deep inside
makes me wonder and question
why
wanting and waiting
for the hurt to lift
wanting and waiting
for a greater gift
a gift of love, hope, and peace
a gift of deep and peaceful sleep
a gift of happiness with no more
tears.
I don't like the ending so much but its just something I jotted down a few minutes ago.
good day all just an update. i went to my first session last night. It went ok. it was a little overwhelming. I realize that i have a lot of work ahead of me. i'm going to do it though. i'm ready to push these deamonds out or at least tuck them in the very back corner of my mind. It was a lot of paper work mainly and then we touched on a few things that have been bothering me. We're probably going to work on my medication a bit because even she said i shouldn't be feeling so much anxiety and depression when taking zoloft so that's something we're going to touch on next week. I see her again in a week and it's a little comforting in a way knowing i'm going to go back in a week. I actually look forward to it. Is that strange? She seems nice enough. I'm just really ready to make some strong positive changes in my life and one thing she told me is that only I can make me happy. That i shouldn't worry so much about making other people happy that I should do what makes me happy. I agree and that's what I want to do but it's hard to do that when your so down and unhappy with yourself. I know I'll get there I just have to think positive. That's my plan, think positive.
Wow Angel!!
Sounds like you are headed in the right direction!! Woooo Hoooo!!
I don't think its strange to look forward to next week. All through the week you can look forward to what you will talk about. Just don't leave out the stuff that you really don't want to talk about. Those issues are usually key!!
Thanks for the update sis!!
Blessings!
In His Grip,
Sounds like you are headed in the right direction!! Woooo Hoooo!!
I don't think its strange to look forward to next week. All through the week you can look forward to what you will talk about. Just don't leave out the stuff that you really don't want to talk about. Those issues are usually key!!
Thanks for the update sis!!
Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel
Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
Having a bit of trouble with my M.D. Like Angel my PSy. is nice enogh but her eyes got sleepy in therapy. I'm really ticked off. Say a little prayer for me. I see her in 15 min. Agh! I hate the confrontation as I'm usually more compliant by nature.
Gotta run thanks,
netty
Gotta run thanks,
netty
hi everyone. it's been a couple of days. Rough days actually. I came down with a pretty bad UTI over the weekend. Had to leave work friday morning it was so bad. Monday I just couldn't drag myself out of bed. Oh i got up but the anxiety and dread I felt having to go to work was to much. I ended up staying home and having a pretty rough day, but I"m a bit better today it seems every day is different for me. I'm either really up or I'm really really down or numb. No two days are a like any more. Today I'm in good spirits. I asked god last night before I went to sleep just to put my worries and thoughts at rest and to ease my my mind so I could have a peaceful nights sleep. Something I haven't had in a while and sure enough. I went to sleep pretty easily I had to push my thoughts aside and I slept all the way until my alarm went off. That's an accomplishment for me. Nights are rough sometimes I just can't get my mind to shut down completely like it should so it makes for a restful night sleep. anyway, i'm better today. no tears no negative thoughts but like anything else that can change at the drop of a hat. Right now I'm content and stabble.
Oh Angel
boy do i know where your coming from. That was me about a month ago. i'd be totally numb like i was in a dark hole and couldn't climb out or i'd just be getting by. Some days were impossible and i'd sleep. It gets better. I had a rough time with med's at first then it finally kicked in and i had a little window of hope which grew. i loved your poem by the way and i liked the way it ended.........
i'm trying to get myself to believe in a hope for the future even on a bad day. i would repeat to myself that this will pass even if i did't believe it.
i'm so glad you had a good day... it's a good medicine.
netty
boy do i know where your coming from. That was me about a month ago. i'd be totally numb like i was in a dark hole and couldn't climb out or i'd just be getting by. Some days were impossible and i'd sleep. It gets better. I had a rough time with med's at first then it finally kicked in and i had a little window of hope which grew. i loved your poem by the way and i liked the way it ended.........
i'm trying to get myself to believe in a hope for the future even on a bad day. i would repeat to myself that this will pass even if i did't believe it.
i'm so glad you had a good day... it's a good medicine.
netty
hey netty thanks. I'm glad you liked the poem. Today is an ok day nothing bad happening but nothing to terrific, but i'm more stabble today than I have been. I feel that way at least. I go to my counseling tomorrow. I know I'll be worn out from that after its over but I need to continue with it no matter what. Its time to regain control of my life. That's what I keep telling myself. If I come up with any more poems I'll share them with y'all. haven't had a writting mood in a few days. How are you doing lately?
Yesterday was kinda rough. A friend of mine is dealing with a real tragic death. Talking with her, crying with her, she is so traumatised. And I can so relate as I have lots of trauma stuff too. It just got to me. I'm like you o.k. for now and trying not to emotionally eat myself into oblivion! I even slept yesterday. Wow... trying to develope spiritually as i realise i'm lacking! The writting mood will come back. I love it when anything like that happens to me.
netty
netty
real down today. no one thing causing it just a lot of things. My brain feels overloaded today. I'm just trying to make it to the end of the day today. I just wish that each day was emotionally the same. No two days are alike though and I guess if they were life would get rather dull after a while but still it would be nice to be emotionally stabble and take things for what they are. I worry to much. that's a big problem of mine. I over analize to much and you might say I make mountains out of mole hills when their isn't any reason to do so. The last couple of days were good. I don't know why I feel down today. I just do. I didn't wake up in a bad mood and nothing has really happened to put me in this mood, but I guess that's part of being depressed. You'll have a couple of good days and then bam for whatever reason your down again. I hate that.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend and the trouble she is having. I can relate though my grandmother and grandfather passed away recently and I had a miscarriage all within a year of each other. Its a lot for any one to handle but it seems some of us are just prone to a more trying lifestyle you might say. each day is its own challeng. I know I'm down today. I had to make myself eat my lunch and I wasn't even all that hungry. I didn't exactly enjoy it either. Its weird when your down your whole system seems to go with you. i better go.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend and the trouble she is having. I can relate though my grandmother and grandfather passed away recently and I had a miscarriage all within a year of each other. Its a lot for any one to handle but it seems some of us are just prone to a more trying lifestyle you might say. each day is its own challeng. I know I'm down today. I had to make myself eat my lunch and I wasn't even all that hungry. I didn't exactly enjoy it either. Its weird when your down your whole system seems to go with you. i better go.
Its me again. I can't seem to focus straight on anything today. My mind is everywhere but where it needs to be at work. I hate days like that. If I could just get up and walk around a while I'd feel so much better. I do have a bit of good news. I went for an interview at a local public library yesterday afternoon. I know some of y'all might not think that's such a good idea but trust me it is unless I don't get this job then well anyway, I went and I felt pretty good about things. I'm hoping to hear something good next week. I miss working at a library. Its what I truly enjoy.
anyway, I'll keep you posted. Yep, i do still enjoy reading but I can't read as long as I used to maybe a page or two here and there it takes me forever to finish a book some can sit and read for hours not me. I do hope it works out though.
anyway, I'll keep you posted. Yep, i do still enjoy reading but I can't read as long as I used to maybe a page or two here and there it takes me forever to finish a book some can sit and read for hours not me. I do hope it works out though.
laughing out loud lol I guess I need to proof read what I right that was pretty bad no periods, commas, not much puncuation at all lol. I'll pay closer attention next time. I write how I think I suppose it kind of all runs together lol
Hello Angel,
You sound better as the day goes on. I hope you get the library job!! It's great when you get to do the thing that you really enjoy!!
I can't read too long either . . . but I get lots of books on tape from the library. I keep them in my car mostly. Lots of times I have half hour at a time in the car to listen. What used to be wasted time (driving) is now spent reading (listening to) good books.
Keep us posted!!
Blessings!
In His Grip,
You sound better as the day goes on. I hope you get the library job!! It's great when you get to do the thing that you really enjoy!!
I can't read too long either . . . but I get lots of books on tape from the library. I keep them in my car mostly. Lots of times I have half hour at a time in the car to listen. What used to be wasted time (driving) is now spent reading (listening to) good books.
Keep us posted!!
Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel
Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
hey all
just a short note. i met with my counselor last night and we did an "invetory" of my feelings and symptoms and what not and I'm dealing with severe anxiety and severe depression. Not good. She was really conserned about that. She's recommending me to go see a psychatrist in the next couple of weeks. Someone she works closely with and trust completely to recommend her clients that have severe cases along with other medical issues as I have. It scared me a bit when we were talking about it, but I do trust her and I know she wouldn't stear me in the wrong direction. Part of me was sitting there thinking gee I could've of told you that. Anyway, she's going to call me to today and let me know what she finds out. She also wants me to see one because he can write out prescriptions she doesn't think my zoloft is working at all. I haven't felt like it was for a while now. I just have so many pieces of the puzzle that I'm trying to put together that I'm feeling a little overloaded these days. gotta go.
just a short note. i met with my counselor last night and we did an "invetory" of my feelings and symptoms and what not and I'm dealing with severe anxiety and severe depression. Not good. She was really conserned about that. She's recommending me to go see a psychatrist in the next couple of weeks. Someone she works closely with and trust completely to recommend her clients that have severe cases along with other medical issues as I have. It scared me a bit when we were talking about it, but I do trust her and I know she wouldn't stear me in the wrong direction. Part of me was sitting there thinking gee I could've of told you that. Anyway, she's going to call me to today and let me know what she finds out. She also wants me to see one because he can write out prescriptions she doesn't think my zoloft is working at all. I haven't felt like it was for a while now. I just have so many pieces of the puzzle that I'm trying to put together that I'm feeling a little overloaded these days. gotta go.
having a rough day today. I'm so glad it's friday but I am so freakin anxious I can't stand it. I'm litterally about to bounce out of my seat. I hate sitting in front of this computer all day. today espically is hard for some reason. I keep hearing in my mind; severe depression and severe anxiety and pshcyatrist in my mind. I mean I know its all going to work out fine but i keep wondering where or how or why things got so bad and out of control for me. Today i feel so much better when I'm up and walking around. some days are like that some days I'm so anxious and bothered by things that just the act of sitting still can bother me. I constantly keep my foot moving or I shift a lot in my seat. I just don't get it. I really don't. I know I'm not a nut or a freak but wow. My husband was really concerned when I told him yesterday and i don't want him or my parents to think they had anything to do with my condition I really don't think they did. I just don't know any more than they do and I want to know more about me and why these things are happening to me. i'm frustrated with myself that I can't function like a "normal" person and i'm frustrated that I'll probably have to pop a pill for the rest of my life to remain stabble and i'm just plum frustrated with myself lately. God if i could just get up and walk out of work today I would. I don't feel like sitting here and dealing with this today I keep thinking I've got much more at stake here than rather or not my work gets done. I don't want to say anything to my boss. I mean I have mentioned to her that i was seeing a counselor but I don't want to let on how bad things really are. I just don't want that to get out around here.
anyway, I had to vent a little
why do we fight it
and continue to run
we hope and we pray
it can be undone.
our thoughts and our tears
are our most unbearable
fears. It causes us pain,
it causes us grieve and
causes to ask
why God, why me?
unaswered questions
unaswered prayers
our hopes and our dreams
don't seem quite real
Our only wish is to
be happy and free;
free of all the sadness
and misery
anyway, I had to vent a little
why do we fight it
and continue to run
we hope and we pray
it can be undone.
our thoughts and our tears
are our most unbearable
fears. It causes us pain,
it causes us grieve and
causes to ask
why God, why me?
unaswered questions
unaswered prayers
our hopes and our dreams
don't seem quite real
Our only wish is to
be happy and free;
free of all the sadness
and misery
Hi Angel,
Well . . . if "popping a pill everyday" could make things better . . . why not? That would be a REAL solution.
I understand your poem. But we live in a fallen world. What you are dreaming of is heaven.
I hope things go well with the new psych. I am relieved that they are really taking this seriously and trying some other med or combination of meds.
Keep us posted sis!!
Blessings!
In His Grip,
Well . . . if "popping a pill everyday" could make things better . . . why not? That would be a REAL solution.
I understand your poem. But we live in a fallen world. What you are dreaming of is heaven.
I hope things go well with the new psych. I am relieved that they are really taking this seriously and trying some other med or combination of meds.
Keep us posted sis!!
Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Metanx, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel
Please help HealingWell help others. Donate today: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/