Sis .Was told by Doc am in severe depression..DUH lol.........He put me on Effexor but am leary about it .......Really having rough time with Dad I dont know what is up with him but I am taking him to Doc's today........I also told the doc I have you and others to talk to when I get really down ,he has visited this site and believes it to be a great place .....Will call over the wknd....Love and Huggs..........God Bless.......Sis
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Let us be grateful to people who make us happy,they are the charming gardens that make souls bloom.........Lyn
Hi Lyn, Took wife out shopping this morn. I like to watch her eyes as she looks at children and women. At the check-out she was watching the girl. I said "She is trying to search something about you". The check-out girl said: "I know of her from my mom who worked with her years ago!" Two statments Jean made in her early stages of AD, I took on board. One when I tried to take her to visit a day centre for people with AD. It was a party day. At the entrance she refused to come in with me, even with coaxing from the with lady with whom I arranged the visit. We managed to get her to have tea in the garden. As we left I questioned why she was so very upset, telling her I had never seen her so. Her reply will forever pain me: "Your'er trying to put me away". Imagine the fear of these poor afflicted souls, fearing the day they are put away. I said at the time: "Never, what would do without you, sit on the lawn like a dog waiting for you". But I did do it, I have to live with that. The other thing she told me when trying to tell me something: "The words won't come out properly." Is it any wonder some people get agitated when they know what they want but the words won't form.
Padraig. May your God go with you.
Padraig. May your God go with you.
I can surely relate Padraig.......Thanks for you email I will get back to you am not feeling to good last couple of days ...I believe it is all catching up with me ......take care and a gentle hugg for you and your wife ....God Bless......Lyn
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Let us be grateful to people who make us happy,they are the charming gardens that make souls bloom.........Lyn
Hi Lyn,
So sorry to learn you are going through a rough patch, you will be in my prayers to-night. Life is great with Jean and I, I always try to live in the present. I can't change the past, but learn from it. The future is the unknown, if it becomes the present I am thankful. The present is the only thing that is real.
Rosie,
Thank you for your kind words, I don't know if I have never been spoken of in the terms you express. I must have never shaken off the abandoned stray that is part of me. I know people hug and kiss family members. It's not something I can do, once my children and grandchildren became old enough I never feel I have a right to. One or two of the grand daughters hug and kiss me even though they are over 20 it feels wonderful. Our daughter I adore never hugs me, I am sure she understands me. It comes from the lack of having anyone to turn to, being raised In Industrial Schools. There are so many advantages and blessings from it. My wife won me over a long time ago and like any abused stray I remain loyal and derive great pleasure tending to her every need.
I am not being ungrateful I find it hard to accept kindness.
May your God go with you.
Padraig.
So sorry to learn you are going through a rough patch, you will be in my prayers to-night. Life is great with Jean and I, I always try to live in the present. I can't change the past, but learn from it. The future is the unknown, if it becomes the present I am thankful. The present is the only thing that is real.
Rosie,
Thank you for your kind words, I don't know if I have never been spoken of in the terms you express. I must have never shaken off the abandoned stray that is part of me. I know people hug and kiss family members. It's not something I can do, once my children and grandchildren became old enough I never feel I have a right to. One or two of the grand daughters hug and kiss me even though they are over 20 it feels wonderful. Our daughter I adore never hugs me, I am sure she understands me. It comes from the lack of having anyone to turn to, being raised In Industrial Schools. There are so many advantages and blessings from it. My wife won me over a long time ago and like any abused stray I remain loyal and derive great pleasure tending to her every need.
I am not being ungrateful I find it hard to accept kindness.
May your God go with you.
Padraig.
Padraig .....just take a step back and think of someone else being you and doing what you are doing and being the way you are ...You will see my friend you deserve much love and huggs ......My family is not big on hugging and emotional showing but I do tell Cait at least once daily (no doubt many more times lol) that I love her and I am so proud of her.........she is hugged constantly......Here is another gentle hugg for you and Jean.......your happiness and love for one another is just so inspiring,,,,,,,,God Bless........Lyn
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Hi Lyn,
Each morn I'm up at 05.20 and can't wait to hug my wife. Breakfast for both of us, brush her teeth and wash all over then lay her down with special sponges in each hand she drifts off to sleep. I'm off for my run then, sit-ups, push-ups and weights, finish with shower. Cook dinner etc., cleaning, washing and all the work most men will never experience over years. Whenever I feel any of it is a bore, especialy shopping, I remind myself Jean has done this for almost 40 years as well as caring for children. It make me feel humble, now she is my baby and in a small way I try to repay her. To-day I had an appointment at the hospital ref my ear, so I took Jean with me. I insist where I go, she goes. I park her w/chair in the room while Doc attends to me, the same when I visit the dentist. Days like this mess up my system. Years ago I made three pair of sponges, one pair in the wash. Her fists were always closed and bent at the wrist. Creap bandage run up on the sewing machine made into narrow pockets, then squeese a househols sponge in and sew up. They work wonders. I managed to ween her off smoking five years ago. That's another story.
Hope you are better I prayed for you.
May your God go with you.
Padraig.
Each morn I'm up at 05.20 and can't wait to hug my wife. Breakfast for both of us, brush her teeth and wash all over then lay her down with special sponges in each hand she drifts off to sleep. I'm off for my run then, sit-ups, push-ups and weights, finish with shower. Cook dinner etc., cleaning, washing and all the work most men will never experience over years. Whenever I feel any of it is a bore, especialy shopping, I remind myself Jean has done this for almost 40 years as well as caring for children. It make me feel humble, now she is my baby and in a small way I try to repay her. To-day I had an appointment at the hospital ref my ear, so I took Jean with me. I insist where I go, she goes. I park her w/chair in the room while Doc attends to me, the same when I visit the dentist. Days like this mess up my system. Years ago I made three pair of sponges, one pair in the wash. Her fists were always closed and bent at the wrist. Creap bandage run up on the sewing machine made into narrow pockets, then squeese a househols sponge in and sew up. They work wonders. I managed to ween her off smoking five years ago. That's another story.
Hope you are better I prayed for you.
May your God go with you.
Padraig.
Padraig .....that is quite an interesting way of making physio equipment for Jean ....it would cost plenty to get them already made .....what a handyman you are . I think if there were more men out there such as yourself the world would surely be a happier place ........I would love to hear how you got Jean off smoking , thats one habit I have yet to break and it is not good for lungs for sure nor for Cait who has to endure the second hand smoke ...........I am feeling a wee bit better but the crohns usually knocks me about for a while.........Gentle huggs my friend to you and Jean.......God Bless.......Lyn
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How are you doing Padraig........Did you get the Instant messaging figured out ..it took me some time as well .....gentle huggs to you and Jean..........God Bless....Lyn
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Hi Lyn,
Took Jean to supermarket yesterday morn,Wed and Friday are shopping days and it gives me a chance to speak to people.
Our daughter is the only one in the past three years we see once or twice a week. Our son has now strated to visit us. The grandchildren we see only on birthdays and Christmas, they have their own lives and relationships. Just maybe they accept the standard for AD suffers: "I find it too pain too see, I want to remember them the way they were". How blessed I am to be guided down a different path. It was sad to learn on the news, a man in court for killing his wife. She had AD and was incontenent and problems communicating he attemped a joint suicide with pills, he survied. That's the second time this has happened.
I always tried to get jean to stop smoking. When she became forgetful, she misplaced the packets. I then gave her 3 or 4 cigs a time. She appeared to smoke more as she asked for them. On opening her reading glass case, I found it full of cigarettes. She didn't know how they got there! She stopped asking for a smoke. When I offered he a cigarette: "You know I don't smoke!" I had the very sad experience of finding more than £800 salted away in small bundles in some fifteen handbags. It brought tears to my eyes, to know she would never be able to spend it for whatever purpose she had in mind. She never knew anything about the money. It hurt to have to intrude in her private things as I always encouraged her to have her own bank account, and be her own person. I never knew how much she earned nor wanted to. It must be soul distroying to lose ones independance. That is why I insist on taking her out on long walks and share everyday life seens. There have been some funny events, one was me looking to wear a new pair of y-fronts from a pack of three. I searched all my drawers to no avail. When I went to take Jean to the toilet, she was wearing all three pairs of y-fronts as well as her own! Next I discover her Loss of Spacial Awareness, and making her way to her childhood home.
Till the next time, savour THE NOW so few do, always thinking of the past or what the future might bring.
May the road rise with you and may the wind always be at your back.
May your God go with you.
Padraig.
Oh you are so sweet ,your stories always bring tears to my eyes ,sometimes just a hint of the reminder of Mom, I am still finding it so hard with her gone but I know she is once again Herself and w/o any pain. I have to pick up her ashes this afternoon and I am not sure how that will go over but I know I have inner strength,as well as good friends with me at all times if only in Spirit. I can relate to the "funny things "s well Mom did some dosey's and when I read of Jean antics I can honestly say I am laughing out loud not at her but at the memories it brings to mind. You are such a kind gentle man a product of what you had to live thru in your life,yet instead you found Jean and this woman so wonderfully changed you as you have said for the best and gave you a beautiful life,full of love and kindness ,silliness and laughter and that is what life is supposed to be about right ..LOVE and that special bond you two share and will alwyas have . My Dad is always saying that "Irish blessing " ........I am so glad you take Jean out into the world it shows such love ,pride and respect for her.......You take care of you as well .........will catch up tomorrow ,...God Bless...Lyn
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Hi lyn,
Took Jean to supermarket this morning, not a good start, she threw up her b'fast after I had her all ready. Had to change her clothing and brush her teeth again. I must be a year since she last did that. It use to be a regular occurance, always when she failed to spit out the rinse each time I brushed her teeth. The initial brush, rinse, toothpaste, rinse then final brush and rinse. This morning she swallowed the rinse twice!
I have come to accept she can no longer indicates with a nod of the head for yes or no, experience has showen me that light has burnt out. The next stage we are going through, are periods of blankness, less focused, I expect these to last longer then that light will go out. These losses only make me love her all the more, and the greatest gift is when she puckers up to kiss me, I feel I could fly. Two strange things happened to-day, one old lady approached me and said; "Your wife is very lucky, having such a loving husband". Taken aback I answered "No dear I am the lucky man I have a very special girl". A girl worker at the supermarket remarked, "You always look so happy". I answered "why not, few people get the chance to give all their time to a one they love". I am happy and content with my lot and still try to hold the moment, but it is like a fistful of water, gone into memory.
May your God go with you.
Padraig
Took Jean to supermarket this morning, not a good start, she threw up her b'fast after I had her all ready. Had to change her clothing and brush her teeth again. I must be a year since she last did that. It use to be a regular occurance, always when she failed to spit out the rinse each time I brushed her teeth. The initial brush, rinse, toothpaste, rinse then final brush and rinse. This morning she swallowed the rinse twice!
I have come to accept she can no longer indicates with a nod of the head for yes or no, experience has showen me that light has burnt out. The next stage we are going through, are periods of blankness, less focused, I expect these to last longer then that light will go out. These losses only make me love her all the more, and the greatest gift is when she puckers up to kiss me, I feel I could fly. Two strange things happened to-day, one old lady approached me and said; "Your wife is very lucky, having such a loving husband". Taken aback I answered "No dear I am the lucky man I have a very special girl". A girl worker at the supermarket remarked, "You always look so happy". I answered "why not, few people get the chance to give all their time to a one they love". I am happy and content with my lot and still try to hold the moment, but it is like a fistful of water, gone into memory.
May your God go with you.
Padraig
I know you are feeling some pain as well Charley at losing Jean slowly but you have done the greatest thing and given her the greatest GIFT ever ......YOU and your love. Your back remarks to those people just show me more and more how much her love has fulfilled you . I always look forward to your stories and I am so glad you found us here ,there are a couple of new members that may need some input if you dont mind from you to help them to care for there Mom and all that goea with it .It helps as you know when we all get together and support each other. I have picked up Mom's ashes and I sit and look at the urn thinking at one time there was a vivaciuos ,vibrant so much full of life and love for life and family woman here and now this is what is left.To get me thru this I take it to a positive note.She is no longer in pain and is with my grandma now in His Arms........Til tomorrow......God Bless..Lyn
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Hi Lyn,
I hope you are well. Finding your forum has eased my flustration at being unable to find or share information about my experiences. Four years ago my wife reached the final stages of AD. Since, only one person wished to learn how a patient who was not expected to survive more than a few days recovered. Two years ago I was asked by a Clinical Psychologist to record everything I done since removing Jean from Hospital. I belived I was taking her home to die. My story was titled Going it Alone, and published in a medical journal. Sadly the said Doctor moved on to Liverpool University. It was my choice to manage without help, the experience of running a home and looking after Jean who is heavier and stiffer than a baby is indeed a blessing. Very few men get the chance to learn how unending womens work is.
I well aware what lack of freedom is like. Wanting to do and say things but can't. Words won't form and like a child you hold tight to anything in fear. Thinking "I'm a burden". A feeling of guilt "Why should I keep him trapped caring for me?"
By expressing to her the sheer happiness and joy at having such an honour bestown on me to care for the girl who was the best thing that ever happened to me. She knows the pleasure I derive and that washes away her fears. By taking her for walks it allows her imagination wings to wander. I also have more than 20 years of family DVDs which must be a great stimulation to see. Every night I am more than repaid. When I tuck her in like my baby she is, her kiss comes from the heart.
Anything on AD I have had to deal with I am pleased to pass on.
May your God go with you.
Padraig.
I hope you are well. Finding your forum has eased my flustration at being unable to find or share information about my experiences. Four years ago my wife reached the final stages of AD. Since, only one person wished to learn how a patient who was not expected to survive more than a few days recovered. Two years ago I was asked by a Clinical Psychologist to record everything I done since removing Jean from Hospital. I belived I was taking her home to die. My story was titled Going it Alone, and published in a medical journal. Sadly the said Doctor moved on to Liverpool University. It was my choice to manage without help, the experience of running a home and looking after Jean who is heavier and stiffer than a baby is indeed a blessing. Very few men get the chance to learn how unending womens work is.
I well aware what lack of freedom is like. Wanting to do and say things but can't. Words won't form and like a child you hold tight to anything in fear. Thinking "I'm a burden". A feeling of guilt "Why should I keep him trapped caring for me?"
By expressing to her the sheer happiness and joy at having such an honour bestown on me to care for the girl who was the best thing that ever happened to me. She knows the pleasure I derive and that washes away her fears. By taking her for walks it allows her imagination wings to wander. I also have more than 20 years of family DVDs which must be a great stimulation to see. Every night I am more than repaid. When I tuck her in like my baby she is, her kiss comes from the heart.
Anything on AD I have had to deal with I am pleased to pass on.
May your God go with you.
Padraig.
Thank you my friend I am in awe of all you do ,I know many people that will benefit from you and your stories and inspiration. Til tomorrow.God Bless and gentle huggs to you and Jean......Lyn
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Hope you are keeping well. I'm more in awe at the daily life of so many women, what with washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking and looking after children. Just to mention a few tasks. I'm bushed before the day's end. Using a hoist I move Jean from bed to high chair, to comode, and w/chair. During dressing, undressing and washing, as a child she will grab hold with her left hand my clothing or anything close. The right she can't use, the left arm is locked at the elbow.I failed to notice the first signs of her lack of spacial awareness: her falling down for no apparent reason. It registered only when she refused to walk down stairs one day. I managed by holding her tight and moving her legs a step a time with words of encouragement. Time and again she walked up and down stairs unaided. Another day she stood in fear at the top, my offer of help in vain. I told her stay in the bedroom while I got the dinner ready. A moment later she was stood beside me, offering to make me a drink! Later I had thought she had forgotten the drink, So I offered her tea. I was surprised to find I was pouring boiling coffee from the kettle on to tea bags! In the early stages the sudden lack of spacial awarness must have been frightening for her. I recall her going on one of her "walks" and I having to have a search party look for her. She was found holding on to a tree for dear life. The sponges in her hands help and I make a point of placing my hands in hers, and massaging the fall damaged hand. It reassures her. Must get on with crafting my story.
May your God go with you.
Padraig.
Hi my friend ..........yes i used the sponges in mom's hands as well to help her with the dexterity and so not to lose all ability/close up totally .Yes I do so agree that stay at home mom'm work hard real hard as do stay at home dads and I use to own a retirement home with 38 residents that I loved with all my heart.Mom worked in the office and dad in kitchen and brther and sister in law are both nurses aides so it really was a family thing but alas I was taken for so much money and the home sits empty now,another story for another time. Now I am a stay at home Mom and love it I am involved with all Caitlyn does and enjoy being with her . Dad likes the big Molly's (marbles) and will continually play with them so it is a good thing......He loves yard sales and getting bargains he was always an avid collector of antiques and Royal Dalton.He is aleays up and ready to go every sat or sun morn to the town wide sales all around us here lol......I must admit I enjoy it as well .....I always look forward to your posts about Jean and what u do ,it makes me laugh and then I cry to wishing I was still able to do with Mombut it was not in the cards HE had dealt ....Til tomorrow my friend ...........God Bless and gentle huggs to you and Jean
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Hi Lyn and Gang,
My perceptions of Alzheimer's like most things in life may differ wildly from most. Never taking kindly to being told what's right or wrong, without why. Told as a child "Stop using the wrong hand". The nuns beat the devil of lefthandness out of me.
As a seven year old they had me repeat the Ten Commandments till I could recite them parrot fashion. It presented a problem for my first confession: How do you honour your Father & Mother when you don't have any? Did I commit adultry or did I covet my neighbour's wife? I confessed to using the wrong hand. On my release into a strange wonderful world at sixteen from the custody of the Christian Brothers, I was free to observe and learn by working things out for myself. It has served me well and still does.
When Jean started seening people I couldn't, I asked her to describe them. Her discriptions were so vivid I accepted they were as real as her quests to get to her childhood home. On her walks she knew where she was going, though in my world her home was 100's of miles away. When I first pulled along side her as she walked along the highway she was wearing a slipper and a Wellingtom boot. "Where are you going?" "Home".
"Hop in I'll give you a lift." "Where's Home?" I was amazed as she gave the full address of her first and only home, a terraced house two up two down in Co. Durham. These had been demolished more than 30 years earlier. Her world is as clear, (as in a dream) as ours. Her urge to go to known safer and happier places is strong, and why not, our world becomes more confusing and upsetting. Each time I wake her I know she is in the past and maybe in her childhood area. Although she can't tell me, I talk to her about her school friends and bygone days.
I sleep deep and long each night, should I not awake I pray I'm in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead!
May your god go with you.
Padraig
My perceptions of Alzheimer's like most things in life may differ wildly from most. Never taking kindly to being told what's right or wrong, without why. Told as a child "Stop using the wrong hand". The nuns beat the devil of lefthandness out of me.
As a seven year old they had me repeat the Ten Commandments till I could recite them parrot fashion. It presented a problem for my first confession: How do you honour your Father & Mother when you don't have any? Did I commit adultry or did I covet my neighbour's wife? I confessed to using the wrong hand. On my release into a strange wonderful world at sixteen from the custody of the Christian Brothers, I was free to observe and learn by working things out for myself. It has served me well and still does.
When Jean started seening people I couldn't, I asked her to describe them. Her discriptions were so vivid I accepted they were as real as her quests to get to her childhood home. On her walks she knew where she was going, though in my world her home was 100's of miles away. When I first pulled along side her as she walked along the highway she was wearing a slipper and a Wellingtom boot. "Where are you going?" "Home".
"Hop in I'll give you a lift." "Where's Home?" I was amazed as she gave the full address of her first and only home, a terraced house two up two down in Co. Durham. These had been demolished more than 30 years earlier. Her world is as clear, (as in a dream) as ours. Her urge to go to known safer and happier places is strong, and why not, our world becomes more confusing and upsetting. Each time I wake her I know she is in the past and maybe in her childhood area. Although she can't tell me, I talk to her about her school friends and bygone days.
I sleep deep and long each night, should I not awake I pray I'm in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead!
May your god go with you.
Padraig
Good Morning My friend,Padraig your wonderfully beautiful and sometimes sad stories give all of us inspiration ,know that .Jean is in there knowing her love her life is with her each and every where she goes and she knows she has you .....You two share a love that is so touching and warm ....how could we not be inpired.Take care you and Gentle Huggs to Jean........God Bless........Lyn
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Good afternoon all,
Just got back from taking Jean around my daily 3 &1/2 mile morn run course. Stopped by children's school playground, what sweet music, small children at play, I wondered what it must be like as a child to play so free and happy. Jean looked intently as children gathered by the fence, some sad others smiling. Lots of queries "Can she wave? Why can't she talk?" A little sunny faced black boy: "How can she brush her teeth?" I answered their questions explaining, as your Grandma or Granda get older they forget things, like how to talk and walk. If you realy love them it is fun to cuddle and help them.
It was special to go to the supermarket yesterday, as one of the staff's face lit up: "Seeing you always looking so happy with your wife lifts my spirits". "Why do you drink a lot?" joking. It's nice to spread a little happiness. Next time I'll relate what I learned after removing Jean from the nursing home. Till the next time may your God go with you.
Padraig.
Thanks Padraig for keeping me in the loop ,I love hearing your stories .I am glad you took the time to explain to the young ones ,it does sink in although sometimes it may not seem like it I know something you did say will stay with them and they will be all the better for it as they grow into adults.You are a giver for sure.My thoughts and prayers always ......God Bless and Gentle huggs for you and Jean .......Lyn
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