New and feeling stuck

very_lost · February 14, 2006, 1:28am

Hi
I'm new in this and I'm feeling really stuck. I would just like to be cheered up a bit in any way for I feel like I'm in the lowest point of my life...

I had severe depression when I was 13 and it went on and on until I became 18. I felt like I was cured and okay all of a sudden. I even went off pills and therapy for a whole year and the seasonal changes didnt bother me (I had seasonal depression too). But now my depression is coming back. I hate it. I don't want to go back to that sad empty feeling of life.

...But sticking back on to my life history, I have had a really unusual and interesting life. I think I actually became depressed because all of the below happened to me one at a time, year by year, and repeatingly.
Ive almost experienced every problem everybody talks about...
-physical & verbal abuse (from family), divorce (of parents), molestation, suicide, addiction, living without enough money (especially now)...

But I kinda can live on facing those problems...

The biggest problem I have to deal with now is how I'm not able to be independent without my parent's help or money. I want to live in America for it's where I really feel at home, but I don't have a green card... I'm only a student.
Which is really killing me for I cant work and I gotta pay extra (like three times more for college) without a loan or scholarship and I only am able to be here for a certain amount of time.
By law, as long as my parents pay for me, Im able to live here. But the immigration doesn't realize as long as they pay for me, I have to DEAL with them and their abuse. (By the way my parents work here but only under a temporary working visa. which will expire someday)

It's not fair... I WANT to be a citizen so I can work without my parent's help, but I cant... And I might have to go back to Japan and work... The place that I hate so much and only really stayed for two whole years... Im getting depression again thinking about how I might not be able to stay and how I might have to live in that horrid country where I cant even barely speak their language...

LIFE HAS ALREADY BEEN HARD ON ME- WHY DOES IT GET WORSE!? Ive lost so much faith... I don't know what to do...

els · February 14, 2006, 2:54pm

Hi H, I wanted to say welcome to healing well forum. I hope that this will help you to find some sort of healing in some way.

You have already been through so much in your short life. Do you have insurance coverage? If so I would definitely take atedogs suggestion and see a psychiatrist and see about medications again. If you have been diagnosed with depression at the age of 13 and are now 18 and unmedicated chances are that your depression is only going to get worse. It is not curable all of a sudden. You need to seek help. If you don't have insurance your school should be able to help in some way. Please look into this.

~elisha